Once again it has been way too long. I feel myself more often in this space where I am unable to be creative or even just productive.
I think, I worry, start something to just stop and go back to thinking, worrying - it causes more stress and eventually anxiety.
Working in international supply chain hasn't helped, this circle of thoughts has been part of my reality over the past two years of the Covid pandemic. I have always been 'the strong one' in our family and in true fashion I toughed it out.
I continued to do and be my best at work, others depended on me. Thankfully at home my husband has always been helping a lot but what suffered has been - my inner me. I feel like I have been reduced to work, work, work. That's not the life I envision.
Writing this is hard. After all I have everything I need to live. I am not complaining, and I know I worked hard to be where I am now. But these two years have been taking their toll on me.
You see, to function at work the way I do I need the balance of creativity. Coming home from work, or more recently walking the 5 m from my work desk at home to my personal station I need to step out of my work world and into my own, playing in Photoshop, making a mess mixing paints, drawing on paper or on my iPad, not thinking about what must be done but what I want to do.
This switching of worlds has become increasingly difficult for me. I can no longer create art when my mind is so engulfed in work stress and worries about friends, family and the state of our world in general.
I have always said to my colleagues to take their breaks and their vacation times and not waste them. There is a good reason for the times off and why our grandparents and their parents fought for them, for us. I know for sure that personally I do my best when I am rested, with a tiny bit of pressure.
Unfortunately, this positive pressure has built up to the point that it is affecting, inhibiting me from functioning my personal normal. My mind is going in circles. ‘I want to create, but there's work to be done. I want to write/blog, about what? I don't want to bring any further negativity into this world. Yet my thoughts are definitely not positive’. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat.
This vacation we are currently on we have waited for two years. It is a huge break from the daily, weekly, monthly rut that we have been in since early 2020. I was able to come here to Bonaire. I got away from it all to enjoy the sun, the ocean, the surfing - all physical activities that are all wonderful. They keep my mind occupied - some of the time.
We are now in our second week here. That is more than most working Americans take time off in one go. For some 2 weeks is all the paid time off they get from work. I am lucky. Yet, unfortunately, my mind has still not been able to make the switch fully.
How do I know? This is only my 2nd blog post and except for the divider I am sharing here I haven’t done anything creatively. I had the time - but still not the mindset. I wonder how long it might take? I only have a few more days and then it is back home to work.
I somehow have the feeling that I won't be making it... this time. There will be another time.
But now let’ focus on a little positivity. Most days here on Bonaire I'm up early, watching the sun rise and a new day awaken. That in itself is a positive in my books. Actually taking the sunrise photos scattered throughout his post is another. In this photo below I painted in a little bit more atmosphere using masking brushes in Lightroom mobile. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea but I happen to like it.
Funny thing is, I actually intended this post to be only my contribution to SunThursday. And to offer the blog divider to the SunThursday community and anyone else who'd like to use it. No need for credit or tag I just enjoy it! hHere is the code:
But the post kind of got away from me (sorry 
I truly hope that now that this is all out I can finally move on. And spread some more positivity through creativity.
If anyone has made it this far, my sincere thanks! I also hope you enjoy the divider.
Would you like any other themed divider? Let me know and maybe it'll spur my creative juices and I'll make one for you while I'm still on vacation 😊.
Cheers,
(Ocean)Bee
Unless otherwise noted, copyright for all photos, dividers and gifs ©Oceanbee|ImagesByCW
