Over the years I have dieted or worked out to "be better for my husband". Little did I know I was always "better" I have always been enough for him and there was not one thing I needed to do to make him "approve" of me.
I have struggled with self esteem and self confidence literally my whole life. I used to hit, punch, pull and abuse myself at the disgust I had for my body. It was a devastating place to be to wake up each morning and see my "momma pooch" tummy folded over and hate every bit of what I saw. Never did I allow myself to see the beauty in what that pooch helped me create! Two beautiful babies, who now, are adults thriving in this world!
This past year something switched for me and I have been able to be content with who I am and where my body is at physically. Working out isn't something I feel like I HAVE to do for the first time ever in my life. I want to do it and I want to see the success that comes from consistency!
Today while we were at the gym, my shirt kept rolling up a bit exposing the little bit of tummy that I have hated for so long, I had boxing gloves on so pulling my shirt down was not something I could immediately do, so I had to sit in the discomfort of my lack of confidence....realizing, no one but myself is worried about the small bump rising from my belly under my waist band.
I am at the gym to improve where I am at, not to judge where I am at. Being authentic to myself and working towards peaceful contentment in who I am, what I am, and what I look like is a journey, not a race. Just like getting fit!! Being able to quickly switch my mindset to positivity is so huge for me, and I am so proud of myself for catching the negative spiral starting and redirecting to a more positive string of thoughts!
My muscles are growing, my stamina is so so much better than what it was when I worked at a desk all day every day! And my ability to focus in and not quit is much more resilient!
Today was a good day, spending time with my hubby and working towards our health is important and we are doing it together! It feels good working out to have fun, rather than to achieve something that I had already attained....being enough for the man I married 20 years ago <3 <3 <3
Contentment is the goal, the feeling is so similar to what I felt walking on this trail a few years ago during fall...beautifully content
