Is there anyone who recalls bad memories that happened in life? I guess no one does that except a few people because some past memories never let us move forwards. We always say that recalling the past is a waste of time and basically there is nothing you can do except learning some lessons from the past. But what if suddenly your 10 years old past comes into your present? What if your past suddenly shatters your present lifestyle? What if your 10 years old past takes you once again to the worst memory lane of your life?
Some situations and moments are out of our control, we can't do anything except controlling our emotions. Perhaps you moved on, time healed your heart but still when your past comes into your current present, somehow bad memories gasp at you. No matter how much you try to pretend and control yourself in front of others, somehow you can't control your inside soul and mind. This happens because you never forgot those moments, you were never forgiven, you just don't wanna recall those pasts. You know that the past would never let you move forward and will try to destroy your mindset.
Many people call me delusional, many people say that you think too much. I am also aware of my emotional state and I know how to deal with it. As I have mentioned, no matter how much I try to control myself and pretend in front of the world, when the past comes in front of me, I feel like my soul is burning. It's not like I miss those moments, it's not like I feel guilty or sad, I know exactly what happened 10 years ago but as I have said, I never forgot that. I don't remember or recall those worst memories but if those forcefully come into my present, somehow I don't like to be forgiven. I guess I never forgave those situations, I just let them go...
This past not only reminded me of the worst situation in my life but also reminded me of the severe level of depression. Most of my past is dark and they were the reason for my severe depression which took me a long time to recover. I was a patient with severe depression and not only I had to take long counseling and medicines but also I had to change my whole lifestyle. How can I forget those moments?
But somehow I am happy today, I am smiling now for one reason, victory. That past let me down several times but failed today. Individuals wanted to see me weak, broken but instead, I gave a smile. A bitter smile and that was a slap for them on their face.
I am feeling free and relieved because the burden which I was carrying for 10 years inside me, the fire that was burning my soul for 10 years, ends today.
This is the ending and this is the finishing of 10 years old story... It will never come back...
Love
Priyan
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