[ESP|ENG]Mi papá no ha muerto, pero ya no está. Una terrible enfermedad llamada ALZHEIMER | My dad is not dead, but he is gone.A terrible disease called ALZHEIMER.

Mi papá no tuvo una vida fácil, fue de esas personas que, aunque trabajara muy duro, nunca pudO disfrutar de la vida. Comencemos con su infancia, nació en una familia llena de carencias económicas y de afecto, pocas o nulas son las historias que escuche de mi padre, donde recordara un momento de felicidad y alegría. Mi abuelo era un señor muy duro, cuando lo recuerdo, solo veo su cara de “pocos amigos” por decirlo de alguna manera, no reconoció a ninguno de sus hijos, a pesar de estar viviendo con mi abuela, por lo que todos llevan el apellido de ella, excepto uno de ellos, que al ingresar a la milicia, debía portar ambos apellidos.

My father did not have an easy life, he was one of those people who, even though they worked very hard, were never able to enjoy life. Let's start with his childhood, he was born into a family full of economic deprivation and affection, few or none are the stories I heard from my father, where he remembered a moment of happiness and joy. My grandfather was a very hard man, when I remember him, I only see his face of "few friends" so to speak, he did not recognize any of his children, despite living with my grandmother, so they all carry her surname, except one of them, who to enter the military, had to carry both surnames.

Mi papá trabajo desde pequeño, no había tiempo de jugar, mucho menos de asistir a un cumpleaños o reunirse con amigos, sin embargo pudo estudiar. Mi abuela, con un nivel de dureza superior a la de mi abuelo, numerosos son los cuentos de maltratos físicos y psicológicos que aplicaba a sus 6 hijos. Claro que de esto nadie habla, sin embargo mi papá si expresaba algunas cosas que vivió. No fue una infancia feliz. El tiempo paso y mi papá creció, fue concejal y un muy buen profesor, tuvo un hijo muy joven, se casó y divorcio, su vida solo fue trabajar y trabajar. Con el tiempo conoció a mi mamá y nací yo, mi papá rompió el ciclo, conmigo era el hombre más consentidor, cariñoso y atento que pudiera existir.

My father worked since he was a child, there was no time to play, much less to attend a birthday party or meet with friends, but he was able to study. My grandmother, with a level of hardness superior to that of my grandfather, numerous are the stories of physical and psychological mistreatment that she applied to her 6 children. Of course, nobody talks about this, but my father did express some of the things he experienced. It was not a happy childhood. Time went by and my dad grew up, he was a councilman and a very good teacher, he had a very young son, he got married and divorced, his life was only working and work and work. Eventually, he met my mom and I was born, my dad broke the cycle, with me he was the most spoiled, loving, and attentive man that could exist.

Consiguió iniciar su propio negocio, un taller mecánico, en el terreno donde estaba la casa de su infancia, continuo trabajando luego de jubilarse, nunca descansaba, nunca tomaba vacaciones, era temperamental por lo que enojarse fácilmente, era lo cotidiano, esto solo pasaba en su trabajo. Los problemas diarios, discusiones con sus trabajadores, desacuerdo con clientes era a diario. Mi papá sonreía poco, era un hombre de pocas palabras, silencioso, acostumbrado a llorar solo y a tragarse sus problemas, supongo que consecuencia de todo lo que vivió en su infancia. Cuando se le regalaba algo mostraba mucha gratitud, pero sentía que no lo merecía, siempre pensaba en todos antes que en él. Su hijo mayor lo visitaba solo el día de cobrar pensión, ya que al no tener trabajo, mi papá la cobraba y se la daba entera para que él se ayudara.

He managed to start his own business, a mechanic shop, on the land where his childhood home was, he continued working after retirement, he never rested, never took vacations, he was temperamental so getting angry easily was a daily occurrence, this only happened in his work. The daily problems, arguments with his workers, disagreements with clients were daily. My father smiled little, he was a man of few words, silent, used to cry alone and to swallow his problems, I guess a consequence of everything he lived in his childhood. When he was given a gift he showed a lot of gratitude, but he felt he did not deserve it, he always thought of everyone else before himself. His eldest son visited him only on the day he received his pension, since he didn't have a job, my father collected it and gave it all to him so that he could help himself.

Un día mi papá comenzó a manifestar ciertos síntomas, que para mí mamá y para mi eran extraños, decía conocer personas que claramente no conocía, expresaba como la cara de esa persona le era familiar, pero que no podía recordar de dónde. Obviamente esto no es raro, siempre encontramos personas que se nos parece a alguien, pero esto se hizo muy común, era a diario. Aunque era algo poco convencional, no le dimos mayor importancia. Una noche, en la que mi mamá se quedó en casa de mi tía que había sufrido un accidente, mi papa tuvo un episodio muy extraño, entre a su cuarto y estaba llorando, le pregunte que le sucedía, a lo que me respondió que no sabía dónde estaba, que no sabía dónde estaban las llaves del carro, que no sabía dónde estaba mi mamá, decía muchas cosas sin coherencia, el desespero y miedo en su cara era muy notorio, hable con él, trate de calmarlo y de un momento a otro logro salir de ese evento y calmarse. Esto se presentó unas tres veces más de ahí en adelante.

Comenzó a repetir las cosas varias veces, a olvidar nombre de cosas, personas y lugares, sufría de vértigos y varias fueron las veces que tuvo que ser auxiliado en la casa, ya que perdía el conocimiento. Un día fue a su taller, regresó más temprano de lo acostumbrado, mas nunca volvió. De aquí en adelante todos los síntomas explicados se hicieron más evidentes, más frecuentes, además de presentar otros como comer cosas que no son comestibles, orinar en lugares que no debe, a ser menos sociable, a dar respuestas cortar. Llego el día del diagnóstico, no había duda mi papa tenia Alzheimer. Aunque ya lo sospechábamos fue muy duro. Su hijo se alejó, de hecho cuando le preguntan por él dice que está muerto, sus sobrinos y hermanos poco lo llaman, unas 2 veces al año, son pocos los que estan en costante comunicación. Ha sido muy difícil.

One day my dad began to manifest certain symptoms, which for my mom and me were strange, he said he knew people he clearly did not know, he expressed how the face of that person was familiar to him, but he could not remember from where. Obviously this is not uncommon, we always meet people who look like someone, but this became very common, it was daily. Although it was unconventional, we didn't think much of it. One night, when my mother stayed at my aunt's house who had suffered an accident, my father had a very strange episode, I went into his room and he was crying, I asked him what was wrong, to which he answered that he did not know where he was, he did not know where the car keys were, he did not know where my mother was, he said many things without coherence, the desperation and fear in his face was very noticeable, I talked to him, I tried to calm him down and from one moment to another he managed to get out of that event and calm down. He began to repeat things several times, to forget the names of things, people and places, he suffered from vertigo and several times he had to be helped in the house, as he lost consciousness. One day he went to his workshop, returned earlier than usual, but never came back. From then on, all the symptoms explained became more evident, more frequent, besides presenting others such as eating things that were not edible, urinating in places he should not, being less sociable, giving short answers. The day of the diagnosis arrived, there was no doubt that my father had Alzheimer's disease. Although we already suspected it, it was very hard. His son moved away, in fact when they ask him about him he says he is dead, his nephews and siblings call him very little, about 2 times a year, there are few who are in constant communication. It has been very difficult.

Mi papá casi no habla, no quiere ser aseado, es muy difícil convencerlo de esto, come mucho, siempre tiene hambre, a veces quiere comer cosas que no son comestibles, por lo que hay que estar siempre atentos a lo que hace. Es independiente al caminar, alimentarse e ir al baño, ya no me recuerda, ni a mi mamá, ni a nadie, está perdido en su mente, mi papá no ha muerto, pero ya no está.

My dad hardly speaks, he does not want to be clean, it is very difficult to convince him of this, he eats a lot, he is always hungry, sometimes he wants to eat things that are not edible, so we must always be attentive to what he does. He is independent when walking, feeding himself, and going to the bathroom, he doesn't remember me anymore, neither my mom, nor anyone else, he is lost in his mind, my dad is not dead, but he is not here anymore.

Mi papito se enojaba muy fácilmente, por lo que es posible que esto haya acelerado esta enfermedad,cada molestia pudo haber deteriorado sus neuronas, sin embargo no se conocen las causas que puedan hacer que una persona la padezca. El Alzheimer es una enfermedad degenerativa, lo que causa deterioro cognitivo, además es progresivo, es decir con el tiempo va empeorando, no tiene cura, no hay tratamiento para detenerlo. Las personas sufren perdida de la memoria, de sus facultades, de su pensamiento y su comportamiento y al avanzar se pierde también la autonomía y control del cuerpo. Es una enfermedad horrible a mi parecer, ver a tu ser querido físicamente, pero saber que no es el mismo es doloroso y quisiera devolver el tiempo y aprovecharlo mas. Muchas veces pienso que pude haber hecho yo para evitarlo, que pude haber hecho para ayudarlo, si era una personas tan noble porque le paso a él.

My daddy got angry very easily, so it is possible that this has accelerated this disease, every annoyance could have deteriorated his neurons, however the causes that can cause a person to suffer from it are not known. Alzheimer's is a degenerative disease, which causes cognitive impairment, it is also progressive, that is, it gets worse with time, there is no cure, there is no treatment to stop it. People suffer loss of memory, of their faculties, of their thinking and behavior and as it progresses they also lose autonomy and control of their body. It is a horrible disease in my opinion, to see your loved one physically, but to know that he/she is not the same is painful and I would like to give back the time and take advantage of it more. Many times I think what I could have done to avoid it, what I could have done to help him, if he was such a noble person why did it happen to him.

Mi papá ya no sufre, ya no recuerda las cosas triste que vivió, ya no tiene que trabajar, ya no tiene que ser usado para el beneficios de otros, ya puede descansar sin ser atormentado por todos esos pensamiento. Se me ha ocurrido pensar que su cerebro hizo esto como mecanismo de defensa para atraparlo en un lugar donde ya no sufriera. Escribir estas líneas me ha ayudado a desahogar muchas emociones que tenía guardadas. Estas líneas me han ayudado a liberar muchas emociones que tenía guardadas, gracias por leer.

My dad no longer suffers, he no longer remembers the sad things he experienced, he no longer has to work, he no longer has to be used for the benefit of others, he can rest without being tormented by all those thoughts. It has occurred to me to think that his brain did this as a defense mechanism to trap him in a place where he would no longer suffer. Writing these lines has helped me to unburden many emotions that I had stored up. These lines have helped me to release a lot of emotions I had stored up, thank you for reading.