HOW PERFECTIONISM RUINS LIFE , My Life.
Everything has to be just right so that nobody could ever criticize me.
Perfectionism
Just a note, If you’ve been enjoying my personal development content. It’s going to be daily from now on and every 18:00 GMT +0. So, if you’re up for some thinking out loud or anything, feel free to use my comment section to have a discussion. Today I am talking about something I have struggled with really bad ever since I was a kid: perfectionism. In the previous post, I talked about embracing imperfection and productivity. But today, it's more about how I got to this point and a lot more events in my life that was ruined because I was chasing perfections.
That’s what I thought as a kid. Growing up, I was so accustomed with A and 100 on my marks. Whenever I got 97 or 98, I would beat myself up and feel like I was a failure in life. Even more so when I lost during a competition too. It’s really sad to look back that a kid would think her life is a failure just because of one wrong answer.
I was then so accustomed to quitting whenever I didn’t get the perfect mark,the perfect shape for my drawing, the perfect (insert everything you name it). When I got a slight criticism, I would drop whatever I was doing and lose interest. I considered myself a stupid and incapable of doing it. Only when I was around 10, I got so fed up with everything and rebelled. However, since my issues haven’t been resolved, it manifests differently. Unless I get everything right, I wouldn’t start. Unless I have the perfect studying conditions, I wouldn’t do that. I put so much condition to my life that while my friends excel with not chasing perfection, I was left behind. At the same time, I continued to dismiss the fact that I work hard for everything I achieved in my life just because others told me, “ I didn’t work that hard to achieve it, that was easy for me”. As adults, now I learned they could be lying. They work hard too.
With chasing perfectionism, comes high expectations.
I always have high expectations for everything in life and what I want to have. I know it’s good but for a person like me, such things have become a double edged sword. I love working alone and can’t seem to be bothered asking for help because to me, others couldn’t have done it as perfect as I am. Though you know, great things aren’t solely done by one person. They always have a team working together and complement each other's imperfections. It was one of the flaws in my thinking and I slowly recognized too. We need others to do the things we couldn’t have done well. Each of us have strengths and weaknesses and that’s okay.
As an adult, the situation I mentioned above and my inability to accept criticism was also part of the reason why I fell into depression. When I was in my early freelancing journey, I met with this bad customer who said there was something missing from my work. Though like everything in my life, I tried to build a great track record. Until that one customer who was dissatisfied with my work was just giving me a light criticism. For everyone, that criticism was just a great feedback and perhaps a thing to be reflected upon but for me, it was the end of my career and my life. Right there and then, I quit for many months until it took me a while to get back up.
I hated to be disliked and receive criticism….
Only later in life, when my confidence was crushed and I have a lower self-esteem, as well as manifesting a lot of negative thoughts, I learned to finally learn that chasing perfectionism all these years ruined myself and my life.
Like today, when I was attempting to make my own tortilla, I wanted it to be the perfect shape and the perfect texture. But guess what, for someone who recently made a tortilla again after years, that was expected. When I first made the tortilla this morning, the shape was so ugly that even while making it, I was afraid to be criticized- though there’s nobody who will. It prompted me to try once again and I eventually did it. Had it not been the one that you see above, I would have made a dozen tortillas just to get the perfect shape like the one they have at a store that’s mass manufactured and not really homemade with limited tools.
Another thing is about my blog and writing. Everyday I read content to find something to curate and reading curated content. Sometimes these contents are not probably the best there is but them getting curated was basically a lot more other reasons. The image were probably compelling more than the story and balancing out, it was a whole. Or though the picture wasn't coming from a $5000 camera, it complements the story and sincerity of the author. While for me, I used to be afraid if the word count didn't reach a certain number or if it sounded too corny, and if anyone hated what I wrote but hey, screw that, right?
This is why I am making rules to myself that whatever is the word count, just write it out and not chase the perfection of it. Otherwise, I wouldn’t write anything and I would never really think out loud, afraid of being criticized and such. Now, I am perfectly fine with being disliked and completely fine when I receive criticism as long as it’s constructive.
All this was just a snippet on how perfection has managed to contribute in ruining my life. There’s a lot more to it but you see… this is what I believe now,
“ Chasing perfectionism leads nowhere”
𝘔𝘢𝘤 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘫𝘢 & 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘶𝘳 . 𝘈 𝘵𝘺𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦, 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘰𝘱𝘩𝘺. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨, 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘨𝘦. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴, 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸𝘴, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴, 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘥𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘱𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵. 𝘖𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘣𝘭𝘶𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺. 𝘚𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘤𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴. 𝘍𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘫𝘰𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯! 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘱𝘷𝘰𝘵𝘦, 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘈 𝘳𝘦-𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘰. |