Since many of you don't know me I thought it could be interesting to write an article about myself and who I think I am. I have this idea from the movie The breakfast club from John Hughes and now give it my own twist by also writing about who I have been and who I want to be. I am going to structure the first part chronological but the second part I will talk about the perception of who I think I am and who I want to be. Now let's start to write some facts down and see what memories I can unlock with this article. Also if you feel inspired to write your own, go for it and tag me so I wouldn'tmiss it!

In the year 1986 I was born as Norman F. in a town called Freital in the GDR. Freital is a town close to Dresden which is the capital of the state Saxony. This is the town I also grew up until I was 10 years old so I only was born in Freital until my family moved back to Freital where my parents came from. More on that later.

3 years after I was born into the late 80s a big event happened in Europe: The Fall of the Berlin Wall. With this the GDR (and later also the USSR) was cancelled and eastern Germany got reunified with the western part of the country. I can not remember this time but the consequences of this event have been remarkable up until today. More than half of the population of eastern Germany have been raised in this authoritarian country and many people still have characteristics of this time. Many companies got closed but at the same time a lot was founded or expanded from western Germany into the "new states" of Germany.

My childhood was fun and I had everything a kid in my age could have wished for. I shared a room with my brother and we had a TV in our room since I was 7 years old. My dad have been in the telecommunication industry so we had a PC and internet already in the first days of the public launch. I can't remember that we ever have used those AOL CD-Roms everyone had at home.

In the ago of 10 my parents, my 4 years older brother and I moved to Freital - the city my parents initially came from before I was born. Most of the family of my mothers side lived there like uncles, grandparents and cousins. We where living in an apartment surrounded by a quiet neighborhood on the edge of the town. We had a lot of nature near our home but also a densed high-rise buildings area close by.

My parents both worked full-time so I had plenty of time to spend after school watching TV and surfing the web. Most of the time I watched MTV, Nickelodeon and these wierd german court shows. My brother blcked the PC pretty often so I wasn't playing computer games very often.

So I started to explore my neighborhood riding the bike and just sneaking around. Then I have found a local skate park and since I already had a skateboard I quickly found friends there. (Spoiler: I never was a good skater - it was of a life style and I can't do kickflips or grinds at all.) Quickly I got interested in hiphop and punk culture, no-future and rejection of authorities. That has been the time when I started to smoke cigarettes because it was sooo cool. Later with around 13 I got also interested in alcohol and later drugs. I don't want to spend much time in this post to talk about my experiences with addictive substances other than: I got out of the addiction later in my life.

Because of my interest in punk culture I tried everything to be rebellious. So much that I got kicked out of my high school. I have not very good in school grade wise so I did not switched to another high school but a secondary school. Because of "the lower standards" and 100x times more competent teachers my grades got outstandingly better and I have been one of the best students of my class without learning at home at all. So I was able to live my rebellious life without having doubts about my future. I mean i wouldn't have cared because I was that rebellious cool skater guy.

,Oh and before I forget that:* Many of the people in my school and people I knew where and probably are still racists. I had the big luck to get to know the world via television and the internet in a young age. I think that has formed a strong tolerance inside of me I usually always showed to people. But of course you have to be careful when you are surrounded by racists. I never had any real problem, fight or whatever because of my political opinion but I was one of a few thinking that way.

After I succesfully gradutated secondary school I went on two job trainings. Lets skip the 1st one because the 2nd one was a private school focused on software engineering which brought me where I am today. My parents gladfully had enough money to pay this private school and I am very thankful that they believed in me after I did not show very much interest in getting a good job. During the training I matured and felt the need to finish this training with good grades to have a better life than many people I knew from surroundings. So I learned and did all my homework - I was one of the few who almost everytime raised their hands when teachers asked except in the hardware and network focused classes. So I became the swot I never wanted to be but it payed out at the end. After this training I had to apply to national military service which has been still a thing this time in Germany. But young men where allowed to decide for community service instead which I picked because weapons, violence and subordination have never been my thing. I decided to do service in a home for people dealing with mental disorder and I really learned a lot there even though I did not realized that back in the days. This work strengthened my tolerant beliefs and empathy a lot and I am very happy that I did this.

After 4 months of this community service I unfortunately got kicked out because of a positive drug test. So it was finally time to apply to jobs and I apied to a lot outside of Eastern Germany. I wanted to see the world, get away from all of those racists and mostly I wanted to get away from my drug relations. After 3 rejections I had a job interview in a small town near Hamburg 500km away from home. It was exciting and I felt really mature for the first time in my life. My brother borrowed me his suit and I went on a train ride to get my first job.

They accepted me and offered a two week test working at their office. I applied as a programmer since that was what I have learned in my second training but soon I recognized that my training was a bit outdated. I had no clue of programming in C# and learning it in just a couple of days was no option. So I told my boss that I am not capable of doing what they wanted me to do and guess what: They offered me a different position as 1st level support. This was my job for almost 4 years until I got to know a girl at a party.

In this time I was very invested into emo culture. I straightened my hair every morning, went to emo meetups in the city and most of the time I have been the oldest there but i didn't care. In this time I listened mostly to Fugazi but also a few screamo bands like Thrice, Thursday and others. But the good old grunge music was still my thing.

Short Stuttgart Adventure

This girl I mentioned above was a tourist in Hamburg and we fell in love. We had a 2.5 years long distant relationship until I quit my job and went to Stuttgart for her and us. Unfortunately this relationship was not mature enough and after moving together we quickly realized that we had different needs and opinions about relationships so we broke up after 1 year living together and after a long and excessive drug phase living in flat sharing I moved back to Hamburg. I do not have much more to say about this time nor photos. I am over this time and the relationship and yeah mostly never think about it anymore fortunately.

Back to Hamburg

I just wrote a quick mail to my former boss like "Hey are you searching for employees? I know someone who really want to work for you ;)" and then I moved back to this kind company where I still work up until today. In the 1 year abscense I was involved into project management so I applied as a project manager in my new/old company. I managed to proof that I have grown a lot and then travelled a lot as project manager and consultant for our own software almost every week. It was a good and energetic time but also a little of pressure on my shoulders while still being addicted to various drugs. I barely slept or ate at this time and of course also my colleques recognized that something is wrong and that I live a very unhealthy life.

In this time I got to know a girl who happens to be the love of my life. I talked with her about my history, my relationship with drugs and that I want to quit them. I always wanted to get away from drugs but I never had the right impulse to open up about it until this one special day. I had a 5-day-no-sleep period behind me and overslept a really important work appointment. I had enough of this and still being on cold-turkey I told my boss that I am a drug addict and that I want to quit it but I don't know how. This conversation got pretty emotional and fortunately my boss has experiences with addiction because of his family. He knew a lot of things and helped me to find a spot at a rehab for polytoxics. I am so thankful for the kindness, helpfulness, patience and his strong believe in me. So I went on a 6 month long rehab learning about myself, my needs and why my brain want drugs probably until the end of my life. I also learned techniques to stay away and deal with the desire. I managed to get away from drugs and I am now over 6 years sober and clean. Perhaps I write a more detailed post about all of this some day but that should be it for now.

As I mentioned I have found the love of my life and I live with her in a cozy apartment in the center of Hamburg. I work in a 9-to-5 job but since corona I am working from home and gladly my company does not force me to get back at office life. I can cuddle my cats while working and I am still way more productive than being physically in the office. I do less breaks since I can vape while working, I am never too late at work because I have no traffic jams anymore. I can cook with what I have at home and do not have the need to eat in restaurants for lunch. It is soo much more chill and I am super happy that I have the chance to work that way and in this company.

In my free time I take care for a little garden I own in a community garden 10min away from my home and I enjoy my various other hobbies like flying drones, making videos, photography, programming, writing blogs (now recnetly discovered :P), 3d printing and maaany more.

The most recent we can get in this article is: me writing this article right now. I really enjoy to write down my thoughts and share them with you. This article was a very very good idea because so I can also reflect on the past and think about my future:

Future Me

Who do I think am I?

Who do I think I want to be?

Creativity & Motivation

Putting Feelings into Words

Irrational Fears

Managing Finances

Conclusion

Peace!

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