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I havenât told anyone that I struggle to imagine heavenâthat I have a hard time picturing the people I love with all my heart up there, watching me live this life without feeling proud of me. It's really hard to imagine what it would be like to speak with them againâif they'd still love me, if they'd support the choices Iâve made. And even less have I said how much the 11th of each month hurts.
Even though eternal rest sounds like everything we sometimes think we want, the truth is that I struggle to imagine that kind of peace. I hope itâs real, and that those who are no longer here are truly resting, no longer sufferingâbecause they already went through enough in this life. I wonder if they would want to come back, if theyâd like to be here again, because I believeâthey must now have a much broader view of the world.
I try not to be selfish and not cry so much. Sadly, I was given a little chickâs heartâfragile and very sensitive. Keeping up with the pace, making calls without asking for him, is one of my biggest challenges. But in recent weeks, as the 11th approached, a beautiful image came to my mind. It happened during a birthday celebrationâsomeone asked him what he wanted as a gift. Can you guess what he said? Not even I wouldâve imagined it! He asked for a dance performed by his children and grandson. Because yes, my whole personality has always been wrapped in love, and he adored my dancer soul.
So my brother and I prepared a show for all the guests and the guest of honor, where we performed as Pimpinela. He loved it! And I keep going back to that memory, because it reminds me of how much he loved seeing me danceâand how much he enjoyed seeing me laugh. Sometimes we lose that along the way. I know that traitâmy slightly wild spiritâbothers some people. But all I can remember is that man everyone saw as so serious, smiling from ear to ear, saying: âSheâs an artist.â
Wherever I go, Iâll keep cultivating that charisma and personality, because more than defining me, they connect me to the most beautiful moments of my childhood. So yes, I really hope heaven does existâand that from there, heâs still watching me dance.
No le he dicho a nadie que me cuesta imaginar el cielo, que me cuesta imaginar a esas personas que amo con mi vida allĂ viendo cĂłmo vivo la vida sin que se sientan orgullosos. Me cuesta mucho imaginar cĂłmo serĂĄ volver a hablar con ellos, si me querrĂĄn o si me apoyarĂan en las decisiones que he tomado. Y mucho menos he dicho lo mucho que me duelen los dĂas 11.
Aunque el descanso eterno suena a todo eso que a veces piensas que deseas. Lo cierto es que me cuesta imaginar esa calma. Espero que sea cierto y que aquellos que no estĂĄn, descansen mucho, no sufran nada porque ya tuvieron bastante con esta vida. Me pregunto si ellos quisieran volver, si les gustarĂa estar de nuevo acĂĄ porque creo -pienso- que tienen una perspectiva mucho mĂĄs amplia del mundo.
Yo trato de no ser egoĂsta y no llorar tanto. Lamentablemente me tocĂł un corazĂłn de pollito, delicado y muy sensible. Seguir el ritmo, llamar sin preguntar por Ă©l, es uno de mis grandes retos. Pero en las Ășltimas semanas, mientras pensaba que se acercaba el 11, se me vino a la mente una imagen muy hermosa. Y fue durante un cumpleaños, le preguntaron quĂ© querĂa de regalo. ÂżAdivinan quĂ© dijo? ÂĄNi yo lo hubiese imaginado! PidiĂł un baile hecho por sus hijos y su nieto, porque sĂ, mi personalidad entera fue arropada con amor desde siempre, y mi alma bailarina le encantaba.
AsĂ que mi hermano y yo preparamos un show para todos sus invitados y para el homenajeado donde representĂĄbamos a Pimpinela. ÂĄLe encantĂł! Y yo vuelvo a ese recuerdo porque es el que me recuerda lo mucho que le gustaba verme bailar, y lo mucho que disfrutaba verme reĂr. A veces perdemos eso en el camino, sĂ© que a mucha gente le molesta ese rasgo un poco alocado. Pero yo solo recuerdo a ese señor que todos veĂan tan serio, sonriendo de oreja a oreja diciendo "ella es una artista".
Donde sea que vaya, seguirĂ© cultivando ese carisma, y personalidad porque mĂĄs que definirme, me lleva a los momentos mĂĄs lindos de mi infancia. AsĂ que sĂ, espero que el cielo sĂ exista y que desde ahĂ siga viĂ©ndome bailar.
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