Vacaction / Work / Life / Balance?

I have been on vacation for over a week now and I have been thinking a lot about my current life. Why? Mostly, because I am having a very hard time disconnecting from my work life and that's what vacation is supposed to be for, right?

I know I am a hard worker, dedicated to my job and I like it that way. But I never used to have this problem in its current magnitude. It got me thinking and mulling it over in my head. And it started with

Why can't I just write? Or paint, or draw?

Well, easy, silly, it's because your head is full of work-related stuff so there is no space for your creativity to do its thing.

That is very true. And I have had this problem on and off over the years but I was always able to get out of it. Normally, drawing and painting - all my creative endeavors are my counter to my stress (positive and negative) at work. Both of them keep me and my mental state in balance and keep running things kind of smoothly.

If one or the other takes over, and usually it is work, things go off kilter.

This latest downward spiral started for me over a year ago when my then-deputy went on family leave. Mind you, I'm in the US where you are lucky when you get three months of parental leave. He was lucky. I was not. Of course, I got someone else in but it is silly to think that new staff can pick up my deputy's work, yet, with the job market the way it was back then and still is, it was the best we could do.

My team and I survived those three months. There were a lot of things to catch up on once he was back so workloads did not decrease. It didn't help that the extra help we got took another job and left.

Then things took another downturn when my deputy got approached by a headhunter and was offered a job that he just couldn't refuse. Two steps up the ladder and the compensation to go with it, of course, he had to take it and I am happy for him.

For us or me, with just two weeks' notice (hello US!!), I started scrambling again to find someone to fill the gap.

That was in May. In June one of my team went on vacation and then early in August the next one went for three weeks (booked about a year ago) so we got further behind on our work. Finally, at the end of August, we found someone new. Unfortunately, she has very little experience in what we do and will need a lot of training. It seems like the job market should have improved but from my point of view, it has not. By that time, my team and I were on our last legs but hopeful, to get a grip on things once we trained our new team member. I do have a good team!

One and half months later and now I am on vacation. Since there wasn't time to train my new deputy adequately I am mostly on vacation i.e. early mornings I will check and reply to emails and then enjoy the day off. Seems reasonable enough but unfortunately, my brain doesn't think it is enough to switch on vacation mode. Hence, since our first day of vacation, I have been struggling to refuel my creative side.

Mostly, I have been taking walks along the beach or sitting on the deck overlooking and listening to the surf - doing nothing. Which got me thinking again.

Why can't I just be? And do nothing? Nothing at all?

What a novel thought. Do nothing at all and just laze about? What kind of a lazy bum am I?

Why aren't we allowed or why are we not allowing ourselves to not do anything?

When did our society get so very engulfed in everyone has to be doing something all the time, we have to be productive if we are not we... - I don't know - ... we are not worthy? Of living? Stupid!

I feel like it is time to slow down the pace. Slow down to be able to enjoy the things around us without feeling the need to be doing anything. It seems we're always in such a hurry to not miss all the (big) things, that we are failing to see the (small) things right in front of us.

I will be trying harder to look for these things that are right in front of my nose.