Growing up, I had a lot of freedom, and my mom was actually pretty relaxed about letting us explore. She wasn't the type of parent who put strict boundaries on where we could go or who we could be with. She trusted us enough to let us go out with friends, visit new places, and just have a sense of freedom. I was able to make friends easily—at least with other guys. But when it came to having female friends, I was in a completely different zone.
For some reason, I just never made friends with girls. It wasn’t that I felt too proud or anything like that; I just didn’t see the point. Plus, I was shy, and I guess that made it even harder to approach or connect with girls on a friendship level. Honestly, it affected me in ways I didn’t even realize back then. I’d have little flings with girls, but looking back, they were barely real relationships. Since we were young, it was as simple as chatting for a few days, and before you knew it, I was asking them out without actually getting to know them. And when the so-called “relationship” fell apart—which it always did—it felt awkward because we didn’t even have a friendship to fall back on.
Fast forward to now, and those choices I made are coming back around. As an adult, I struggle to talk to girls, even if we’re in the same class or studying the same subject. There's just this mental block. I feel uncomfortable around them, and it’s like I'm back in those days, unsure of how to even start a conversation. I’d love to connect with some of them, even just on a friendly level, but I don’t know where to begin. Since starting university, I haven’t had a single girlfriend, and it’s not for lack of interest—just the struggle to communicate and try to be friends with them.
Sometimes I try to get a girl’s number, hoping I’ll break through the shyness, but as soon as I have it, the real challenge begins. Keeping up a conversation is like climbing a mountain. I find myself waiting for the girl to take charge, to somehow bridge the gap and make things less awkward, but it rarely happens. I’ve realized that some girls might actually be open to making things work, but they’re not going to carry the entire weight of the conversation, and I can’t blame them for that.
The idea of taking a class to “learn” how to talk to engage in meaningful conversations with girls sounds silly, but honestly, if that existed, I’d probably sign up and even pay. It’s kind of embarrassing to think that I’m supposed to be an adult—a guy who can hold his own—but I feel like I can barely string sentences together when I’m nervous. Sometimes, I wonder if I’m overthinking it, but other times, I really worry about my future. It crosses my mind that if I can’t hold a proper conversation now, how am I supposed to get married someday? Building a relationship, sharing life with someone, requires being able to open up, and I can’t even do that on a basic level.
I wish it was easier to just be comfortable in my skin around girls. Being in a relationship, in theory, sounds amazing, but my own shyness is like a wall I can’t seem to break down. Some days, I find myself just shaking my head, wondering how I’m ever going to figure this out. The idea of missing out on real connections because of something like this—it’s frustrating. But maybe being aware of it is the first step. I’m hopeful that with time, I’ll find a way to get past the shyness and just be myself around the people I want to get closer to.
image is from Meta Ai