I read the prompt and a few entries trying to think of one regret that has followed me till present day from my school days. But I realized there is one big but small regret that I have been quietly hitting myself for since a while now. It may seem like normal for any other but for me, knowing what I know now, I wish I made better choices.
Before I share what it is, I'm not regretting it from a place of hurt but from a mind that have grown and wish I had pushed myself to learn all that I know now by that time. It's amazing, the things that I know now that would have elevated my life so much if I knew them as a student, but I focused so much on my studies and missed out.
In my school days, I always stayed guarded.
And that is my regret now... I was one of those students who went to school because of my studies and nothing else. Nothing like parties, hangouts, fun outings, solo plans or even sports, away from studying. It doesn't mean I led a completely boring life as a student though, I had friends who didn't let it get that boring for me.
But my regret since almost a year now is, I protected myself too much to the extent of not enjoying some privileges that came to me as a student back then. I had the freedom to own my own space, a neighbourhood to engage with, a department to make a lot of friends for possible future opportunities and even myself to explore.
A day that still crosses my mind when I think of this regret was when my two friends invited me for a night hangout that I refused to go with them, they both kept sharing how fun and interesting it was for them. The outing actually got them closer to each other but what bothers me most about that day now is, I failed to see how I'd have learned a new thing from the outing.
There were many instances where I'd have left my room to engage with people, or play a game or even just sit with myself in a nice environment I found in my school area, that I didn't take advantage of and I regret all of that now. I missed the experience of actually living as a person in a school setting. I regret living only as a student.
I choose to live all of those in my present days.
One thing I've learned about regrets, they are just a waste of time if we don't think of ways to limit the weight of the regret. With my present knowledge, I'm choosing to live all of those times that I regret, today even though I'm no longer a student. Because I understand now that what I really regret is not living for God and for myself.
I spent too much time focusing on my studies but since I no longer have to, at least for now, I'm choosing to love myself more by prioritizing the things I love to do, live for God and embrace opportunities or helps when they come without feeling like I'm not worthy of them. I regret those days in school but I'm making the changes now.
Image used are AI generated.