I don't care too much for peer pressure. So often it puts a person's integrity on the line. Nor do I care for Groupthink. I'd rather depart from that ensemble and go it alone. It's better than justifying a lie when I know deep down something is wrong.
Integrity goes so much deeper than even all this. These are the basics. Keeping our word in real life circumstances isn't always possible. Especially for anyone who takes on responsibilities that are larger than themselves.
For several years now, my wife and I have been driving home this message to our eldest son, Devin. I think he's finally beginning to understand.
It's Not The Failure That Disrupts Integrity
Our kids are back in school and it's been homeschool so far. We're grateful that our youngest goes back to physical school grounds next week.
It occured to me yesterday that school hasn't really started until Devin falls behind on his assignments. Try as I might to keep up with all his work, all it takes is a couple days off my guard to lose track.
Another life lesson we're trying to teach him is to be a better manager of his time. Devin will spend three hours on one subject, leaving homework from his other classes unfinished.
While he is showing improvement in time management, it leads to the position he's in now. Behind on several assignments in more than a couple classes. Here's where we've been trying to teach him that his incompletions do put him out of integrity.
He has a contract with his teachers to do the best he can and get the work turned in. But here's where it could go either way. He's learning to be less hard on himself so that he can restore that integrity.
Communication, Action, & Follow Through
Devin caught up on one missing PE assignment today, then sent a personalized email to his teachers. From the sound of it, he got a bit dramatic saying it'll never happen again.
I was proud of him because communication is a big part of restoring his integrity. Teachers don't have to worry anymore that he's oblivious or something else is keeping him from his work. He let them know where he stood and that he was working hard to get caught up.
Instead of being dramatic, I explained, it's often more effective to be direct and then take action. What really shows integrity is the follow through after the communication. Not that his dramatics are all bad (he gets it from his dad). It's just better if he doesn't set unrealistic self expectations.
Leading By Example
It's all talk from the parent unless they also walk the walk. This is the hardest part. I sometimes struggle with communication and loss of integrity as we all do.
This is where the saying that kids make parents grow comes from. If we expect our kids to have integrity without parental examples, were as delusional as we are out of integrity.
Here's the lesson that hits for me. We shouldn't hold ourselves to a perfect example of integrity. That's not what we're teaching our kids. They need to see us fail sometimes, then watch us take the actions to restore our own integrity.
If anyone wants to remind me to come back and read this in a month or two, I'm sure I'll appreciate the good advice.
Thanks for reading and as always...
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