Pressures of Being 3 Decades Old

Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New Year Hiveians!

It's been a while since I've been out of the Hive horizon. Maybe I am still adjusting with my new work schedule that I just can't find time to think what to write. Lately, I have no travel posts to share too. So much with all those excuses, I remembered I started to make my birthday post last October that I never finished writing. Hopefully I can publish before 2020 ends. This year is a great achievement for me. As I reached the 30-year milestone, I still can't believe that my age is almost past the dates of a calendar month! Despite all the challenges that I (or everyone) faced this year, I am still grateful that my family is safe and healthy.

Being a 30 year-old adult in my country, especially the single and unmarried ones, experienced pressures from society. Especially this holiday season, days will be booked for party invitations (but maybe a bit less due to the pandemic). We will be meeting relatives, family friends and the titas of the world. Typically, they would reminisce how small you were the last time they saw you. As conversation progresses, when asked about age and knew that I'm already 30, questions about love life, marriage, career, etc. will be thrown at me. When asked about this stuff, I would just smile, answer a bit like "in God's time" or "soon" and try to change the subject. Though in my mind, I want to explain further but it would be so tiring to repeatedly answer the same question. Some would not listen to any explanations and keep on insisting on what a 30 year-old should be doing.

To keep myself sane, I have listed below some of these questions or statements and burst out what I really wanted to answer. It would be great if they would be able to read them.

Marriage is a lifetime commitment to your loved one. Wedding on the other hand is a one-time event to celebrate and at the same time to document this commitment. Both should be something that you and your loved one would prepare for. That would be financially and mentally. As much as possible we don't want to rush big milestones like marriage. Though I do like the thought of going to sleep with my loved one, feeling safe and also waking up in the morning inspired as I saw him first when I open my eyes.

Like marriage, I don't want to rush into having kids. To have kids means you already accept the responsibility of taking care of another individual other than yourself. I do consider age as a factor for childbirth since fertility might decline with age. But I know there is a right time for everything. I pity my child that I won't be able to take care of him or her because I'm too soaked with work or leisure.

Owning a car can really make my travel to and from the office convenient. I don't have to wait long hours for the bus or force my father to send me or fetch me at the wee hours of the day during my shifting schedule. I do consider having one but I have allocated much of my salary to important priorities, which are paying for a lot mortgage and saving up for emergency and travel funds. Since having a car is more of a liability rather than an asset, I am putting that at the bottom of my list. I am making sure first to acquire a real estate property first while I can still afford for the mortgage. For sure properties here in Cebu will be way more expensive even a year from now.

As an unwritten rule, emergency fund is recommended to be at least 3 to 6 months worth of your salary or income. So far, my emergency fund haven't reached yet the 6 month-salary mark.

Travelling these days requires more effort than pre-covid days. Additional documents and precautions are needed. Nevertheless, I still allot a part of my income to my travel funds. Nothing compares to personally explore the place and discover the people's culture and most importantly - FOOD!

If there are opportunities where I can earn more, can help with my career growth and promotes work-life balance, be it in abroad or in the Philippines, I am very much open to consider any possibilities.

It's embedded in our Filipino culture that once a child finishes school and secures a job, he or she is obliged to support his/her parents. If there are younger siblings, we are to give financially until the youngest one graduates. There could be a positive effect on this practice since it would lighten the burden of the parents for the education of their children. Yet, everything should be balanced and parents are not to rely considerably to the elder daughter/son to the extent that the latter could no longer save for their own future and soon-to-be family. I have heard stories like the eldest one or the most responsible child is pressured to provide for the family and served as the bread winner even if some of the siblings already have families of their own. The parents on their end tolerate such, that irresponsible siblings would just keep on milking money from their bread-winner siblings.

I am thankful that my parents do not promote such practice. Though they would ask financial support from me but very reasonable since I am still living under their roof. Though, it is still quite less than they usually spend for the month. They completely understand that I have to save for my future.

I think this is enough to relieve a bit from some of the pressures I have been feeling for being three decades old. Hopefully I could also help those having that 30-year crisis. There are really times that I ask myself countless questions, like:

Whenever I think about all these stuffs, I try to be as optimistic as I can be so that I don't have to dwell on the uncertainties. We can't avoid to feel so low at times. What's important is that we have someone to listen to our woes or could give some advices. We should give importance to our mental health as much as we value our physical wellness.