Blank Page. (No, this is not the beginning of a new chapter in my life; this is the beginning of a new book!)

I never thought I would sit at a crossroad at the age of 40 – but here I stand… or was it sit?! Whatever – this is where I am at. Do not misunderstand this statement… I am actually really grateful for where I currently “find myself”, because it is everything I have wished for… in fact, for years - but much like holding a brand new and blank journal in your hands… I have not yet decided what to fill the pages with. Filled with a thousand inspirations, yes – but haste is not an action I wish to practice this time around.

“Life is like coffee, the darker it gets, the more it energizes.”― Ankita Singhal

For as far back as I can remember, everything I ever TRULY wanted – with every fibre of my being – has come to be in some shape or form. As I got older, I began familiarising myself with the power of the mind. I read many books on the subject and suddenly it all began to make sense to me. Every desire in my life that was emotionally and energetically charged with focused intent – mostly unintentionally, came about. Whatever it was – I always got it. It didn’t matter how desperate the situation often was… it has always unfolded in my favour and I have forever been in awe of this.

Some may view this as spiritual intervention and perhaps they are right. I may not be a particularly religious individual but I do believe in a higher power and most certainly do live from my heart… perhaps I really am a good soul and that is why it all works… or perhaps it is simply my perspective on it, because many of the situations and/or circumstance I have found myself in over the years have been far less than what most would consider ideal. Perhaps it is a combination of both my ability to seek the positive in the worst of scenarios combined with divine intervention and a sprinkling of energetic involvement. Your guess is as good as mine.

I am a fairly reflective individual. I ponder the moments of life and attempt to see them from the “greater perspective”. .. You know, where is this leading? What can I learn or take from this? – All that “stuff”. So, I suppose what I am saying is that I pay attention. I am extremely aware of how life recently “cleared my calendar”, despite how impossible I considered that endeavour.

At my very first “career” interview, I was asked by my “boss to be” where I saw myself in five years. My answer to him was “in your chair”. I guess he must have had a good sense of humour and an appreciation for passion, because he still employed me… and when I left his company, which was my last place of employ in 2000 – he asked me how much I intended to earn from what I was going to be doing… after telling him, he joked “well, we can no longer afford you”. I never did sit in his chair – but I did become a very publically loved competitor of his and I grew enormously through that 16 year period.

“A free spirit is not bound by this, that, matter, materialism or opinion. They sing, dance and flow on the wind - for they are at one with it. They are nothing and everything - void and expanse. Even space and time does not confine or define them. For they are pure energy itself.” ― Rasheed Ogunlaru

Every SINGLE skill set I have acquired along the way of my life has played a role in my “next step forward”, so I am sitting here now feeling the excitement for something new – but the lightbulb has yet to light up.

Most of you already know about the business closing chapter of my life. It was a hard one, but the fact is… when a passion turns into a demon that is robbing you of pretty much anything that resembles quality of life… the time has come to reassess. That card flipped in the hand of another, and suddenly it was all over. In the blink of an eye, I was turning over a new leaf.

It has been three years now… give or take and once again have an open door with nothing but white light shining toward me. I wanted this freedom. I joked many times about “having less, but having more freedom” and now I have it.

“Life, as I see it, wraps around us, even when we think we are firmly embracing it.”― Fennel Hudson

Shortly before my mom passed, we spent quite a bit of time discussing my ideas and inspirations. Her words to me were “sweetie, when it is right – you will know it and then, you will pursue it”. As always, life interrupted – everything went on pause and I lost the plot. As I sit here now, I know that I am close. I have NO idea what it is… but I know it is right on the tip of my tongue – and I also know that it has something to do with my mom… whatever it is.

Now I know why it was put on pause. Yet again, life has shown me it’s perfectly effortless unfolding. I knew that “this time” would be the start of my most important chapter and it made sure that nothing was rushed. I can be much like a bull in a china shop and I know that sometimes I need to simply take a breath. In this particular instance that breath was pivotal.

So, here I stand, hands in the air – waiting to feel it, like a wave – except this time, it’s not my back facing the ocean.

“Embrace who you are and your divine purpose. Identify the barriers in your life, and develop discipline, courage and the strength to permanently move beyond them, and keep moving forward.” ― Germany Kent