We’re often fed a sugar-coated version of healing: “You have to forgive to move on.” We’re told that holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
But what happens when the “other person” isn’t sorry? What happens when they’re still disrupting your peace, or when the damage they caused is serious enough to require a court of law?
In real life, the choice between forgiveness and justice isn’t always clean. Sometimes, they feel like opposites.
I’ve asked myself the same question. I know that as humans, we are taught to forgive. But I’ve also come to realize that not every situation can be resolved by forgiveness alone. Forgiveness doesn’t mean becoming a saint for someone else; it means choosing a way to move forward.
I’ve been in a situation where my peace was deeply disturbed. At a young age, I witnessed injustice. My parents (the people I love deeply) were accused of something they didn’t do. What hurt even more was that the accusations came from people they had once helped and raised.
Back then, I didn’t fully understand what forgiveness meant. I thought it meant letting everything go even if it meant allowing lies to remain unchallenged. Like many, I waited for something that never came: a sincere apology. We want the people who hurt us to look us in the eye, acknowledge the damage, and say, “I was wrong.”
But when you’re dealing with people who lack accountability, that apology becomes a fantasy. And if you tie your healing to their repentance, you hand them control over your peace all over again.
Justice says: You must answer for what you did.
Forgiveness says: I am releasing the hold this has over me.
But there’s a third option we rarely talk about: closure through justice.
For many, the legal system or even a firm boundary, is the only way to draw a clear line. It’s not about revenge; it’s about respect.
Seeking justice whether through a formal complaint, a legal case, or simply choosing no contact is an act of self-respect. It’s a way of saying, “You no longer have permission to treat me this way.”
You don’t have to forgive someone’s character to demand justice for their actions. You can hold someone accountable while still working toward your own peace. In fact, for some, justice becomes the foundation on which peace is built.
And if you choose to forgive, remember this: forgiveness is for you; not for them.
It doesn’t mean what they did was acceptable.
It doesn’t mean they get access to your life again.
It doesn’t mean consequences disappear.
True forgiveness is the decision to stop waiting for someone else to change. It’s accepting that they are who they are and choosing not to let that define your future.
So, can you have one without the other? Yes.
You can seek justice without offering forgiveness. And you can forgive internally while still pursuing every legal path to protect yourself.
Because the goal isn’t to be a saint like what I have said but the goal is to be free.
Whether that freedom comes through a judge’s decision or through your own decision to let go, it belongs to you.
And when the other person isn’t sorry, your best “revenge” isn’t confrontation but a life lived so fully and peacefully that they become nothing more than a footnote in a much better story.
