Some days life hit so hard that even the most simplest things to do seems the hardest. This particular topic made me want to share my personal experience with the hope that you will definitely learn from it. I’ve had those days where I just sit at the edge of my bed, staring into nothing, wondering if the dreams I carry in my heart are just fantasies I'll never live to see.
Talking about setbacks, we are all human, and we've all gone through it one time or the other, you will agree with me that setbacks don’t come with a warning, they don’t knock. They just barge in like a thief in the night to wreck havoc and leave one to do the cleaning up. You will agree with me also that, setbacks are not the end.
I remember the year I was to graduate from school, Agricultural Technology was never my dream course, but while on it, I loved it. Back then, school was very choking and draining, so I couldn't wait to graduate. I had made plans, I made plans for NYSC (National Youth Service Corps), I planned working towards a scholarship abroad, the next year and following years had been well mapped out, it was bright and meaningful.
Well, life happened, I failed a particular course, even though the course was a little hard, I knew I did well. Even though life was busy teaching me outside the walls of my classroom. I had a lot to deal with before and during my last semester examination. My mother was sick, I have younger siblings looking up to me, in between all of these, I had to go for my part-time jobs as well.
When the result came out and I saw an “F”, I felt bad and cried, even my friends were surprised, I went ahead to see the lecturer in charge of the course, he asked me some questions and even though I wasn't prepared, I did well, he was amazed and decided to check what went wrong, he did and said it was due to the fact that I had a lot of absent from his lectures and didn't submit my note(he's the one lecturer in my institution who marks students note book every week), I felt bad, he said he could have helped but the result is already out on the portal, I felt bad not just because of the grade, but because it felt like life slapped me for trying too hard to survive.
For weeks, I was just alone, I withdrew from everything...people, my phone, gatherings and all. But while in all that, I picked myself back up, I challenged myself, and I heard life asking me.. “How badly do you want this? I didn't respond to it, I decided to respond with my result. So, I registered for the course again, I studied well and at the end, I didn't just pass, I aced that particular course. And when I finally graduated, the delay didn’t matter, what mattered was that I didn’t let the setback define my story.
Another moment was during the early days of my coaching journey. I started burning with passion, I wanted to help, inspire, guide, to be a voice for the broken and give them hope, but reality set in, I did it on my WhatsApp status and for the first few months, my DM was empty, people just checked. It was as if I was invisible, I questioned myself....who did I think I was trying to inspire, am I seen, am I really helping, am I not just wasting my time, maybe its not time for me to start this....and many more were the questions I asked myself, I almost gave up, but something in me whispered to me it's just part of the process.
So, I continued, I added a few things, I allowed people share their fear through anonymous links, I also allowed brilliant minds to give advice and opinions, I started telling my own personal stories and all, I talked about fear, failure, heartbreak, confusion and more. Little by little, I started seeing engagements, I see replies coming in...I began seeing.... “Thank you, I needed this, this is timely, I need someone to advice me.....". And that was my win, mind you, it didn’t come from perfection, it came from embracing my own mess and using it as light for others.
Setbacks only come to test you, to test your voice, to test your strength, to see if you can actually keep holding on, to see if you will rise up. And if you can do that, if you can rise when everything inside you says to give up, believe me, no setback can hold you down for long, you will definitely over come it.
While counselling someone, I shared three strategies to overcome setbacks.
1- Reflection- first off, have a rethink, calm to reflect on what went wrong.
2- Resilience- You build self, you build resilience enough to keep standing and holding on even ejem there's no hope for help or change in sight, you build resilience to keep standing even when nothing seems to be working.
3- Reinvention/Revitalization- This meams3 that you change your approach, your voice, your route, your prayer point, your energy. You won't quit nor give up on your dream, you just change your route/approach.
In conclusion, to anyone reading this who feels stuck, helpless, defeated, invisible or overlooked, remember that even a seed must be buried before it grows and blooms. That setback you are experiencing is probably the very soil your success/greatness needs. So, don't rush the process, don’t compare your timing to that of others. The most beautiful things in life are not those things that come easy, the most beautiful and worthwhile things are those things you fought for, cried on, and prayed your way into.
All pictures are mine..screenshots of my WhatsApp status and anonymous I did.