"Is it okay to come out?"
Source: Pixabay
Hello friends! It is January 1, 2021 and I feel like a squirrel emerging from a long hibernation. How about you?
The events of 2020 just about sank me, for a variety of reasons. I honestly fared pretty well, overall. But the distancing from family and friends, the political scene, the fear and trepidation about how bad the pandemic was going to get (and so on and so forth!) all served to just make me slow down, turn inward, and feel unmotivated and emotionally drained. I have only been puttering on Hive for many months now, not really contributing or supporting others like I should.
But the time feels right to get it in gear again! So I'm launching an effort I call "Back to the Hive." Feel free to join me, and use the #backtothehive tag. The idea is to ratchet up posting, curating and engagement. I think we could all use some energy and excitement, and a renewed sense of purpose.
With that said, the next portion of this post is a Letter to Myself in 2019. This is a really neat initiative, which I think was originated by 
With that, I tag 
Letter to Myself in 2019
Source: Pixabay
Dear me,
Brace yourself. 2020 is going to be a bitch on steroids. That virus you’ve just started hearing about that started in Wuhan China will knock absolutely everything off its axis, worldwide. Just so you know - you'll get through it, but it's going to be rough freakin' year.
You will start the year hopeful that the virus can be contained, then feel completely dismayed when your president won’t take it seriously or plan any strategies for combating it, and then feel progressively depressed about politics, the pandemic, the death of George Floyd just a few miles from your home, the riots and the pervasive language of hate across the racial, social and political landscapes.
On top of all that, you will experience the most intense family struggles you have ever endured. Ultimately, you will all but withdraw from social media - cocooning in work, home life and fiction writing in an attempt to ride out the storm.
But you won’t ever truly despair, because you believe in your heart that by the end of the year there will be glimmers of hope and change and renewal. And you will be right.
Here’s how the year will go down.
The Winter
Hanging out with friends at a winter festival
Every day you go to the office gossiping with work buddies about what’s happening in Wuhan and wondering if it will come to the U.S. You plan a spectacular get-away to the tropics in the early spring, when the kids take spring break.
The plan is for your son to enter the military shortly after returning from vacation. He is excited, but you are on edge - hopeful that it’s a great experience for him, but fearing that he will complete training and be deployed to a war zone.
The Spring
My kids on the beach in the Dominican Republic
It never crosses your mind until you are heading to the airport with friends to go to the Dominican Republic for a week in early March that the virus is becoming so prevalent that you may not be able to return. But you go. Of course you go. Everyone is so excited.
On the plane you realize you are sick. Very sick. Not Covid sick (as far as you know), but sick with some kind of flu that makes you need a lot of naps on the beach, gives you a horrid racking cough, and makes you lose your voice completely. Thankfully, no one else in the group gets sick.
You eat amazing seafood every day. You play in the pool, drink a lot of fun cocktails and enjoy the trip in spite of being so sick. You lose your sunglasses in the surf - officially experiencing a “first world problem” in a third world country.
When you return from the trip, two momentous things happen. You learn immediately that your office has shut down due to Covid-19 and you will need to work from home for “a while.” And your son’s military training will be postponed from late March until August due to the pandemic.
And then in May, George Floyd is killed in downtown Minneapolis and the world erupts in fury. There are both riots and peaceful demonstrations everywhere. Your daughter who lives in Minneapolis comes home for a few weeks during the worst of it, struggling equally with her fear of the city and her fear of bringing the virus to us, since one of her roommates is a health worker assigned to a Covid ward. Life is surreal.
The Summer
Walking on one of my favorite trails in high summer
Covid-19 goes on and on - long past when everyone thought things would return to normal. The numbers of infections go from terribly concerning to exponential. There is an ongoing fight between citizens and governments about what safety measures are appropriate, both for the health and safety of the people and the survival of businesses and the economy. Meanwhile, U.S. politics get very ugly due to the upcoming U.S. elections.
You walk and walk and walk, listening to books and trying to be okay. You think about writing long, reflective posts about life and the world, and then you can’t seem to do it. Instead, you write short stories that take you to various places and times in history and the world. And each night you write one short post about your activity of the day. It is one small, steady thing. It is all you can do.
In early August your son finally leaves for Fort Benning Georgia for military training. And then a phase of truly unconscionable psychological turmoil begins.
He immediately gets diagnosed with COVID-19 and is sent to a quarantine facility where he becomes anxious and depressed. Conditions are terrible. Some of the recruits commit suicide. After two agonizing weeks, he is returned to duty, only to be put in some kind of weird status that is not at all what he signed up for. You only get to talk to him for five minutes a week. He talks of being forced to sit on a concrete floor for many hours a day in silence. His books are taken away and he's not allowed any reading material or his phone. He talks of bullying, anxiety and despair. He describes waking in the night to find that other guys in his troop have put a pillow over his face while he's sleeping. Unable to breathe. Certain he's going to die.
There are more suicides. And guys losing their minds and being sent to a mental health facility. He never sees them again. He develops knee injuries, but the military won’t do the due diligence to determine the cause. When he tries to get help, they call him a liar.
Because of his status, you can’t send him any mail. You can send nothing from home. Nothing to pick up his spirits. He gets COVID-19 again, this time with all the symptoms. And he becomes so depressed you truly fear for his life. You launch a campaign to get him out of there. You write to senators and other government officials. You contact the military through email, phone and Facebook. You document every horrible twist and turn as he has describes them, and send it all to the lead general at the base. And you wait. And you wait. And you cry every single day.
The Fall
An autumn picture I took on a fall get-away
Covid-19 goes on and on. The ugly politics continue. The U.S. election happens. Biden wins. The president refuses to accept the outcome and many awful things unfold as a result - including relief checks to businesses and the underprivileged being caught up in the horrible political turmoil and the president’s vindictiveness.
Your son spends more than 100 days in the military, going from illness to injury to extreme stress, and is finally discharged and sent home the day before Thanksgiving. You manage to pull off a surprise for his sisters, with him coming through the door and being jumped on by them and by the family dog, all caught on video.
It is like being freed from a dark prison. It feels like your family can begin to heal at last.
The Holidays and End of the Year
Source: Pixabay
You enter the holidays with a feeling of hope. There is talk of vaccines and then by year's end they will actually begin administering them. The holidays are bittersweet; no get-togethers with extended family or friends, but your kids are all home, healthy and safe. It feels like a miracle.
And the end of the year comes. 2020 is a blur of badness and angst, and you just want to move on. You want to return to some kind of normal. You start thinking again of how to emerge from the weird hibernation you have escaped into. You choose to shake off the past, to embrace the future, and to start writing blog posts again. A new beginning. A fresh start!
The end!
Well, thank you for reading. And thank you to all of my friends and followers for your patience with me as I find my center again. I feel stronger for having gone through 2020. How about you? I know things will get better. Maybe not right away, but eventually. And we have to keep the faith.
For now, I plan to give myself a kick in the rear and get going again - both in life, and in my blogging and community efforts here. #BackToTheHive!
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