Huhm.....So if I become president for just one day🤔, are you sure you are ready for this, cause bet it with me it would be the best decision you ever made and also the best thing that ever happened to you🤩. I’ll literally turn this giant of Africa into a cruise nation.
As the No1 citizen of this country, and as the president of this beautiful country, Nigeria, here are my decrees.
Note; They should be implemented with immediate effect.
Here's my first decree as the GCFR: Siesta becomes a law, from the hours of 1PM to 3PM daily, the whole country must sleep😮. It is a must, there will be an agency assigned to monitor that all citizens of this great country sleep. And as you know, there's always a penalty for those who fail to abide. If you’re caught, you will be assigned to the president's kitchen to cook for a whole week.
Note: You are to provide all cooking materials, ingredients and all, and it must be a standard dish.
Second decree: No more payment of Bride price. No more long lists from the bride. Rice, goat, palm oil, uncle's money, Aunty's due, traveling bags, clothes, and all are hereby cancelled. Marriage henceforth is based on love. Say I do, put your signatures down, and ....... you’re married.
Any bride family who asks for a bride price will pay double of what was requested to the groom's family.
Third decree: No more “Keep the change.” It is now a jailable offense. If you ever buy or pay for anything and ask the seller or service provider to keep the change, your account will be automatically frozen and be jailed for infringement of the law. Because who are you to buy something worth ₦950 and ask the seller to keep the ₦50 change...tell me, who are you, how dare you. Are my citizens beggars?....
Fourth law: This is very important as it regardsPlantains🤪. If you fry plantain and refuse to share, you’ll be dragged to a correctional centre, you will spend a month there. And, you will be made to fry plantain everyday, of which you have no right to eat/taste out of it. We all know selfishness is never a fruit of the spirit...So better learn to share.
Sixth order: All Nigerian aunties, those aunties who always ask, “When are you getting married?” They will be banned from attending any owambes(party) for 2 years. Since you can't face your business and are all about pressure, you will be home watching TV, while others are busy rocking in the party. That way you won't see/meet your cousin in any gathering for the next 2years.
Seventh decree: This will be for traffic offenders, life and properties are important to me. Traffic offenders, no matter what your offense is, so far it is road/traffic related, you are mandated to count potholes, you have the right to choose a state, city, and street of your choice. But you must count up to a thousand potholes before you can be pardoned. That will also help the government to know those roads to repair 👏.
Eighth decree: The National Anthem will be remixed. I found out that VDM happens to be very good in singing. We never knew he has such a gift. So, the National Anthem will be remixed by both VDM and Portable, verses by VDM, and chorus by Portable. If anyone sings the old one, he/she will be made to fast until he/she can recite the new one without mistake.
Ninth law: Your phone must not ring longer than 10 seconds, if your phone should, then that is automatic confiscation of your phone. Because I don't understand the kind of audacity you have to blast your phone longer than necessary. Your ringtone cannot be longer and louder than your destiny😋.
Tenth law: You will love this🤩. Henceforth, looted funds that were recovered from politicians and criminals will be used to sponsor Netflix subscriptions for every Nigerian. No more borrowing of passwords.
Eleventh: If a guy proposes in public and gets rejected, he will receive ₦2,000,000. That is a heartbreak grant, together with that, he will receive a presidential handshake. My government will not give room to be disgraced and broke at the same time. If anyone or a couple tries to fake it, be sure to get joined together in a prison yard and there you will have your honeymoon, and an extension of two months in jail.
Here's the last but not the least...: Politicians, ministers, governors and such must live two weeks without light before resuming duty. That way, they’ll feel the pain of the citizens. They cannot use a generator, powerbank, solar/inverter or anything ....just candle.
I am sure Nigerians will be happy by the time I leave office at midnight.
Mind you, I would have booked a plane to japa(run) from the country before then.
All pictures were generated using AI.
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