Sometimes when I'm alone with my thoughts, I can't help but interact with my alter egos. I can go back and forth with them debating on what can and/or cannot work for me in general. All the while, I do that mentally, alone on the outside.
There's this day. It was on good Friday, a day when my past caught up with me. I was just chilling when my ex-husband decided to ruin my day on my own phone. What started as a catchup ended up in tears on my end. I sat there in my room, writing in my journal, tears dripping, because a part of me I was healing had been scratched, and now the wound felt fresh again.
After writing and crying, I silently told my inner child and that version of me that was hurt, "It's going to be okay, this is not the end." I sat there silently hugged and rocked myself till I felt better. I wished I could let that version out, look her in the eyes, and tell her she is well, he can't get to you, hug her and wipe her tears.
It'd be easier to talk to my alter egos face to face, to laugh out loud at silly mistakes, have a shoulder to lean on, and have someone to blame; yes, having someone to blame when things go sideways, because it's a part of me that makes wrong decisions, and it'd be nice pointing fingers at that part in real life, haha. Imagine having to literally call yourself a meeting, all your alter egos in one room, figuring out what needs to be done, and celebrating milestones.
But here's the catch. I'd clone myself only if the scientist gave life to my alter egos and gave me full control. You know, they get to continue living rent-free in me, and I get to summon them when need arises, especially in times of indecisiveness. Like when I can't figure out what I want to wear to a party, or what I want to cook, or I need a piece of advice, or I need a push to keep going. Now if he makes me clones that can help make those decisions, then I'm all in. But if he can't produce each and every alter ego in me, then, I'll pass. There is no need to have more nuance in my life. It's already loud as it is.
Thank you for reading❤️!