The title of this post started to become a reality more than 3 years ago, but, now that I start thinking about everything that has happened, the epiphany comes to my head in the form of a metaphor about the puzzle and its pieces that gradually fit together. When things happen as we have not planned it feels like everything falls apart, but time later, you realize that the bad thing you regretted so much was the best thing that could have happened. These last 3 years have been difficult; a death and a birth.
Maggie
Hace algunos años, cuando conocí al que hoy en día es mi esposo, él se encontraba en el peor momento sentimentalmente hablando. Se sentía por el piso, con cuánta razón lo estaba. Su matrimonio había acabado porque su esposa, la que fue su novia desde hace ya 10 años, a 4 años de casados decidió serle infiel y como si fuera poco, eligió al mejor amigo de su esposo para cometer tal desfachatez, que al fin y al cabo tampoco era su mejor amigo. Cuando por cosas de la vida empezamos a frecuentarnos, él me platica que se estaba haciendo cargo de la mascota de su ex esposa; Maggie, una golden retriever de 5 años de edad que pesaba 35kgs. Al volverse nuestra relación más cercana de inmediato empecé a amarla como si fuera mía. Amaba jugar y su alma de cachorra siempre estaba llena de alegría. Todo el tiempo estaba llena de amor, tenía una personalidad increíble que lograba sacarle una sonrisa a cada persona.
Maggie
A few years ago, when I met my now husband, he was at his lowest point emotionally. He was feeling down in the dumps, and rightly so. His marriage had ended because his wife, who had been his girlfriend for 10 years, after 4 years of marriage decided to be unfaithful and as if that wasn't enough, she chose her husband's best friend to commit such impudence, who after all wasn't his best friend either. When we started dating, he told me that he was taking care of his ex-wife's pet; Maggie, a 5 year old golden retriever that weighed 35kgs. As our relationship became closer I immediately began to love her as if she were my own. She loved to play and her puppy soul was always full of joy. All the time she was full of love, she had an amazing personality that managed to bring a smile to every person's face.
Era inteligente y estaba entrenada; tenía sus horas exactas para ir al baño, como vivía en un apartamento el deber de su dueño era estar en casa a las horas del baño parar abrirle la puerta, bajar las escaleras y acompañarla abajo mientras hacia sus necesidades. Cuando decidimos mudarnos juntos, supe que era una gran responsabilidad, pero la asumí con todo el amor del mundo porque desde que la conocí sentí un amor con ningún otro, ella era fácil de querer, cualquiera que la conocía quedaba encantado con su personalidad. Me converti en su todo y ella en el mio. Era parte de nuestra familia; cuando salíamos de viaje, la llevábamos con nosotros al igual que cuando íbamos a la playa; amaba la playa, parecía una niña chiquita y no quería salirse del agua hasta el último momento. Si asistíamos a una fiesta y llegaba la hora del baño teníamos que conducir rápido porque sabíamos que Maggie esperaba ansiosa que le abrieran la puerta para salir. Era una responsabilidad compartida que ambos cumplíamos con mucho amor y dedicación.
She was intelligent and trained; she had her exact times to go to the bathroom, as she lived in an apartment the duty of her owner was to be home at bath time to open the door, go downstairs and accompany her downstairs while she did her business. When we decided to move in together, I knew it was a big responsibility, but I assumed it with all the love in the world because since I met her I felt a love like no other, she was easy to love, anyone who met her was enchanted with her personality. I became her everything and she became mine. She was part of our family; when we went on trips, we took her with us as well as when we went to the beach; she loved the beach, she looked like a little girl and did not want to get out of the water until the last moment. If we attended a party and it was bath time we had to drive fast because we knew Maggie was anxiously waiting for the door to be opened for her to get out. It was a shared responsibility that we both fulfilled with a lot of love and dedication.
Recuerdo aquellas palabras que le dijo mi esposo en diciembre de 2018 mientras celebrábamos año nuevo: ‘’ ¡Ven, Maggie! ¡Dame la patica! Te amo, si algún día me llegas a faltar, no sé qué será de mi’’. Fueron solo 2 semanas las que transcurrieron después de esas palabras. El 14 de enero de 2019 Maggie se nos fue. Días atrás, ella presento fiebre, la llevamos al veterinario y era la enfermedad que transmite la garrapata. Luego de suero, antibióticos, protectores gástricos, dieta y mucho amor vimos un poco de mejoría. Esa última noche mientras cenábamos ocurrió lo más inesperado; tuvo una convulsión que duro más de 1 hora, no supimos que hacer, solo la abrazamos mientras su cuerpo se movía y espuma salía de su trompa, con lágrimas en los ojos no la dejamos de sostener ni un segundo y decirle que todo estaría bien, desesperados llamamos al veterinario. Para el momento que llego, no había nada que hacer, salimos de la habitación mientras el doctor la dormía para siempre. Cuando pude entrar, ya Maggie no sufría mas, estaba tranquila descansando. Se veía hermosa en su sueño, solo nos quedó abrazarla mientras sentíamos ese dolor que quema el pecho. No me quería despegar de ella, quería tenerla conmigo ahí toda la vida. Pasar por el duelo de una mascota, al menos para mi, es igual que hacerlo con un ser querido. Maggie era mi mayor alegría.
I remember those words my husband said to her in December 2018 while we were celebrating New Year: '' Come, Maggie! Give me the patica! I love you, if someday you come to miss me, I don't know what will become of me''. It was only 2 weeks after those words. On January 14, 2019 Maggie left us. Days before, she presented fever, we took her to the vet and it was the disease transmitted by the tick. After serum, antibiotics, gastric protectors, diet and lots of love we saw some improvement. That last night while we were having dinner the most unexpected thing happened; she had a seizure that lasted more than 1 hour, we didn't know what to do, we just held her while her body moved and foam came out of her trunk, with tears in our eyes we didn't stop holding her for a second and telling her that everything would be ok, desperate we called the vet. By the time he arrived, there was nothing to do, we left the room while the doctor put her to sleep forever. By the time I was able to go in, Maggie was no longer suffering, she was resting peacefully. She looked beautiful in her sleep, we only had to hug her while we felt that pain that burns the chest. I didn't want to leave her, I wanted to have her with me for the rest of my life. Going through the grief of a pet, at least for me, is the same as grieving a loved one. Maggie was my greatest joy.
Nunca comprendí porque ella se tuvo que ir. El doctor nos había aclarado que ella estaba mayor y había pasado por esta enfermedad antes, su sistema estaba débil. Pasamos varios meses de duelo; yo no resistía estar sola en casa sin ella, la tristeza enseguida me inundaba. Me preguntaba por qué y mi llanto era inmediato. Mi esposo estuvo mucho más afectado que yo; el tampoco comprendía, si era algo que había pasado antes, ¿Por qué esta vez no resistió? ¿Hicimos algo mal? Esas preguntas lo atormentaban.
I never understood why she had to leave. The doctor had told us that she was older and had gone through this illness before, her system was weak. We spent several months grieving; I could not bear to be alone at home without her, sadness immediately flooded me. I wondered why and my crying was immediate. My husband was much more affected than me; he didn't understand either, if it was something that had happened before, why didn't he resist this time? Did we do something wrong? These questions tormented him.
El año 2019 había empezado de la peor manera para nosotros. Los siguientes meses fueron duros; tratando de adaptarnos a la idea de que nuestra Maggie no estaría más, que cuando alguno de los dos nos tocara quedarnos solos en casa se sentiría un vacío bastante grande y el dolor de no sentirla se apoderaría. Seguimos nuestras vidas cargando con esa profunda tristeza, sin saber que todo cambiaria de una manera inesperada, que todo tiene un porque y que la muerte de Maggie tenía su razón de ser.
The year 2019 had started in the worst way for us. The following months were hard; trying to adjust to the idea that our Maggie would be no more, that when either of us would be left alone at home there would be a huge void and the pain of not feeling her would take over. We went on with our lives carrying that deep sadness, not knowing that everything would change in an unexpected way, that everything has a reason and that Maggie's death had a reason for being.
Nacimiento
Cuando conocí al que actualmente es mi esposo, él estaba atravesando por un divorcio bastante difícil. Se encontraba en la etapa de aceptación, tratando de renunciar a todo por la traición de su esposa y su mejor amigo. Llevaba casado 4 años con la que era su novia desde hace 10 años atrás. Tener 14 años de relación con alguien y que termine de esta manera había sido doloroso para él. El había puesto toda su vida para ella; tenían las comodidades, carreras y trabajos estables. Hacían una pareja joven aparentemente feliz. Sin embargo, ambos tenían problemas para tener un bebé, cosa que era lo que más deseaban según cuenta mi esposo. Tratamientos, pruebas de laboratorio, consultas a diferentes especialistas en fertilidad, todas las puertas se habían tocado para encontrar la razón del por qué no había un bebé aun. Tiempo después determinaron que el problema era de ambos; ella presentaba dificultad con un ovario y él tenía bajo conteo de espermatozoides. Hubo una vez que se dio el embarazo; fue uno ectópico y tuvo un aborto espontaneo. Estuvieron devastados con el hecho durante meses. Y sólo se preguntaba por qué la vida se niega a darte la que quieres. El me hace saber que quizás eso fue lo que pudo haber roto el matrimonio como una manera de justificarla.
### Birth
When I met my current husband, he was going through a very difficult divorce. He was in the acceptance stage, trying to give up everything because of the betrayal of his wife and his best friend. He had been married for 4 years to his girlfriend of 10 years. Having 14 years of relationship with someone and having it end this way had been painful for him. He had put his whole life into her; they had the comforts, careers and stable jobs. They made a seemingly happy young couple. However, they were both having trouble having a baby, which is what they wanted most, according to my husband. Treatments, lab tests, consultations with different fertility specialists, all doors had been knocked on to find the reason why there was no baby yet. Some time later it was determined that the problem was both; she had difficulty with one ovary and he had a low sperm count. There was one pregnancy; it was an ectopic pregnancy and she had a miscarriage. They were devastated with the fact for months. And he just wondered why life refuses to give you the one you want. He lets me know that maybe that's what may have broken up the marriage as a way to justify it.
Al igual que él, yo estaba saliendo de una relación bastante duradera y nunca quede embarazada. Cuando decidimos compartir nuestra vida juntos era obvio que la gran pregunta salía a relucir cada que se podía. Siempre fui honesta con él, no quería hijos, no estaba preparada para tal responsabilidad y mis intereses no incluían quedar embarazada. Cuando teníamos 2 años viviendo juntos empecé a sufrir de amenorrea (falta del periodo menstrual) a causa de la toma de anticonceptivos esteroideos. Acudí a varios especialistas, todos me daban el mismo diagnóstico: ‘’No hay ovulación, por lo tanto no hay periodo menstrual y no habrá embarazo’’. Estuve así 3 años más, nunca nos cuidamos ya que sabía que las probabilidades de que mi esposo fecundara eran casi nulas.
Like him, I was coming out of a fairly long-term relationship and never got pregnant. When we decided to share our life together it was obvious that the big question came up every chance we got. I was always honest with him, I did not want children, I was not ready for such a responsibility and my interests did not include getting pregnant. When we had been living together for 2 years I started to suffer from amenorrhea (lack of menstrual period) due to taking steroid contraceptives. I went to several specialists, all of them gave me the same diagnosis: ''There is no ovulation, therefore there is no menstrual period and no pregnancy''. I was like that for 3 more years, we never took care of ourselves since I knew that the chances of my husband getting pregnant were almost nil.
No hubo presión, no hubo miles de intentos, ni siquiera lo anhelábamos ni esperábamos. Luego de la muerte de Maggie en 2019, unos pocos meses después quede embarazada. Mi esposo me rogó que repitiera la prueba de laboratorio y que en ese mismo momento fuéramos a comprobarlo con un ultrasonido. En efecto, habíamos confirmado mi embarazo. Decía que la emoción y la alegría no le cabía en el pecho, que era el hombre más afortunado, que tal dicha no podía ser expresada en palabras. Saber que iba a ser padre cuando ya había desechado las esperanzas me hizo conocer una faceta de él jamás vista y me gusto. Por otro lado yo me sentía aterrada, solo sentía miedo y nada más.
There was no pressure, no thousands of attempts, we didn't even long for it or expect it. After Maggie's death in 2019, a few months later I became pregnant. My husband begged me to repeat the lab test and right then and there we went to check with an ultrasound. Indeed, we had confirmed my pregnancy. He said that the excitement and joy did not fit in his chest, that he was the luckiest man, that such joy could not be expressed in words. Knowing that I was going to be a father when I had already discarded my hopes made me know a side of him I had never seen before and I liked it. On the other hand, I felt terrified, I only felt fear and nothing else.
Poco después, encontrándonos conocidos en esta ciudad tan pequeña, escuchamos que la ex esposa de mi esposo había tenido un bebé justo días antes de enterarme que yo estaba esperando el mío. La vida siempre poniendo todo en su lugar.
Shortly thereafter, meeting acquaintances in this tiny town, we heard that my husband's ex-wife had had a baby just days before I found out I was expecting mine. Life always puts everything in its place.
Aunque mi embarazo no fue el tiempo más grato que pude pasar, salí bien librada de todo con un bebé saludable de casi 4kgs nacido por cesárea el 05/05/2020. Desde que nuestro bebé tenía meses nos dimos cuenta que el bebé presentaba erupciones en el cuerpo que parecía molestarle, para nosotros verlo incomodarse de esa manera fue lo más parecido a sufrir en ese momento. Luego de visitar especialistas, nos informaron que era alérgico a varias cosas incluyendo el pelo de los perros. Mi esposo y yo nos quedamos estáticos y yo me atreví a decirle: ‘’Creo que Maggie murió para que nuestro hijo pudiera nacer’’. Cada momento importante es representado por una pieza de rompecabezas que va encajando con las demás a medida que el tiempo va transcurriendo, ya que todo no ocurre en efecto dominó, pueden pasar años para luego encontrarle sentido a esa pieza que faltaba, para el final crear el más perfecto bonito rompecabezas llamado vida.
Although my pregnancy was not the most pleasant time I could have had, I came through it all with a healthy baby boy of almost 4kgs born by c-section on 05/05/2020. Since our baby was months old we noticed that the baby had rashes on his body that seemed to bother him, for us to see him get uncomfortable like that was the closest thing to suffering at the time. After visiting specialists, we were informed that he was allergic to several things including dog hair. My husband and I stood static and I dared to tell him, ''I think Maggie died so that our son could be born.'' Each important moment is represented by a puzzle piece that fits together with the others as time goes by, since everything does not happen in a domino effect, it can take years to make sense of that missing piece, to finally create the most perfect puzzle called life.
Hoy en día mi esposo, cada vez que su mirada se pierde viendo al ser que salió de él, irónicamente agradece todo lo que la vida le quitó.
Today my husband, every time his gaze wanders to the human being that came out of him, he is ironically grateful for all that life took from him.
Las imágenes son de mi autoria
The images are my own
Para la traduccion usé DeepL
For the translation I used the translator DeepL
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