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The term marriage is predominantly used to represent the epitome of Love, Sacrifice and commitment. It is not just a union between two people who feel like they are ready to start a family together but a lifelong journey couples must travel with shared dreams and ambitions. A lot of couples usually rush into the realm of matrimony with the thought that love will be enough to sustain the challenges that comes with it and even bring them both together creating evolving connections that transcend a lifetime but just a few months after walking down the isle together they begin to question their choices with words like "what even attracted me to this person?" " I'm I sure I married the right partner?" etc. Sometimes, these questions arise after a disagreement amongst spouses or a discovery about a behaviour that was not visible prior marriage. It usually takes a lot of communication, sacrifice, commitment and endurance to get past this phase of discomfort even taking the route of therapy to make things work again. However, in this current era, issues like this usually lead to an end in the marriage with some couples even lasting for just a month, what a nightmare. Society keeps deteriorating for the worst and with the direction it is heading, a vast majority of youths are scared of getting married tagging it as a mistake waiting to happen and I am slowly beginning to understand why.
From a very young age I also looked at marriage and family as the ultimate achievement for a man. Growing when asked what I wanted to be in future, my response was " I wanted to become a Good Husband and a Great Father". This just shows how much I love marriage which can easily be traced to the fact that I grew up in a wholesome home regardless of its numerous financial complications and this is a trait I hope to reproduce in my own family excluding the money problems obviously 🤣🤣.
Now in the not so distant future when I finally get married and just after a year of becoming one with my wife, I realize I feel no form of attraction towards her, the first course of action should be communication. Things like this don't usually spring up out of nowhere, it starts off with little things like, no longer enjoying her company, limited intimacy, working extra hours to hinder any form of interaction, being easily irritated by her presence etc. this things continue to pile up until one ends up despising the very person who used to mean everything to you.
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When I begin to notice these subtle changes in my behavior towards her which I have obviously ignored leading me to this very destination, I am automatically sacrificing a whole week to talk and try to work things out. Unfortunate relationships in the past caused by me constantly avoiding any form of uncomfortable conversation has taught me the value of having a heart to heart with my partners to air out grievances and find the best possible solutions to them. This strategy has saved relationships from early termination and that is what I intend to do. I will confront her about how I feel, put everything on the table, ask for her own opinion about the issue and commit to evolving into better versions of ourselves.
As a hardcore African traditionalist, therapy sounds poison to the eye. However for the sake the marriage, we are both going to a therapist in hopes to work things out. Falling out of love with a partner doesn't always seems like it feels. The weight of marriage and responsibilities can be so heavy that it ends up pulling couples apart. Other factors like lust for the outside, prioritizing personal growth instead of the family's can also lead to this type of feelings. Acknowledging them helps to kick start the healing process taking one on a road I am ever always ready to take.
If after awhile this feeling still persists and there are still no positive outcomes from it all, then I guess it is obvious the marriage will not be having its happily ever after. I still want to give it a few extra tries to make it work but if the results still remain the same , the best thing to do at this point would be to walk away. As it is always better to end it rather than spend the rest of my life living in a better home unfit to even birth children
Thank you all