Past few days wasn't an easy one for me (us) at home. My youngest had his bouts of internal pain again (not going to elaborate anymore but yeah, it was post-surgery complications which would be there unless miracle happens) and that meant our household schedule would revolve around his needs. When he was down with this sort of pain, which was abdominal pain, somewhere inside either intestines or stomach or something else, he could not walk, drink nor eat, which means I would stay by his side most of the time to attend to his needs. He would ask to be carried and walked around the house, or to shift him from room to living hall so that he could hear other people's voices besides mine, or brought him to washroom, etc. AND, in between, we would be tube-feeding him hourly (water and food). I prepared his blended meals when everyone was asleep.
Here's the thing
I used to feel extremely frustrated during this moment. I felt stucked and could not do other stuff besides being present with him. He also preferred be to give him the attention instead of me focusing on phones, well, my 100% presence and attention were a comfort to ease his pain. So I used to feel extremely agitated not being able to anything else like blogging, reading my books, housechores, etc.
But not anymore!
It was a day, last year, while Jansen was in this same pain, I needed to attend to urgent friend's needs. My friend was sick at that time and needed someone to talk to in messages. I explained to Jansen and he being understanding and kind, complied and said he would wait for me. Jansen knew my friend personally and he called her aunty. So off I went to type my messages to my friend. One hour later, I saw Jansen covered himself with bolster, and I thought I heard wrongly but I heard a soft sob. I lifted up the bolster and saw streams of tears running down his cheek. He asked me, "You are done? How was aunty?" I told him aunty was going to be alright although not sure whether she could bear the pain in her head. He then told me, "I was waiting for you and really miss you, and I wad trying to bear the pain too without you mummy. I tried my best."
My heart ached
Suddenly, my heart ached. He was only 6 years old and he tried to bear the pain while being understanding to let me be a companion to my friend for awhile. What a beautiful soul he was. I cupped his face and I told him,"You are really my sunshine. And I would love to sit here and look at you and love you and be with you all the time". I no longer see it as 'feel stucked' there. I see it as my precious moments spending quality time with Jansen, without distraction, log out Instagram and Facebook, put aside my phone. Without distraction, I realised how wonderful and strong this little boy was. With pain, he still chit chat, asked this and that. He definitely loves life.
Quality Time versus Quantity Time
Often, as a busy parent, we fill up our schedule to do this and that, trying to cancel off the long list of 'to-dos', without knowing that sometimes our presence there with our children is an absence to them. Few times, my boys asked me to play board game with them or listen to their stories, I was half-hearted and minds wandered off. At the end of their stories, I could make an exclamation "Wow, interesting stories" without knowing 80% of the content. Children just need some moments of quality time with them. I notice they grow up fast, and I vow to myself that when I am going to spend time with them, I will do nothing and achieve only one thing — to be there with them (quality), rather than be there with them and achieve alot of other tasks like checking messages, checking mails, watching YouTube (quantity). I choose quality time and not quantity time, if you get what I mean.
Jansen is back to normal today
And he is back to happy self, able to eat and drink, run here and there. Being cheeky is his number 1 fun all the time. Here are some photos because I find the boys are too sunshines that no gloomy or moody can exist.
So, we have a lot to catch up these few days, on homeschool, piles of clothes had not folded all jammed on sofa, some house cleaning like wipe off the dust from furniture etc.
How are you? Hope you are fine, and remember to have some quality time with loved ones or yourself.
