I saw the prompt and I was going to skip it (pretending I'm okay again) but I paused and realized just how much I've changed a lot from before. Now, I easily share with some dear to me, when I dont okay inside me or about something. My past self was okay with literally everything.
That didn't change overnight, even now, there are times I'd rather look okay to anyone else and bear my cross alone because I believe that way, I'd be able to overcome easily. As sad as it is, some people are not meant to know you're suffering for something, most of them tend to make it worse.
Since I started to try sharing my hurts and "not okay" moments with people dearest to me or people that I believe have my best interest at heart, I've learned a few things which I'll share here. First of all, I wasn't fully honest until a close friend made me, I felt so vulnerable and exposed.
But when that feeling was met with words from the friend that seem to understand me so well and encouraged me, I felt stronger after. As much as we can't risk sharing our pains with just anyone, having someone who truly cares and won't judge you for not being okay is a blessing.
We all need that one or two persons who truly gets us and won't start comparing our problems with theirs, it's one of the experiences I've had in sharing that I am not okay. People tend to list out more problems when you're trying to be focused on getting better from one. It's a really sad reality.
But that doesn't mean I have to bottle everything up, if there is one thing I'm happy to have learned better is to know what I should bottle up and what I shouldn't. One of the things I should talk about is when I'm not okay inside me about something and that has helped save my energy.
It's hard to not pretend but that's because of the people we have around us. Show me someone who has a person that truly appreciates their existence, they rarely have to pretend and always true to their feelings around the person. If I have more of such person, I believe I'll be more open.
I've been fighting not to pretend for a while now and it's been going quite well and I learn more about how people handle situations, how they think and their words towards what is not okay with me. It's a whole discovery on its own but what's most important is, I'm not avoiding what needs attention and I'm doing that intentionally.
Image used is AI generated.