Growing up back in the day, especially as teenagers, there were things common among a lot of mothers. For some strange reason my mum has stopped doing it, but then she would do it without looking back and it hurts like hell. My siblings still complain that she does it to them, especially my teenage brother and younger sister who my mum doesn't slack on having it hot with time. Sometimes I like to think she enjoys it, other times I just wonder why. There was a time I was in both their shoes and menh… it was really bad. On several occasions I would wonder if she hated me, built up a lot of rage within me until the day it burst open and everyone thought I was some kind of monster.
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Talking me down and trying to guilt trip me hasn't always been my strong suit, at first it got to me, but after a time it stopped appealing to me. I stopped thinking about what others think about me and cared less the manner they said it because my mum is one to always find faults and guilt trip you into seeing faults in yourself that weren't there. Especially in times she knows deep down she did something wrong but isn't ready to admit that she did it because it would make her feel she can no longer correct or control you. Today if I do something wrong and I know I did I just apologize on the spot and try to make up for it. But if I'm sure I didn't and I see she's ranting I just look at her with a smile and not take whatever she's saying to heart.
The last time she chose to be unapologetic to me that broke the Camel's back was when I was still staying with my parents within the years I dropped out of school. Despite the fact that she always had half my salary (despite how small it was) and I was always trying to manage what was Left to save up for going to school and getting a new laptop plus my transportation and feeding at work was all covered in one half of my salary. It wasn't enough for her and the day I got a laptop for myself, although it was fairly fairly used, I was expecting my mum of all people to be happy for me. But in truth she wasn't. She had spent the money I gave her that month on something nobody knew.
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It was obviously for something religious and knowing my kind of person to be always compassionate and understanding, she tried to guilt trip me into thinking I was reckless with my money and never had the family in mind. She was ranting about this with every member of the family gathered except my dad, and to be honest I couldn't believe what I was hearing from her mouth. She made it seem like I was irresponsible and I was using the laptop I got to make them think I was. And that was when I had it with her. I couldn't say much because when I tried to speak, it was so painful coming from my mum that tears started rolling down and it was at that moment everyone knew she messed up. She tried to make it up to me with food and all, but I didn't eat and left home shortly after. To date we never talked about it and to be honest I don't want to hear anything about it
