Starting this year, I had so many uncertainties about what it will be like. I was scared and anxious because I had to let go of a huge part of me. At first, it felt impossible and something that I won’t let happen, but as time went by, I started accepting the fact that some things and people just can’t stay. Trying to keep them in our lives is just a way of blinding us from focusing on what really matters, and usually, that is working on ourselves to be better.
Today, I look at how well I’m holding on, and I understand better the saying that what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. It hasn’t been easy, but I’m happy that I’m finally accepting choosing myself over things that disturb my peace. This month is almost ending, and I have seen really good changes and improvements. But it just hurts so much that I had to lose some things I hold dear just to get to this point that I’m at.
I’m really not sure what the future holds for me, but I’m going to just live every day like it’s my last. Love more, rest more, be happy, smile more, and everything that keeps me grateful. I’m doing this because there is really nothing that can stop us from doing all these things more than ourselves. Choosing myself isn’t easy, but it’s different, so I’m going to do that for a change. I love people, but I have to love myself more to be able to love them better.
Sometimes, I wish that things didn’t get to this point, but I really just want to trust God that he knows why he let certain things happen to us. It might probably be the consequences of my actions or not, but I trust that he knows best. I’m only praying and hoping that I go through with this new path that I’m taking and not look back anymore. Good things will come to me when it’s the right time, so I’m not going to worry so much about the things I have lost. The good thing is that when I lose good things, it means someone else got good things, and that’s a fair deal for me.
Right now, I’m actually reminded of the pain I have had to face these past months, and I can’t help but put it down in writing. It’s more like an epistle to myself to remind me of how much hurt and mistakes I have made these past months and avoiding making those same mistakes in the future and, if possible, avoid the hurt too.
Thank you for reading through. 💜