I used to be very aggressively loud when I get angry. I mean, to me, it felt like I should stop any bullshit that I hated on the spot, and let the person realize what they had done immediately, no matter where, when or even how.
At that point, the littlest of mistakes annoyed me, and I would flare up and say many unspeakable things. Not just that, my body would vibrate from the many angers, and the talk of “it’s enough” from people would annoy me the more.
I had a friend who was one of the best friends I’ve had in a long time. Her level of patience was out of this world, and I wondered how someone could be so calm and cool-headed. It felt like nothing could get her angry, and most of the times, when people stepped on her, she would rather quietly walk out of the life of that person such that even the person would wonder what happened.
I was her complete opposite. I hated bullshit, and I wouldn’t tolerate any iota of it. What I failed to learn was that sometimes, even anger deserves to be treated with a high level of intelligence, else, the emotion will take over your body completely, and you will do and speak things that you wouldn’t be able to take back.
One day, we were on our way to get a thing, and she said something that annoyed me, then I flared up, almost immediately. It wasn’t a scene I would want a repeat of because I regretted my actions almost instantly, but it was too late.
I said so many things that hurt her, and she was so mad that she couldn’t utter a word. To her, she preferred to hold her peace and just quietly avoid the person, and that was exactly what she did to me.
She stopped talking to me and would only say “hi” whenever our path crossed. I texted her that I was sorry, but the embarrassment she felt couldn’t be undone, so I accepted my fate, and decided to stop being the lousily angry one.
I worked on myself so much that now, getting angry is not something I want to do always because I find it emotionally draining and torturing. I avoid situations that would put me in situations where I would need to scream, and shout. Even my siblings wonder how I could be this cool.
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The day I scolded our last born, she was shocked because it had never happened. Whenever I’m angry I prefer to stay quiet until the anger that’s boiling calms so that I would be able to logically address the situation because I wouldn’t allow my emotions to take over and rule over me.
I have decided to take charge because I have noticed that getting angry and flaring up while at it renders me unproductive and makes me lose a lot of time trying to calm my nerves. And to think my voice is not that loud and I suffer sore throat easily, I rather drink water, calm my nerves, and come back to addressing the issue with the person later.
And if I notice that the person takes me for a fool for not flaring up because of what happened, I will quietly walk out of the life of that person to prevent a recurrence.
I believe anger is an emotion, and it is only normal to make sure that it does not control us. So, for this and many others stated above, I prefer to be silent when I’m angry. It is better I go through the emotions within and finally calm it rather than spitting fire that would refuse to be quenched in years to come.
This is my entry to InLeo prompt for the month of February. The details is here.