Flashback of memories can always entangle our vision of today. It can mingle with it, and disturb our future. Do you believe in that? I did and I do too. Many memories voluntarily make their way into our lives and we tend to let them stick around, not because we cannot change it but because the importance of their existence cannot let our present stop. Interestingly, we eventually forget it or surpass it.
Surpass, is a very interesting word indeed. We humans think in a complicated way and also the most simplest way, which makes this simple word sound so complicated to many and vise-versa. However, are we aware that the way we present something, it is easier to manipulate our thoughts? If you are the kind of person who is very much surrounded by positive energy and simple-minded people, eventually you will not observe the world simply. On another note, if you are the kind of person who observes the critical parts of life, the harsh reality, you will tend to be a very stern and complicated person.
Now, is it true? The statement, that I made, is it true? Let us take a peek into this small conversation down here.
Scene 1:
A: "I am unhappy that they surpassed me and you didn't."
B: "You would have been unhappy if I did."
Scene 2:
A: "I am unhappy that they surpassed me and you didn't."
B: "Maybe it is good that I didn't, we are in this together now."
Scenario:
What is happening, do you think? Let me elaborate, A has aimed a statement to B without realizing how B will act to it. Both A and B are best friends, but even though they are so close to each other, they are unaware of how the other may respond or feel when spoken in a certain way. The scenario provided can and could have had a much deeper scar on both of them if it was left unattended or if one would have been much harsher. In this case, I believe that B has the key to normalizing the situation or making it worse. So, let us dive into it.
In both scenarios, it is clear that A had no intention to use negative words to B as they are best friends. However, the way A approached B, to B it may have sounded negative. Now, why is that? The scenario is this, that, both A and B, are done with their university life and are about to step into the next stage of their life. A is having a financial crisis but A always dreamt of themselves highly. Although A never had a specific goal per se, A was determined that she will stand on her feet. However, B was never that sort of person, she didn't want to start with her bachelor's nor had any goals further in life, but by luck, she was done with her bachelor's finally. While they are best friends, A never could accept a few things normally, and one of them was low-standards. A was of high standards and she could not adjust to low standards of living. However, interestingly, B was never of low standards but she never expressed she was of high standards.
Now, the issue is that one is bound by luck to delay their progress in life while another is not bound by luck but is delaying their progress in life. As being friends one is supposed to shelter another or help another rise, but eventually besides that one's own emotions of being at loss intertwines and make a mess of the situation presented. Which will only get ugly if touched again. So, let me show you how it works.
In Scene 1 & Scene 2, A is done by giving their statement of how unhappy she is that others are doing great in their lives while B is unable to. B on the other hand is going through mixed feelings of understanding if A is directly actually unhappy that others have succeeded more than A themselves or is A unhappy that B did not, while others did. While B was still trying to adjust and understand the emotions they were going through, she asked A if so what A meant. B simply asked and clarified what A meant; A is unhappy that everyone succeeded while B could not.
Now, saying these verses to B did not help B in any manner. B is not the kind of person to feel bad if being left out. Nor is B the kind of person to feel overwhelmed when said that. However, B was taken aback as it was said by a bestie, whom B never thought would say this. If we consider B to a random individual, it is much likely for B to feel down or feel anxious about the way A was behaving. Making one feel left behind is not a wise way of introducing reliability. Nor, portraying your words of unhappiness when another is supposed to be at loss in your angle but not theirs. If one behaves in a manner to make another feel at loss, that surely is not a behavior that is acceptable, that is how I feel.
Now, why is that so? Because, there are two ways of interpreting what A said, one, where A is intending to make B feel insecure about lagging behind and expressing how she is sympathetic about it or, another, where A is truly feeling bad that B is lagging behind while A themselves are lagging behind too. Another focus can be drawn too, where A simply states that she is unhappy with others succeeding while just tagging along with B to add a relation. However, we also can take her statement to be as it is, that she is unhappy that B is doing nothing with her life and also unhappy that others are doing so much so; only thinking of B alone.
In Scene 1, B responded in a negative tone yet meant a positive output. B said that A would be unhappy if they would have succeeded, it can have two meanings to it, one, where A would have been unhappy if B succeeded, another, where A would have been unhappy if A would have been left alone, now as B is with A, A is not alone. So, the response that B gave to A, is not simple. It is as twisted as what A stated. Both are giving messages which are unclear.
In Scene 2, B responds in a positive tone, with a positive attitude, giving a direct message. Life is much simpler with direct messages and with a direct message it is even clear what one aims to address. However, many claims that humans are diverse and are prone to converse differently and it is only wise to accept them as they are. This is when I rethink and rethink, life as a whole, and the complication, we bring with speaking on different terms and meanings, but by using the same words.
It is very interesting to know that what we say, we may mean it or we may not. While one is very serious on their part and another is just pulling legs, lines do not meet, and that is how relationships do not last for long if one fails to understand one another. Here, is when I can intervene and show the right and wrong, while one speaks to one other. It is very important to know who that person is, how they speak, who they are because not everyone thinks from one angle. The way you converse may give them hints of sorts that you are much unaware of. This leads to misunderstandings, chaos, and nothing better. Assuming has always been an easy subject, what was hard is to be direct and straight, while using any tone or attitude you like to.
May all relationships sustain much longer than flickering away. May we be much wiser as time flies away. With a philosophical ending, I am closing this post. We can hope to become more of a better being while actually applying it rather than wasting our chance away.
The End!
{Cover- Source}
The 1st release: Mental illness a censured sickness (Part One)
The 2nd release: Mental illness a censured sickness (Part Two)
The 3rd release: Mental illness a censured sickness (Part Three)