Night had fallen an hour earlier and the thin strip of highway illuminated by the trucks headlights looked through the dirty windshield like an island surrounded by a sea of inky blackness. We were tired, hungry and had been driving for most of the day. This was to be the start of our big three day weekend road trip. Little did we know what bizarre experiences we would endure over the next few days.
"Were almost there buddy!" My friend Phil said relieved as he squinted at the blackness ahead and tried to stay on the road.
We both were beat to hell. The day had been spent off roading looking for fishing spots unsuccessfully as we made our way up the highway from los angeles to the southern sierras of central California. Tall jagged snow capped peaks that attracted everything from campers, hikers to skiers year round.
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat as my ass had gone numb hours before from the long drive. Every time I fidgited puffs of dust would bloom and fill the inside of the truck cab. There was probably more mud inside the truck at this point than outside. And the outside was caked to the point that the black truck was s solid tan colour.
"Hope we can find a motel with a room when we get into Mammoth" I said ignoring my stomach growling. I was getting cranky, and anyone who knows me knows I tend to get whats called "hangry."
"Oh they gotta Dave! It's not ski season. We'll find something!" He said optimistically slapping me on the shoulder. Another puff of dust billowed up and hung in the air.
We had set off with no destination in mind when we started this road trip. Just knew that we wanted to go fishing and that we wanted to explore the sierras to find our perfect fishing hole. We figured any one of those small road side towns would surely have a motel with a room. Of course being idiots we didnt account for the fact it was a public holiday and the start of a three day weekend.
Up ahead the lights of the village of Mammoth, a place know as the choice Californian ski resort during the winter, appeared on the horizon.
Thank god I thought. Food and a bed.
Turns out our luck wasnt so good. Half the motels were shut down for the spring or were already at capacity. We went from one to the next hopeful only to walk away disappointed. After an hour of searching we found a run down shabby looking motel at the edge of town. Our last hope.
The motel had an underground parking lot that we pulled into and found a spot big enough to park our truck near the back corner of the garage. Family vans and SUVs made up most of the cars there and the lot was pretty full. It looked like this motel was probably booked up too. But we got out of the car and made our way to the door at the other side of the lot that lead to the reception and offices.
"Whoah!!" I shouted and threw my arm out to stop my friend. We were about halfway through the lot and stopped dead in our tracks. My friend saw it too almost as soon as I did. There about twenty feet in front of us a 200 pound black bear had just darted across in front of us from one car to another.
"Holy shit!" Phil said. "There's a bear here with us."
I just looked on wide eyed. Neither of us were quite sure what to do as the bear was between us and the only exit.
Most black bears are skittish of humans and will fuck off if they see you. But some get habituated and dont give a rats ass about people being nearby. Especially when food is around.
The bear stood on its hind legs near a family SUV, sniffed the air for a moment and then with its two massive paws started rocking the car back and forth. We stood there frozen.
At one point the bear paused and looked at us and growled or groaned. Made whatever sounds annoyed bears make. His expression was like "hey dickheads, I know theres food in this thing. You're human. You know how these things work. Come on! Help me get it out."
We just slowly backed up against the far wall and crept behind the row of cars and made our way to the door. At one point the bear stopped, got on all fours and turned towards us. Great, just fucking great I thought. He gave us a contemptible look that said "fine you assholes dont help me get the food. No, no. Its alright ill get it myself you wankers" and stood back up and started pounding on the side of the car with even more vigour. We used that moment while it was distracted to slip through the door and out of the parking garage.
Laughing relieved to have survived the bear encounter we turned the corner into the motel front desk area and were stopped in our tracks again. This time by pure beauty.
Sitting behind the counter ahead of us was the hottest woman we had ever seen. She was wearing a pretty blue dress, hoop earlings and completely dolled up in make up. She looked exactly like Sofia Vergara. Not exactly what we were expecting to to run into at nearly ten at night in a backwater town. She looked like she had just walked off the set of a hollywood blockbuster movie.
She looked up from whatever it was she was doing and smiled. We smiled like a pair of stooges back mesmerized.
"We uh ...would like a room? " My friend said awkwardly to her.
"Oh. Ok we have one left. Its in the middle of a remodel, so I'll give you a discount." She said in a thick latin accent, that must have been Colombian or something, as she started clicking away at the computer.
My friend and I looked at each other nodding and grinning. Elbowing each other in the side approvingly like a bunch of school boy idiots. We couldnt believe how hot this woman was. And exotic too. We had forgotten about the bear altogether at this point. She was way too distracting. We spent the next few moments oggling her low cut dress and generous cleavage.
Wham the back office door slammed open behind her. A rotund, disheveled looking hillbilly emerged from the office. He wiped his dirty hands on his food stained white tank top, and glared at us before scratching his gut and turning his attention to the receptionist. Our lovely latin goddess.
" Maria! The damned bear is back!" He growled at her, scratched his ass for a bit then silently went back into his office. Apparently the hairy fat bastard was the motel manager.
Maria stiffened, slammed her hands on the keyboard, rolled her eyes in irritation and stood up.
Daaaaaaaaamn!
The two of us reacted, shocked, jaws hanging open. Maria was 7 months pregnant. She shouldn't even be at work let alone out of the house she was so far along. We just looked at each other incredulously. Not knowing what to say.
Sighing, Maria grabbed a pair of thick wooden sticks next to her and waddled towards the garage. "Excuse me." She said pissed off in her heavy sccent and disappeared around the corner.
Phil and I just stood there in silence. Not knowing what to make of the situation. Just genuinely shocked. What the hell were we witnessing here.
"Get! Get way!" CLACK! CLACK! CLACK! Maria's shouts echoed from somewhere in the garage.
GNAAAAR!!! The bear growled back.
CLACK! CLACK! CLACK! "Get away!"
WHARRRRRGG. The bear protested some more.
CLACK! CLACK! CLACK!
"WTF!!!" I murmured.
"Dude..." My friend whispered back. We were both still speechless as we listened to the battle going on in the garage.
And then there was silence again. Moments went by until we heard the clicks of Maria's high heeled boots as she made her way back towards the reception area.
She waddled back behind the counter and plopped back down into her seat, tossing the sticks onto the desks corner.
"Ok, a room for two..." she said completing the check in proceedure and then slapped the room key onto the counter. "Room 215. It's upstairs."
We just nodded dumbly, took the key and made our way up the stairs. I glanced back at Maria. She didn't even look up at us and was back to reading her magazine.
And this is the story of beauty and the bear. In the next post ill tell you guys what happened with the rest of the weekend. It includes thieving raccoons, sasquatch, floods, lightning strikes, explosions and a multi country wide power outage.
Hope you enjoyed the read. I shared this story at the encouragement of fellow Hive member 
This is the first in a series of posts I call the Chronicles of Dave. Upcoming stories will involve a buck naked cop running down the streets of Hollywood chasing two cackling prostitutes waving around his stolen clothes and and service pistol.
Ufos
And drunken mayhem
Till next time
-hidave
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