These days I have had two disagreements with one of my children, who still lives with us, the reasons are irrelevant at first glance and it reminds me of a saying that says, little children, little problems, big children, big problems. He will be 25 years old in two months, but sometimes he acts thoughtlessly forgetting his place on the family chain.
A few decades ago there was a lot of talk about emotional intelligence (EI), a whole boom ... that impacted psychological praxis and even in large corporations. Without a doubt, the greatest popularizer of this construct was Daniel Goleman with his Bestseller in 1995. Somewhere at the beginning of the book he talks about Aristotle's challenge to achieve self-control, he says something like this:
Anyone can become angry, that is very simple. But getting angry with the right person, in the right degree, at the right time, with the right purpose and in the right way, that certainly is not so easy.
As I would like to be in Aristotle's sandals when I have disagreements with my son, as he well explains, it is not so simple. In the past, anger should come to me and I exploded, now with more years, the thoughts overwhelm me, and the reaction is lethargic with the danger of falling into inaction. The distinguished philosopher poses the challenge, but not how to overcome it, modern psychology establishes an approach to pose the problem, excellent to describe and explain the process in a general way, but without guarantee of success in the application of measures to lead the solutions, in this sense, only take a few steps ahead of the line drawn by the Hellenic sage.
The first thing a good doctor would do is diagnose the disease based on the symptoms and then prescribe the appropriate medication or carry out an intervention if it is urgent. In the case of human relationships, it is not much different. Many of the dysfunctions and diseases that we suffer have their origins in an inadequate diet and bad habits acquired, therefore, it helps a lot correcting and suppress what damages us.
As a father I know that I am reaping what I have sown at some point by action or omission, complaining is useless, you have to heal and continue life with hope. An ideal model for how to heal emotional wounds I found in the humble attitude of the biblical prophet Moses who made him meek, but firm in acting and tolerant with a rebellious people.
So, I have to work first on myself, focusing on banishing pride and ego, the sources of anger, and then on the relationship with others, centered from love, the source of good. The road is not easy, as Aristotle well stated, but it is worth it.
I hope it is not too late to amend the path with my son, if you also go through a similar situation, as I also hope my reflections will be useful to you, although without guarantee of success it is just another door, you will have to take the steps yourself.
