You know, sometimes I just sit and ask myself, what exactly are we all doing? Like, what’s the point of all this hustle and bustle? Because one second, they say, “Follow your passion!” the next, it’s, “Passion doesn’t pay the bills.”
I see people who have everything figured out or at least, they look like they do. The ones who knew from age five that they wanted to be doctors, engineers, entrepreneurs and life gave exactly that to them. I used to be one of them, until life changed the plan for me. The ones who mapped out their five-year plan in their sleep. I respect it but now I have trust issues about life, it always interrupts one’s plans so no, I don’t want to make plans and have it abruptly interrupted.
I do have my passion, oh trust me, I definitely know a cause I’m passionate about. I also know my creative hobbies. But here's the thing, every single thing I’m passionate about does not somehow relate to the course I studied in school. I know I can correct this and find a link when it’s time to do my Master's degree but how exactly do I connect the dots? When will the dots connect?
Some days, I feel like I’m just floating, optimism about life in one hand, trust issues in the other. One moment, I’m deeply convinced that I should chase my wildest dreams, and the next, I’m Googling “high-paying jobs for a fresh graduate.” One thing is certain, I fear being stuck in a 9-5 job that will restrict me and drown my passion, I also fear starting my own business then forgotten about passion while trying to catch up with life and financial responsibilities.
Don’t even get me started on the pressure. The “what do you want to do with your life?” conversations that make my brain short-circuit. What if I don’t know? What if I’m still figuring it out? But that's never a good enough answer. What if I wake up tomorrow and suddenly want to become a Chef?
But then, adulthood doesn’t give that much room for trial and error, does it? It’s like there’s this unspoken rule that you need to have everything on lock; your career, your finances, your purpose. And if you don’t, you’re failing. Realizing one’s purpose is difficult enough but making sure it aligns with one’s career is another level of difficulty.
The reality is, being stuck in job or life situation where one is not actively living in their purpose can be really draining. However, as much as we desire to have everything aligned perfectly, I’ve come to realize life may not actually work like that. Maybe we aren’t meant to have all the answers at once. Maybe alignment isn’t something to be stumbled upon in one grand moment but something that unfolds bit by bit, like a puzzle you piece together over time.
Or maybe I’m just saying that to make myself feel better.
What I do know is that I want to wake up one day and feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be. Not just surviving but thriving. Not just existing but actually living. I want my work to feel meaningful. I want my bank account to reflect my hard work and dedication. I want my days to be filled with a sense of purpose, not just productivity.
Maybe I’ll figure it all out. Maybe I won’t. I do hope I will. But for now, I’ll just keep moving, keep trying, keep hoping that, someday, somehow, the dots all connect
Thank you for reading! :)