She is a disciplinarian. Although she is mostly softer nowadays, she still doesn't tolerate nonsense. And she displayed that yet again to my niece and nephew. Such a heated moment for those two, and I felt for them. Having her as a mother, I surely knew how they were feeling in that moment. I showed up later and had a talk with them.
You see, my mother is at the same time a very sweet and loving person, as she can be strict. She has largely contributed to the kind of person I am now, as well as my brother, and many people have commended her for having given us good home training. Growing up with her and under her wings, however, wasn't exactly the chillest experience.
I have wanted to run away from home a few times before. I thought I didn't actually belong to my parents and that I just got delivered to their doorstep in a box. I surely didn't see her as Mom when she whipped my ass, reprimanding me for doing the things I should have.
I was much younger, and I really never understood much of her teacher or ways of passing them. It is now that I am much older that I see her much more clearly and appreciate her in every way possible.
I mean, I don't mean to paint the image that I get flogged every morning, if that's what you're imagining. It's just that, as a typical African child, you get certain reactions when you do the wrong things.
Hearing how my nephew and niece were scolded for "doing the right thing at the wrong time," I felt for them and remembered how I'd felt as a child.
My mom always pulls you in with the left arm when she reprimands you with the right, but usually much later. In the moment that she was away, after being scolded, I went on to talk with my niece and nephew. It is pretty much my responsibility at this age to do so for them, especially now that my mom's much older.
My aim was to enlighten them on how life truly is, how to deal with criticism on their level, and the importance of being "taught right." And, of course, lighten their moods to encourage them to work cheerfully rather than begrudgingly, which is awfully exhausting.
I started with an analogy of the seasons we have here in Africa. I described to them how you sometimes wished for the rain when it's hot and sunny and then wished for the sun when it's all too cold and the roads are too muddy too often in the rainy season. And then she explained how that represents how life doesn't always go as we want, but we somehow have to navigate it to thrive.
I showed them how important it is to be corrected when you're doing something wrong by describing how favoured one can be when they have good manners and exhibit discipline and character. I used personal anecdotes about myself to lighten their moods at this point. I can be a hilarious person when I want to be.
And I let them know that I knew that they could have already thought of running away a few times when they get harshly reprimanded sometimes. I made them understand that it's normal to feel sad when being criticised, but they have to see what's most important about it—the lesson.
Soon enough, their faces brightened up. They understood my message and felt much better. And then, like magic, they continued their chores with a little more enthusiasm.
I don't exactly know what parenting truly feels like, but I believe that effective communication is important in any relationship, even with kids. I learnt this from my mother, the disciplinarian, as she always ensured we truly understood her actions towards us and that they were always out of love.
And to top it all up, I gave them extra TV privileges to keep them happy. Surely, some more episodes of Henry Danger should do the trick. I know I loved how those sitcoms made me feel when I was their age. Good old times...
All images are mine