Over the years, I have discipline myself to control my emotions to ensure I stay in control of myself and my environment. I believe that before an individual can achieve anything meaningful in life, he/she must first go through a phase called self-mastery.
Which would only occur after we spend time understanding ourselves and discovering what else might be buried within us. With my level of devotion to understanding myself and my manner of thinking, I have made it a lot difficult for me to be reckless, I tend to consider all options before taking any action.
Most humans usually consider recklessness a human attribute but I don't, I see as a result of human ignorance and I don't indulge it. I prefer to be in the known and only act when I have successfully convinced myself that it is the best I can do at the moment. Every step I take has been subjected to hours of thinking, just to prepare me for whatever is ahead.
Having a personality such as this, majority of people around me tends to assume I know it all or I have everything figured out, which is not true. How I do explain that I'm also terrified of the unknown more than they could comprehend? how do I explain that the firm face I carry on is just a mask I have created to keep my emotions under control?
With my personality, people often come to me for answers and I often give them my personal opinion. They smile and say something; "Dami we knew you would have solution for us". They all look up to me for answers, with this they deprive me of having someone to look up to for answers. I mean if I tell people that I'm having difficulty figuring something out, they will be like "is it not you, you will figure it out". I'm quite aware of how resourceful I'm but there are times I just want answers just like everyone else.
I remember during my NYSC, I discovered that the community I was posted to lacks electricity before it could affect me any further I bought a solar panel. I discovered the community market lacks good provisions, I made sure I get whatever provision I needed from another community anytime we go for our monthly biometric clearance, enough provision to last me till the next clearance.
I was always prepared for whatever is to come, I'm not a fan of surprises. But my colleagues perceived this wrongly. Anytime we were given money by our boss at my PPA, my colleagues would feel like I don't need it because I'm more financial stable than they are. I always find this very funny because we all receive the same allowance, the only difference is that I make sure I spend my effectively.
There was time they even made me argue the fact that I have never been "broke" before, I felt so ridiculous. I'm not the kind of person that complains whenever I'm going through financial troubles and I don't bother people with my own financial troubles, which is something common among corp members. Since they discover that I don't seek financial help from anyone, it proves I'm more financial stable than they are.
It is kind of sad though, the world is filled with lot of strange people with ridiculous perspective. When you are busy trying hard to figure out your own life without bothering anyone, they see it as an act of pride. Which is one of the reasons why I don't roam with my peers, I don't even have friends because no one seems to understand the complex nature of my personality and I'm not so good at explaining myself.
This write-up was inspired by weekly prompt "What do people often assume about your life that you want to correct or confirm" in hive student connect community.
Cover image - 𝖣𝖾𝗌𝗂𝗀𝗇𝖾𝖽 𝗎𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖼𝖺𝗇𝗏𝖺
All images are mine
