See expressing myself is so hard, because when I try to say something it gets interpreted as another thing and it puts me in a tight spot, but that moment I still cannot say this is what I want to say because I don't know how to say it, it is really frustrating sometimes because it makes people get the wrong thoughts.
And it is not even like I don’t try, I actually think about what I want to say before I say it, I go over it in my head, I try to arrange it so it comes out well, but somehow it still lands differently, It is like I am speaking one language and people are hearing another one entirely, Like that gap between what I mean and what people understand can be so tiring.
So a few days ago I was talking to a friend and they said when I say something they feel like I am trying to always fault someone for something thats my fault whereas my intention was to point out my feelings about that certain thing, that one really got to me, because in my head I was just trying to explain how I felt, not blame anybody, But hearing that made me start questioning myself like, am I really coming off like that? Is that how people have been seeing me this whole time?
And the annoying part is, I don’t even know how to fix it immediately, because how do you correct something when you don’t fully understand where it is going wrong?see It just makes you start overthinking every little thing you want to say, before you even speak, you are already editing, re editing, God ......
and sometimes you just end up not saying anything at all.
Seriously.aybe I should be keeping quiet about how I feel things and just let life take its course, that thought has crossed my mind more times than I want to admit, Like maybe silence is easier, maybe it avoids all this misunderstanding and stress, but at the same time, keeping everything in does not feel right either, because then where do my feelings go? They don’t just disappear.
So like this now, I am just stuck in this middle place where I want to express myself, but then I am also scared of being misunderstood too, see ehn , It is really frustrating because communication is supposed to make things clearer, but for me sometimes it just complicates things the more.
Hmmm.... I guess what I am slowly realizing is that maybe it is not about shutting up completely maybe..... but about learning how to say things in a way that people can actually receive them just the way I mean them to be understood, and that is not something that will just happen overnight, It is something I will have to keep working on, even if it feels uncomfortable for me
Argh..... For now, I am just trying to be a bit more patient with myself, because the truth is that, I am not trying to hurt anyone or blame anyone, I am just trying to be understood, and maybe with time, I will figure out how to close that gap between what I mean and what people hear.
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