Life is said to be the product of the choices and decisions we make. But truth be said, life sometimes, doesn't always turn out the way we planned. Sometimes, life just happens. I've had fears about how mine was going to turn out for so long. Perhaps my fears were hinged on the fact that I had younger ones who looked up to me and parents so strict I dared not walk the wrong path.
Amongst my many fears, was the thought of becoming a single mother in my teenage years. As I grew into my teenage years, I witnessed young girls especially teenage girls getting pregnant out of wedlock. My fears increased when my best friend, Rhoda got pregnant. Sometimes, I wonder how I managed to escape the scene. We should both be single mothers by now, but I escaped somehow, by chance. She had set me up but somehow, luck shined on me. I sneaked out of that rape-den by a stroke of luck.
Now, when I sit and ponder on how my life would've turned out if I had a child out of wedlock, the negatives overwhelm me. What would have been my fate? Can I raise a child alone? Can I cope with the responsibility? Can I even live with the stigma? Will I be strong?
I know the status of a single mother comes with so much demands but the disadvantages seem to outweigh the advantages. Firstly, irrespective of the circumstances surrounding the birth of the child I have to cater for the physical, emotional needs of the child.It doesn't matter if I care less, I must be the mom I ought to be. I must dispense love, admiration for my child whether or not someone else shows me love in return. Irrespective of my frustrations, I must let love flow to my child from the innermost layer of my being. Funny enough, the love of a true mother flows freely, purely. Most of us are products of single mothers, and there's never a time our mothers poured out their frustrations on us. Not that the hurt and frustration of singlehandedly raising another human being with needs isn't there, but the love that a mother has for her child is beyond what words can express.
If I were a single mother, I will shield my child from the deceit that lies in the world. This may sound selfish to some extent, but I will not watch my child give the entirety of his trust to strangers. Call it "building a wall of fear".My ideal intention, is to teach him self dependence. I'll live every day, teaching him/her that man is naturally selfish and would trample on another's feelings just to derive satisfaction. My life as a single parent would be wholistically centered around my child and his/growth process.
The stigma that accompanies being a single mother is dreadful especially in the African region. Most single mothers are perceived as promiscuous. In as much as you have no husband, you must be a "loose woman". How fair is that? Even if it was a case of rape? I'll fight, defend and protect my child from mockers who would want to strike a chord by asking,
"Boy, who's your daddy?",
"Madame, where's your husband?"
as if intending to care about me or my child. I won't hesitate to shield my child from joy killers and bullies. I'll put up a fight if I have to.He didn't ask to be born into the world so, I wouldn't hold back in my defence.
Life would've been different for me. Perhaps, I would keep no friends if I were a single mother. My child would be my only friend. Because friends like Rhoda are no good.
Having no partner to support would mean putting in extra effort at my job, learning a few more skills to keep the ball rolling and take care of my child's needs. Well, for me, every drop of sweat will be worth it, as far as my child's needs are met.This 'softie' of a girl would become strong and exhibit a manliness that she never knew she possessed after all. Every woman has it buried in her, that strength that makes you want to survive, and prove the world around you wrong. Mine would've been to the extreme, I'll work to put food on the table, buy toys for my son and Barbie dolls for my baby girl. It'd give me fulfilment, seeing my kids do well after all.
I see them every day, single moms, some, victims of circumstances they had no control over.Good ladies with golden hearts, misunderstood most of the time and loveable too. They go through so much, yet say less. Nobody truly understands, unless they wear the same shoes. Like me, I can't comprehend enough, how my life would be by now, if I didn't leave that room that second.Perhaps, I'd be forced to have a child, or two,
or even more. Life would've happened to me too, like it happened to many others, good girls like me...