What's buzzin Hive Fam!
I have been sitting here procrastinating posting the rest of my Jasper trip (maybe...maybe not...) I wasn't sure why, I have been tired, drained of energy. As an empath, I have learned not to question things too much and I don't believe in coincidences, just trust the universe will reveal it's intentions in due time. As I sat here, wanting not wanting to write all at the same time, part of me couldn't as my mind was preoccupied with what is probably unanswerable questions...join the club right! It's undeniable 2020 has been rough on most of us in one way or another, if it hasn't well you are one of the fortunate ones and hats off to you.
For the most part, I have been minimally interacting on any of my social media because everything has been so hateful and divided, so much politics, virtue signaling and social warriors...we don't need to get into arguments over it but it has taken it's toll on many. I'm the kind of person that likes to observe social trends and interactions, triggers and anything social related even tho I'm not a very social person myself. I have my reasons for being a weirdo but it's quite useful at learning to observe ourselves in a third person perspective. To be honest, I don't even do it purposely sometimes, it just happens naturally like breathing. Maybe that's the joy of being like a dinosaur and not owning a smart phone, I can't avoid society or awkward situations by burying myself into my device...Save tones of money tho, came in handy to pay rent when all our jobs came to a halt!
What goals have I accomplished this year? NONE at all, well no major life changes anyway. Financially, I'm not in a mess nor am I sitting pretty but I'm holding on stronger that what the economy looks like it's going with all this global over-printing. I guess now BRRR isn't just a term us Canucks use in the winter anymore. In case you pay attention to economics and haven't seen the video below yet, you're welcome. (published by the ReasonTV youtube channel):
With that being said, my normal self would be freaking out right about now but years of reading Tibetan Buddhism wisdom has clearly paid off as I just allowed myself to drift along a frustrating situation I had no control over after another without a break for quite a few years now, I prepared as much as one could not really knowing what to prepare for. I never knew why I was into that stuff, it's just what my instincts brought me to and just in time for 2020 to put the knowledge to the test to see if I truly learned anything from it and can execute but to be realistic it's an obsession that stems from childhood, always wanting to know the unexplainable. I'm not here to shove religious anything into anyone's faces but one thing it did teach me is to learn to look at myself or situation from a third person point of view before I judge a situation or act or anything at all for that matter...In a creepy sort of way I analyze myself like I analyze the rest of society so no need to get too self conscious, it's for learning and growing only, not for judging.
This fall, I noticed a strange behavioral pattern shift out of nowhere besides the lethargy and had been thinking about why but couldn't put my finger on it. I somehow went from watching gory everyone is getting murdered, gutted in a good medieval sword fight or blown up by drug dealers on tv to serial watching the Hallmark Christmas movie channel collection from A to Z...What in the actual 🙀!?! Am I catching the feels or something? 🤢🤮
Help, I think my iced heart is melting without my ice throne this year. aghrghhh!
Today I had a eureka moment and finally figured it out, I was just sick of all the political bs, covid, societal division, just anything 2020 and it is the only mainstream tv left that has no virtue signaling or political stance that focused on bringing people together rather then divide us into little boxes according to our flaws or individual, political beliefs, genders, skin color or whatever else and tearing each other apart over toilet paper and cans of beans because the news said...and no one is wearing a mask or screaming pandemic with inflated numbers floating around the tv screen! The good ol days! Most of you are probably thinking get the heck outside right about now but may I remind you I live North-Pole adjacent...BRR (sorry that wasn't the printing press😂)...I'll stick to overthinking and the thin plotlines of Hallmark movies as redundant as they get.
It did bring to my attention that many of them are Canadian made and filmed in our very own Rockies if you pay close attention to detail, if anyone ever ask I'll claim I was supporting local talent during this difficult time and it had mountains...maybe that (not so)clever line can salvage my dignity ever so slightly...I need every shred I can gather after making this revelation public on the blockchain 😂 OOps give me a minute while I stuff my skeletons back in the closet. 2020 was the mirror year. The year where we had too look at ourselves in the mirror both individually and as a society. Was it scary? Is it the "establishment" that needs to change or is it ourselves? Maybe if we change our selves we can change the establishment together? We create our world, our reality. Where did we lose touch if we don't like what we have seen this year?
Seriously tho, even thin sappy plotlines can have a certain depth to it if you really try to be interested. The re-occurring theme towards the end of the movies, someone does something, someone gets hurt feelings and it turns out it was a big ol misunderstanding because nobody communicated properly on either side or hard decisions were made for whatever reason and the why was never asked. Rather predictable indeed but lets take a look around us for a moment...perhaps that's what led to 2020? I think it's safe to say that even the most kind hearted is probably guilty of this at one point in their lives.
With all our connectivity, we somehow got disconnected, focused on self gratification or how someone made us feel poorly assuming other's intentions or just got caught up in the daily hustle trying not to drown in a dog eat dog world unfit for our souls, lacking wholesome creativity, slowly being replaced by the artificial...Slowly disconnecting us from ourselves one pixel at a time. We have become so focused on our own challenges and internal dilemmas, guilt or direction, distracted by shallow things that probably shouldn't, we forgot to check on one another. In a world where everyone screams mental health is important come forward and talk to someone, don't suffer alone...bla bla bla the plethora of slogans are about as original has the Hallmark channel. Sounds kind in theory but they are just empty words unless they are put in practice. Will you see the signs? Will you listen? Or will you be the one that says I wish I had seen the signs after it's too late when they were semi-obvious all along.
Mental illness both long term biological or triggered short term by an event becomes overwhelming, like digging and endless hole trying to get out only to notice you're getting deeper and throwing the dirt all the way to the top is getting tougher and tougher but somehow having hope you might come out on the other side if you keep going knowing deep down it's probably the wrong thing to do but too far deep to be able to climb out alone, not knowing what else to do so digging is still better than doing nothing right!?! Like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel but unsure if it's the sunshine or if you are staring at the headlight of an oncoming train.
When we become prisoners of our own unwell mind, self blame, guilt and become overcritical of ourselves, we develop a toxic thought pattern against our being and attack our precious self worth that will blind most from seeing the solutions or steps that one would normally see under normal circumstances. Being able to take a step back and observe ourselves impartially can bring these toxic patterns to our attention to explore and heal from our situation in a more objective way realizing the door to our cell was never locked to begin with, all we had to do was open the door and move on to tackle the next challenge in a healthy way. Most of us have been here at some point or another even if just for a short while.
For those suffering, it can be hard to reach out, thinking everyone is judging you as harshly as you judge yourself. Social stigma especially around men that it's weak to be vulnerable and talk about your struggles and heavily reflected in suicide statistics. Let me remind you, it's not. It takes a lot of courage to face your demons head on, cry it out and reach out to someone if you need to, it's hard to trust sometimes but just go with your gut and don't be afraid to take chances. More people care than you think, sometimes even strangers, sometimes in the unlikeliest of places.
If someone reaches out to you, remember it could have taken a lot of courage to speak up before you dismiss or judge. I don't believe in coincidences, only synchronicities, we walk into each other's lives right when we are supposed to even as strangers crossing each other in the street or an unpleasant experience. Sometimes we meet at the wrong time so when the time comes we instinctually know where to go without knowing or questioning why. Call me superstitious if you want but I believe in Guardian Angels in the background and they work thru each of us if we let them guide us.
I think we will all have trust issues after 2020! The same boiling water that hardens the egg softens the potato. Don't let life's disappointments darken your heart. Be open, be receptive, acknowledge you are probably going to get hurt or taken advantage of 90% of the time but the times you don't will be all worth it with relationships that might blow your mind, learning to trust your own intuition is helpful in avoiding the "wrong people". Learn not to take things personally, not in a toughen up kind of way but keeping in mind how we treat others is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. In other words those who are unkind are generally hurting in some way and NEEDS to be shown kindness the most.
Prince Kit-Ten, once a neighborhood feral several years ago turned spoiled house pet, with love patience and kindness, he's now less of a wild cat, we can now pet him without getting bit every time!! Seriously tho, he has become mostly cuddly despite the initial instincts to bite. This spring with the lockdown, he was accused of not social distancing by some anonymous neighbors and refused to stay in the fenced backyard so drastic measures were taken...or attempts would be more appropriate. We tried putting him in a harness to please the neighbors. He was like...Nah. hah...this is embarrassing ... Jusss let me in right MEOW! Not the best or most flattering pictures taken at 6 am but the look on his face in the harness is too funny. Prince Min-Min the Chonk, we feel ya buddy, we don't exactly get off on looking stupid trying to walk a limp cat sulking on the sidewalk before a cup of coffee either bruh...It's 2020, it sucks, it's easier if you just roll with the disappointment .
It doesn't justify bad actions or poor decisions nor should it be allowed consistently but something to keep in mind next time something as simple as someone ruins your day cutting in line or being rude for no reason before letting anger or irritation consume you and transferring it to the next unsuspecting person or when facing serious challenges in our lives and recognizing how our actions impact those around us. That is where Buddhist values come in handy during this pandemic vs mental health crisis we find ourselves in, learning to find inner peace when surrounded by chaos. It doesn't mean look at life thru rose colored glasses in some unrealistic daydream but not every shitty situation has to affect you, it only does if you chose to let it and some hills are just not worth dying on.
Meditating in your quiet living room with your fancy crystals and signing bowls is easy peasy but how about in a pinch when everyone is fighting over toilet paper and Lysol wipes? (I swear this will never get old) When centering matters the most? If it's not going to matter in a year, then deep breath, don't sweat it. Before acting, think is it going to lead anywhere productive? If that's a no, don't do it. Sometimes it's better to be silent than to be right, pick your battles and perhaps society as a whole has forgotten that. Sometimes when we become silent, we can hear what we couldn't in the noise. Sometimes it's best to walk away even if it's from those we love who refuse to respect healthy boundaries or see the damage they cause by not healing or respecting their own soul and inner peace.
For 2021, learn to treat yourself like you would treat your sister or brother, mother, father, bff, significant other, perhaps you will learn to be kinder and more tolerant of yourself, only then will you become tolerant of the world around you no matter how chaotic it gets. Try to see yourself thru the eyes of a loved one, maybe you will love yourself more and see your worth, the qualities that make you shine. We all have flaws and make wrong decisions from time to time, some worse than others. We all have what if's and missed opportunities, we can't relive the past and undo or redo things but we can better ourselves in the present to be wiser tomorrow and make better decisions for ourselves. After all, stars need darkness to shine their brightest.
What brought this on? For the last few months, I have noticed a decline in mental health from many friends, nobody specific targeted with this post. Some more cryptic than others in their public post or the way they message but ladybug knows, while some are just quietly dealing but a word of encouragement and a positive thought doesn't hurt. Some are trying to reach out from down in the hole but don't know how or to whom fearing judgment as to how or why they may have gotten there. We all have problems we can't fix them all but sometimes all a person needs is to talk it out a little while and feel valued when they are unable to value themselves properly.
Long story still long...mixing lame movies and my recent observations into something somewhat half cohesive, the world needs to take a step back, observe and listen to each other, not with your ears but with your heart, not to reply but to hear and understand. Sometimes we make assumptions about how others may feel or their intentions and will most likely be wrong most of the time without communication. Sometimes if you take the time to listen and let the small details come together in it's due time rather than analyze the bigger picture before the details but at the same time is understanding and accepting that some nuts, you just can't crack and that's not your fault, we can only control ourselves in the end. Sometimes, those who feel unheard just eventually fade away and understanding that it's almost never an easy choice to make and live with but sometimes necessary.
My heart broke for so many the last few weeks dealing with various situations, I wish I could give them all a huge hug that would glue all their broken pieces back together but ya know ... hummm ... covid. For some well, they live a tad far for me to get to. The world needs a giant fucking hug right now and what we internally feel manifests into the universe good or bad if you believe in karma or not. Why empaths may feel a little blue or drained these days working overtime to dissolve our collective negative karmic energy as an earthly species that has kept us spinning in circles during 2020 so that we can unite in 2021 and learn to heal together. The slogan for 2020 was "we are in this together" and it was repeated until it was meaningless to most of us, lets bring it meaning again in 2021...not because the mainstream keeps repeating it until we mindlessly regurgitate it but because we are our brother's keeper and it's important for us to remember that.
Check in on your elderly neighbor, wish someone you haven't spoken to in a while a happy new year, shovel someone's sidewalk for no reason, give someone a compliment or a pat on the back for encouragement. Pay for the person behind you at the Tim's drive thru line, receiving unexpected free coffee will bring a smile even to the grouchiest of mornings. No matter what mood we are in, it is impossible for anyone with a heart not to smile when you make someone else smile. I bet a smile is still more contagious than that new UK covid strain. Change my mind! 😁🥰
A lot of people are not ok right now and need to be reminded that they matter. A meaningless action to you may be an impactful moment that will be remembered for a life time to the receiver. You just don't know and will likely never hear about it but it's always heart warming when someone comes up 20 years later to say something unexplained I did in second grade helped them get thru some tough shit, sometimes that message comes thru at the exact moment when yourself feel meaningless and forgotten...Everything put out into the universe comes full circle one way or another. (seriously dudes and dudettes, I was a jerk at that age, someone says I did something nice and didn't hit them with a swing I'll take it as a win!
If you feel isolated maybe from pandemic stress or perhaps complicated issues that stems from before, go to bed, give your inner child the biggest of hugs and it will be ok, may it be a hug from someone in heaven, someone that lives far, someone entirely made up, maybe it's someone already in your life and it can be a real hug. Anything that brings comfort and truly feel that comfort drifting off to sleep with a smile. I don't even care if you imagine a bunch of care bears shooting rainbows at 2020 while skittles and lucky charm marshmallows are falling out of the sky until you fall out of bed laughing at your own absurdities. The universe will hear it and needs it to heal.
I dedicate 2021 to a fresh start with a new perspective. One based on kindness and the Law of One, our spiritual spring and rebirth after the storm 2020 brought into our lives. Reconnect with ourselves and one another, reconnect with nature, the earth, the universe, become one again as it should be. Astrology enthusiast would suggest that the recent coming together of the Christmas star was the celestial event to launch us in that direction. Was it? It's certainly a nice thought to start the year.
I wish you all a happy and prosperous New-Year, I know we all said last year was going to be our year but scratch that, 2021 will be our year!