This is a continuation of my three-year itch story. Here's the link to Part 1.
Breaking the monotony...
Our dynamics has always been peculiar. When our relationship started, I remember telling my boyfriend that I have no plans of meddling with his life outside of our relationship as I don't want him meddling in mine. He has a family, various groups of friends, a career, and everything else in between; being in a relationship doesn't mean giving up any of it. The same goes for me. I love my freedom. I yearn for my nonnegotiable "me time" I remember there were days when the only text we exchanged were "Good morning!" and "Goodnight!" Trust me, I didn't complain.
This is only my opinion, you can ask my boyfriend for his. Haha! But I can say that our relationship has matured over the years, but it was a relatively mature one to start with. From the onset of our relationship until now, there's no need to ask permission if he could come to this and that as long as at the end of the day I know he's safe, I'm good! And as a strong and independent woman, I love how we're doing things. I could go wherever I want, do whatever I want, and not feel restricted in any way. Everything's merely an FYI. This might not be a big deal to most of you but I know of restrictive relationships wherein even what one wears should be approved by his/her partner. It sucks!
Taking out the tensions we went through last year, I conclude that we had an uneventful relationship. At some point, I thought we were doing the same thing over and over, and damn, it was starting to be boring and disheartening! The year passed by and there was nothing to look forward to. It was okay but deep inside I resented him for never planning anything for me, for us. It looked as tho it was easy to plan activities and events with and for other people, but there's none for me, for us. He hasn't been taking me out even on simple coffee shop dates or just a simple dinner out. We're mostly spending time at home; there's nothing wrong with that but I believe we could do better. I wasn't mad; I was disappointed. I was disappointed with myself for not bothering to bring it up earlier. Dismayed at the fact that I allowed it to happen. Deep within, I know I could've taken more proactive actions, but I didn't. I waited for him to do his part which didn't happen. I allowed the relationship to wither away.
We've reached a point when love per se isn't enough to keep two individuals together. Inevitably, we've come to ask ourselves if our relationship is worth pursuing. That's when we realized that our busy lives apart should not hinder the growth of our relationship. One weekend we sat down side by side, reflecting on how we ended up where we are and if we wanted to continue going down the drain. Of course, we wanted to nourish the relationship so here's what we did and perhaps if you're in the same situation, you can go through the list. Hope it helps!
Here's how we're nailing it
1. Set goals
I love to plan, set goals, follow through on those goals, and achieve them within a specified timeline but we never had one in our relationship. We were merely relying on what comes and what goes. Moving forward, we won't be going anywhere unless we start taking deliberate actions to resolve things even before they arise.
What we did is to set a goal for this year which is "To have more fun and exciting moments, and do things our partner enjoys" We have unique likes and dislikes and this year, we'll try to do things in our partner's way.
If you're feeling that your relationships are kinda going in circles, not going anywhere near your ideal state, perhaps it's about time to talk about what you want to achieve after a year or so. Maybe it'll help to just set a goal that both of you could work on.
2. Identify activities to support your goal/s
Next is to identify activities that will allow you to achieve you goal.
In our case, we identified specific activities we want to do together. Things that our partner might not like but still we wanted to do with them.
Say for me, I wanted to vlog with him while doing a drinking game. You gotta watch out for that soon! 😂
In his case, he wanted an Amusement Park date which we did twice already.
Other activities we included in our list are Board game dates, Arcade dates, Picnic dates, Painting dates (I'm so happy he agreed to this because he always regrets my invitation to paint with me; no escape now! haha), etc.
As you can see, these aren't luxurious and expensive events/activities/things, these are simple and yet help us grow in love.
3. Set schedules
When I love what I do so much, I tend to forget that the rest of the world, including my boyfriend, is equally craving my attention. I used to dream of being in a relationship with a man who has big dreams and who works damn hard to get them. But at times, I wonder how it'd be if both of us aren't as busy chasing our wildest dreams in life. And recently, my boyfriend has expressed his frustrations saying "You haven't texted me all day!"
I believe tho that despite the hectic schedule I have, I need to make time. I might not be able to do it every single day but I should set aside time. And on this note, it's important to set schedules ahead.
What we did is assign a month to the activities we wanted to do together. Say for this month, we'll be having the picnic date (4th Sunday), the Spa date in February (Valentine's weekend), and so on and so forth. Once we have the schedule, we'll block off our calendar and that's it, dates are locked for our quality time. We can grind for our future for the rest of the month.
I've also learned this recently, I would know ahead of when I'll be terribly occupied at work that checking on him the entire day will be difficult, so I try to set the expectation ahead, and give my best to connect with him after work or during our call on weekends. It's about reassuring him that I won't be busy the entire month and that we'll have out time together just not now.
So far, these steps are working for us and despite not totally eliminating the monotony, it's adding color and excitement to our relationship. And after sharing some points with my boyfriend, he's been proactively making plans for us and I couldn't help but be happy with how things turned out.
Our relationships, romantic or not, are supposed to help us grow and become better individuals. If you aren't in a nourishing relationship always remember that there are things you can do to steer it the other way. You and your partner just have to start somewhere.
Photos are from one of our coffee shop working dates/board game dates in Hollys Coffee
Living life intentionally every single day, she believes that there’s no limit to one’s potential. Right now, she’s on the loose for the pursuit of endless holistic self-growth and development. She wants to light the way for others. She believes there’s no better way to leave a legacy than to pay it forward.
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