Every child, wether she comes to her family by birth or adoption, discovers what a family is through the experiences of family life. The newborn infant have no way of knowing which of the many faces that hover above her belongs to a parent. She has no way of knowing what a parent is. She only knows that she is comfortable or uncomfortable, hungry or satisfied.
Gradually, as the months go by, she begins to know who brings comfort when she is uncomfortable and food when she is hungry. She comes to know the feel of the arm that holds her close when she eats and holds her safe in her bath. She knows the voice that soothes her and sings to her. She grows to know who responds to her needs when she cries out. This is the special person in the whole strange new world who belongs specially to her. This is her first recognition of parent.
The mother and father who care for a child, who listen to her voice and try to interpret what she means, who comfort her, feed her and play with her discover for the first time what it is to be parents. They do not become parents by virtue of conception and birth alone. They grow to be a parent just as the infant grows to recognize them as such. They come to know the developing personality of their child in a way that no other person really can. They recognize wether she is a lusty eater or a nibbler; vivacious or reserved; adventurous or cautious. By observing her intellectual and physical abilities, they also get to know what she may become in future. They are concerned with meeting her needs and wants; and fostering her growth to maturity.
Sometime, because of their responsibility to their child, parents have to do unpleasant things. They have, for instance, to take her for injections. She can have no choice about taking medicine when she is ill. She must learn quickly, and not necessarily at her own pace, that fire is not a play-thing. In the intimacies of daily living, the child and the parents learn the bitter and sweet of family relations. It is through the experiences of the family life that a child and her parents grow to be a family. For every parents, biological or adoptive, it is the daily loving care of the child and her responsiveness that build up the parents' feelings.
For every child, it is being loved and being cared for that produce family closeness.