Meandering through Monday... 6th July 2020

Prior to lockdown we had a domestic three days a week - Monday, Wednesday and Friday but that very quickly became a thing of the past once pretty much every single industry was put on hold. In the beginning I really missed the convenience of having someone to clean up after us so regularly (spoilt yes!) - but as with anything in life, you adapt! Mondays are now my "top to bottom" cleaning days... dust, polish, mop, bathrooms, bedding, yard cleaning - EVERYTHING. Whilst I don't particularly enjoy the tasks themselves - I really DO enjoy the satisfaction of a pristine house afterward... and then it is just a matter of staying on top of it for the week, which my OCD takes care of just perfectly, lol.

I manage to get it all done quite swiftly these days and am left with a relative amount of time in the afternoon. Staring me in the face today were five really overripe bananas... so I got those into the oven in the form of some banana bread. I would normally make this in a traditional loaf tin, but there were enough bananas to double things up... so essentially that is a "two in one" lol.

Shortly before my mom passed, we had to go and clear out her studio which still had plenty of her personal belongings. I don't think ANY of us felt right doing this, but it needed to be done... for rather interesting reasons actually. The landlord of the property - which essentially has three properties in one... has a few "recreational problems" - lets just leave it at that... so we were all quite concerned about the length of time that my moms things had already been left there unattended whilst she was in and out of hospital etc.

I was in an almost "rushed state" of denial as we packed and cleared, so was almost not wanting to acknowledge that we were busy "homing" my moms things before she was even gone. It felt wrong on so many levels, but the thought of a bunch of addicts getting their hands on my moms things made my blood boil! I was very grateful to have the presence of one of my brothers in that instance, as there were certain incredibly sentimental things that I was ready dismiss, he made me stop and see sense in the value that would hold to me once mom was gone.

So, we have all taken the various things to our respective houses and done our best to "home" it all. It is something I have been ignoring really... but today I decided to get stuck in. One of the things my brother actually stopped me from leaving behind was my moms easel and palette. "Every piece of art mom created started with these two things Jayne" he told me... and am I ever grateful he uttered those words... because the easel now stands in my lounge, not with a painting on it, but rather her palette.

Another facet in our home which has needed attention and definitely needs a "revamp" is the room my occupied in her last days. It was not a pleasant time for any of us here to witness here in such a state and for obvious reasons, that room holds a sort of stigma now... so I sat and made plans for the revamp. One of the things my mom loved to paint, was sheep... so we are going to give the room a full re-paint, add a feature wall in a light warm grey and then add the beautiful sheep canvasses I have on the one wall and then on the other, we have an old sash window, which was converted into a chalk board which hung in my moms studio. It only has two things written on it... my phone number (got to love old folk lol) and a quote "think from the end".

We have a few more of her paintings which we have decided to make a "collage" with in our lounge... pretty much like my brother did at his place for her memorial...

My sister in law organised the most beautiful flowers for my moms memorial last week Saturday and we all shared the flowers among the ladies afterward...

so that was another thing I did today. After a week, the arrangement was starting to look a withered, so I took all the stems out, gave them a fresh cut, cleaned the vase and made a new arrangement and also put the rose petals one side to dry. I will find a special place for them in her "new room" and add some rose geranium oil to them, as this was my moms absolute favourite essential oil.

Although a busy day - it was a very contemplative one... not easy, but a process that needs to happen. A part of the healing I suppose. In many ways it is all still very surreal. The memories of what transpired are still very close to home and being in "that room" can be quite overwhelming at moments.

Like that teddy for instance... "ELiza" - yes she has a name. A part of a very expensive collectors range, I bought her for my mom Elizabeth at one of my very first places of employment. My mom skept with Eliza every SINGLE night since then. She traveled EVERYWHERE with her... even to the hospice in her last two weeks with us. She is VERY special to me and little Jude. Jude has always been a lover of his plush toys and still sleeps with "teddy" to this day (who was bought for him by granny)... and since granny had to leave us, there have been nights where he has slept with both Eliza and Teddy.

It was a good Monday! Small steps of progress, but steps at least. Tomorrow, Jude begins his new educational adventure with online learning... so that should prove fun! It is butter chicken curry on the go for dinner tonight but first... time for some wine! Cheers to you all! Hope you all have an incredible week ahead! Feels good to be "back"... if you will still have me lol ;)