I don't usually write on topics like love or deep emotions generally but, a friend told me something today and I couldn't help but notice how the light bulb went on in my head. She said, “Sometimes, they don’t miss you. They just miss the version of themselves that existed when you loved them.”
It’s funny how some guys just like being liked. Not necessarily loved, liked. They enjoy the idea of being desired, of having someone whose eyes light up when they walk into a room. It’s not even about control. It’s about the soft ego boost that comes with being someone’s “somebody.”
They’ll say things like “I don’t want anything serious,” but the moment you start to pull away, suddenly they remember how to text back. Suddenly, they’re checking in, reacting to your stories, sending those “you’ve been quiet” messages that don’t mean much but sound just enough like care to confuse you again.
The irony? Most of them aren’t even doing it on purpose. That’s the part that's most tricky because you can tell they're actually good people.
It’s not always manipulation, sometimes it’s human nature. We all crave validation, don’t we? The thrill of being wanted. The comfort of knowing someone out there thinks we’re special, even when we’re not ready to give anything back.
It’s like emotional muscle memory. You get used to the attention, the energy, the presence of someone who sees you a certain way. And when that starts to fade, the silence feels loud. You start wondering if you’ll ever be seen like that again.
And it’s not just guys who do this. To be honest, girls do it too.
There are times you don’t even like someone that much, but their consistency, their effort, their “good morning” texts, it gets into your system. Then when they stop, it feels like withdrawal. Not because you loved them, but because you got used to being loved by them.
It’s such a weird, human thing.
My friend, let’s call her T, went through something like this. She met this guy who was… warm. Not perfect, not amazing, just present. He listened, he asked questions, he flirted like he meant it. But the thing is, he never defined anything. He was always in that “I like you but I’m not ready for anything serious” zone.
So, she stayed. Half bordering friendship, half confused. Until I asked her one single question, "If someone notices the chemistry between you guys, the level of attention and all, then asks if you guys are dating, or if you like each other, and he brushes it off as a joke, would it not make you look and feel stupid?"
And that's the thing about "situationships", leave them unaddressed and they grow to become another life lesson. Dramatic tears at 2 AM, oh please.
So, she pulled away.
And guess what happened? He came back. Not with an apology. Not with clarity. Just that soft, infuriating, “I miss talking to you.”
That's when she and I had this conversation. Sometimes, they don’t miss the relationship. They miss the attention. The comfort. The familiarity. They miss the girl who loved them.
And it makes me wonder, as women, how do we stay open? How do we stay approachable and soft and receptive without constantly being dragged into emotional loops like this?
Because femininity thrives in openness. We’re told to be warm, to be gentle, to be welcoming. But openness can sometimes feel like vulnerability on display, and not everyone deserves access to that. It’s exhausting to keep finding the balance between being soft and being safe.
Sometimes, I think about how we’re taught to wait for men to approach. To smile. To make ourselves available. To flirt, but not too much. To be interested, but not desperate. And in the process, we end up in these half-relationships, friendships that blur into situationships, situationships that never evolve into love.
And somehow, we’re still blamed for “catching feelings.”
But here’s what I think, it’s not weak to want love. It’s not naive to hope someone means what they say. The problem isn’t being open; it’s mistaking attention for intention.
I told T once that the hardest part of moving on isn’t forgetting the person. It's usually the memories, and by that, I don't even mean the picture of what happened, when and how, I mean the feeling each memory brings to you.
That’s why detachment hurts, not because you lost them, but because you lost the reflection of yourself that lived in their affection or that thrived in giving them affection.
Still, I think it’s important to detach anyway.
Because the truth is, love that constantly leaves you guessing isn’t love. And the moment someone needs to lose your attention to realize your value, they’ve already lost something deeper.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is walk away quietly. Not in anger, not in bitterness, just peace. Because you’ve learned what it feels like to give love, and that’s something they’ll probably never forget. Some people make it difficult to walk away quietly, though, you just gotta make it as loud as possible, the emphasis here is on WALKING AWAY.
And if they come back again, because they will, just remember, they might not miss you. They might just miss how it felt to be adored, which is something they silently believe they can get elsewhere.
To someone, you're so special they know they can't and don't want someone else giving the love you give, and that kind of love, ladies, is what I hope we'll be blessed with.
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💗 All Images are mine.
Thank you for reading. 🧡