The above words have been on my mind for a few days now and anytime an answer comes to my mind, I ask myself one simple truthful question, "Is this final answer what you truly want or what you think will just bring forth income"?
Yeah, whatever thought I am having now is for the income but is it going to be something I would be happy doing with or without the income or am I just coming up with these ideas majorly for the income, not because it is what I want to do wholeheartedly?
Currently a final year student in the field of study in humanity (Guidance and Counselling) in a few months from today, I will become a graduate, and in a few months from now, I will be entering the first third stage of my life. I want more, I need stability, I need financial independence, I need income, streams of income because life is no longer the way it used to be back down, their is a doubling of prices in everything, I need to move into the next phase of my life, not that I am in a rush, but my stability may or may not be a superior determinant of what my next phase of life may be but regardless, I need to have clarity of what next.
Although we prayed for this moment, being a final year student, is no joke out here, I guess while we prayed for this moment, the universe waited for us with a smirk because it comes with extra financial responsibility and its either you are doing this or doing that or you are doing everything all together so you don't have to be left behind by your colleagues or pay fees for doing it late and you can complain because it is what it is.
Just yesterday, I walked past a big luxurious plaza and it reminded me of my then young dream and the age I had set for myself, I have been due past that age for as long as I can remember but the dream looks more like a hallucination than even a dream because it looks too far fetched reach with the fact that right now, I do not know what I want to do for a starter after I am done with my current degree.
I do know I would love to further my studies for Masters degree in the same discipline but right now, the "When" and "How" are the important questions because I just can not finish now and move on to it, I need to work towards the financial aspects and be stable enough also I had no intention of doing it here.
I needed a more advanced country to further so I could be able to practice better my discipline and feel or see the different ways other countries handle my discipline and be able to understand more about it and its varieties. Asking myself "What's next" and What is the "What next you would want to do not just for the money but because you love it" has been a disturbing burden that I can not kick off just too suddenly because it is a lifetime decision that needs critical thinking.
The last time I had this question running in my mind was November last year, when I lost my mom to the cold hands of death, the question kept ringing in my head, because it felt strange being without her, it felt like starting life all over again, I haven't been able to move past that, but I was able to start life, one day at a time, and I step at a time but now it has to do with my personal life, my growth. I can not just pretend like the heavy lump isn't there, I can not overlook it, something has to be done but then, "What"?, "What Next"?.
I don't know if this is a rant but I just had to drop this here and maybe come back to it when I finally have clarity.
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