Let me tell you a bit about my yesterday. As many of you already know, I’m studying for my Law degree. In my Faculty, there are four chambers, and everyone gets the chance to be inducted into one. I got inducted into one as well, and yesterday, my chamber won a moot competition that had subsisted for a week, winning the case against the opposing chamber, winning the entire mock trial, and also producing the best speaker of the tournament. A triple win for my chambers.
We were ecstatic, and stormed the official Law students group, congratulating ourselves and making a lot of celebratory noise, also sending jabs and taunts our opponent’s way because they are usually quite a bragging bunch and would have done worse if they had won. For the first time since I joined my Faculty, I spoke in that group, and it was to celebrate with my chamber and spear-line some taunts and jabs.
Fast forward to later that evening during night class, and it just came down to me, “What had I done?” “Did I do too much?” “Maybe I should have been quiet.” “I was still somewhat of the new girl, after all. What audacity did I have to be that loud?” These thoughts plagued me at certain points of that night and into the morning. By 6.30 am, I messaged a few of my chamber girlies who’d been there and told them how I was feeling.
They were all quick to dispel my deprecating thoughts, and said that I had nothing to feel bad about. Said they enjoyed my banter, and I shouldn’t stop expressing myself. Nearly chided me for having the thoughts in the first place. And then one of them sent me a Sub stack link on a writing she thought I’d enjoy and would make me feel lighter about myself. Which brings me to what I’m really talking about today.
You see, as women. We are taught to put ourselves in a box. “Sit like this, you’re a lady.” “Don’t laugh like this, don’t you know you’re a lady?” “You shouldn’t be too loud, you’re a lady.” “Be more demure and calm as a lady.” “You don’t have to say everything on your mind. Learn to be quiet and listen, you’re a lady.” Some parents of old even remind their girl children that as women, they should be seen and not heard.
And you see, as women who are evolving in my generation, we’re beginning to question a lot of these things. Maybe if you tell us, “Humans sit like this, People do things this way,” then we may be more poised to listen to you, but if you make it about us being women, we now ask the question, “Why?” Why should I do or not do something simply for the fact that I’m a woman?
Why can’t I be loud? Why can’t I be assertive? Why can’t I be opinionated and stubborn about my beliefs? Who said that women should always be calm? Who said women are meant to be non-combative? Who said women should be docile and needlessly pliant? Who set that system up, and why do I have to make that my reality?
A guy was toasting me once, and when I told him that I’m studying Law in the university, said. “No, I can’t take you to my Mum o. You’ll have coconut head.” His way of saying that I’ll be too stubborn. I had to first off tell him that I could sue him for threatening my life because why would you bring up marriage? And marriage to you for that matter. Lmao. And yeah, I’m going to have a coconut head not because I’m a legal practitioner, but because I can. What do these people even mean?
Anyway, we won’t be touching this pile of garbage yet. The essence of this post is to let women know that they can be anything they want and do whatever they want. And if for some reason they choose to be calm, they choose not to speak, they choose to let it slide, let it be because they’re just not in the mood to. Let it be their personal choice and not because that’s what is expected of them by society.
I felt so enriched today by what I read and learnt. And soon, I’ll start tackling these societal ills. So, the subject of men wanting us to be like their mothers and wanting us to be more “traditional” cause their mothers consistently sacrificed for everyone and always put themselves last, yet for some reason, they don’t like how their fathers treated same mothers, will be tackled. One garbage at a time. But not today.
Have a lovely weekend, everyone. Especially, to the women on this platform. Step out of that box. Be free.
Jhymi🖤
Images are mine.
