A year ago I gave birth to our second son at home, on the bathroom floor, 10 minutes before the midwife arrived. It wasn’t a quick labor, and the midwife wasn’t late.
I filmed the birth story when Beau was a few days old (click here to watch), but I wanted to have it in writing here, too.
At the time of writing this, both of our boys have nearing birthdays, which are one day apart. In my last post (September 17), I shared the birth story of our first son, Wren (click here to read).
This is the unassisted home birth story of Beauregard.
Finding Out I was Pregnant
Christmas 2019
Jon and I planned to have our kids about three years apart. We had been “trying” (or not, not trying) for a few months, but, once again, it was Christmas, and I had wine.
Apparently that is the secret sauce for conception, and our kids would be exactly three years apart.
January 8, 2020
I had an acupuncture appointment, and after my experience finding out I was pregnant with Wren – I knew I needed to take that test. It was negative. At this particular appointment I asked to be treated for emotional health. While I was driving into the city for my appointment, I started to spiral into a tornado of fear of anxiety, which is very unusual for me. I didn’t know what was happening with me. It was like someone else was highjacking my brain. (spoiler alert – I was pregnant).
January 9, 2020
For some reason the details of this day are fuzzy. There is no dramatic story attached to it. I peed on a digital pregnancy test – POSITIVE! I walked into the kitchen and told Jon the good news, and we were obviously happy.
Midwife or Doctor? Hospital or Home?
Allow me to digress for a moment about health care… In Canada, our health care system makes it very difficult to have any kind of personal relationship with your doctor. It can be a nightmare just to find a doctor that is accepting new patients. Appointments need to be made weeks in advance. The only way to speak to your doctor is to make an appointment for a visit. If there is anything that requires urgency, you need to go to the hospital and sit in a hallway for 7 hours with other sick people. The staff could change shifts while you’re there and 10 different people have now seen you. I once had over 25 different doctors care for me when I had tonsillitis. I was put on antibiotics for five months straight, developed a severe C difficile infection (twice), took more antibiotics, and still had bursting tonsils. I couldn’t eat and the infections were getting worst. I was put on an 8 month waiting list for surgery. I weighed 90 pounds. The only reason I didn’t die from this experience was because “we knew somebody who knew somebody”, and I got a surgery date.
I choose to look for alternative health care whenever possible.
Midwife Care
We chose to have a midwife for our first birth, and that experience was very positive. It was an easy decision for us to have Janelle, as our primary care giver for this brith as well. I emailed her as soon as I found out I was pregnant. She replied and we set the date for our first appointment.
The care with a midwife is so much more personal. We could text her if we had any questions. She phoned me when results were in for any tests or scans. They are pregnancy and birth experts that care for you, your baby, and your whole family.
Homebirth
I wanted a home birth for our first son but decided against it because we live so far from a hospital, should we need it. We spoke to the midwife about a home birth. Janelle said with confidence, “You want a home birth? Yeah! You can have a home birth!” (sigh… I remember it so clearly). I believed in me, but it was such a relief to know she believed in me, too.
I wanted to be at home so I could be alone… like a cow.
Let me explain. I grew up on a big cattle farm. My parents finished thousands of beef every year, and calved out about 300-600 calves every spring and fall (still do). They do most of it by themselves. Calving season is no joke. They realized that leaving the cows alone as much as possible, is the best thing. They check on the expecting cows periodically throughout the day, from a distance, but never at night. First time calvers (heifers), usually need more interventions (just like people). When animals give birth, they want to find a lonely corner of the pasture, where they can let their bodies give birth in peace. They know what they’re doing. Wild animals also behave this way when they are nearing death. They just want to be alone.
Giving birth is a fine line between life and death. It’s intense, and I wanted to be at home to do it, peacefully, like a cow.
Gender and Names
The gender of our first baby was a surprise, and I loved it. This time we felt a little more curious, so we ended up deciding to find out. Jon was not allowed to attend the ultrasound scan with me (covid restrictions), so the technician wrote the gender on a card for us to look at later.
Wren and I waited patiently while Jon dramatically opened the card. We were standing outside in our garden. Then he said “The gender of your baby appears to be a BOY.” Wren was going to have a baby brother!
Once we knew the gender we started to talk more about names. Jon still loved the name Abel, which was the runner up name for Wren. I wasn’t as in love with it.
Some of the names on my list were Solomon (Sol or Sunny), Sigmund, Grove, Heir, and Bellamy. Jon didn’t love any of them. So I told him to give me some more options, other than Abel. Then the name Beau got mentioned, and we both loved it, but I was hesitating because I have a friend with a daughter named Bow. She is nine years older. I asked my friend what her thoughts were, and of course she was honoured, and gave me her blessing.
We let the name Beau sink in, then started to play around with the idea of the full name Beauregard. I loved how formal and romantic it sounded, but was nervous to commit to it because of the length. The french spelling also confuses many people.
We ran into other challenges naming this second baby because of syllables and how the name could sound musically. The initials are something that we decided to be important, too. It would take me way too much effort to explain it all here but in the end we ended up deciding to name him Beauregard Bishop Alexander – and we love it.
The Pregnancy
The First Trimester
In January 2020 I was in the best health I’d ever been in. I was fit, eating well and happy. I enjoyed playing with Wren and mentally strong.
Then, by the end of the month, a very very dark vail came over me. I suddenly felt awful in every way. I was horribly nauseous all of the time. I was so exhausted I couldn’t get out of bed. I hated everything. Everything. I was severely depressed and cried all day. I didn’t play with Wren. I couldn’t make it through a story with Wren without crying. I didn’t clean. I didn’t cook. I laid on the couch and cried.
I felt like I was on a really really bad drug. My senses were over loaded. Even things that smelled good were unbearable. Color was dull. Music meant nothing. I had no will to go outside. It took everything in me just to get up and go to the bathroom. I was in shock. It all happened so fast and I didn’t understand why. I couldn’t visualize the future either. I really didn’t know that my misery was only temporary. It was a prison. It was the darkest thing I’ve ever experienced, and I know grief very intimately.
One day my sister-in-law said compassionately, “You’re just pregnant.” That statement was surprisingly so helpful. I really thought I was a monster, but that little reminder that it was the hormones that were doing this to me, meant there would be an end.
Another friend, Becki, asked me how I was doing, and I told her the truth. I was really suffering with the smells and complained about how unbearable it was when the oven was on. Becki came over one day when I was gone and cleaned my oven for me. She also cleaned my washing machine to help with laundry smells. That act of kindness really got me through, and will be something I never forget. I don’t really know how to describe what that did for me.
I felt like I wanted to be alone (like a dying wild animal), then she came and did something that actually helped ease some of the suffering, and the message was “we’re going to get through this”.
The first trimester sucked. There’s no other way to put it. I never want to do it again. But if I do, I will come back and read this and remember that I can do it, and that I have family and friends that will help if I am honest with them.
The Second & Third Trimester
The dark vail started to lift when I was about 14 weeks pregnant. Even though I was able to feel emotion again, and the nausea was subsiding, I was still in shock. After crying on the couch for two months straight, it was hard to resume life as it was before. I was physically better so I started to clean and cook again. But, emotionally I still wanted to be in bed. Just because I looked better, didn’t mean I was all better. It was like an emotional hangover, but I did slowly recover.
At the same time I started to develop the SPD (symphysis pubis dysfunction) symptoms again, which I wrote about in Wren’s Birth Story. It’s a very painful thing to deal with, but I would take that kind of physical pain over the mental depression any day.
Two things can be true at the same time. It was really hard. AND, I was, and am still, grateful for the changes I went through to grow and then know little Beauregard. He was worth every second of it. We had many blessings to count along the way.
How We Prepared For The Birth
The midwife would bring everything. They also gave us a little care package that had our papers in it, some adult diapers, a garbage bag, a plastic shower curtain (for the bed), a peri bottle (for postpartum hygiene), disposable under-pads, etcetera.
All we needed to do was provide a flat table-like surface near an electrical outlet (in case the baby needed emergency medical attention), and lots and lots of towels.
Resources
Here is a list of resources that we used to prepare for the birth.
Natural Childbirth The Bradly Way
Jon and I both read this book. It was a such a huge support to know that Jon and I were on the same page about the process of birth and how to help.Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth
A must read for all pregnant women.The Birth Hour Podcast
It’s really good to hear the stories of mothers who went before you. I listened to this one a lot with my first pregnancy as well.The Freebirth Podcast
I stumbled upon this one when I was in my third trimester. It’s a good thing I did! The stories shared in this podcast blew my mind, and gave me strength.The Mile Circuit Exercises
These postures and exercises help get the baby aligned for birth.
Helping Wren Prepare
We decided not to have Wren present at the birth. I do love the idea of having the sibling included in welcoming their new baby into the world, but I also thought it would be best for me to be alone to focus.
We talked about what would happen if Wren did end up being there. We talked about some of the ways things could play out… “When my body and the baby are ready, the muscles in my tummy will start to squeeze. I’ll have to work really hard before the baby comes out through the birth canal. The Midwife and Dad will be there to help me. If I need extra help then we will go to the hospital and the doctors will help me, too.”
We talked about anticipation… “I’m anticipating the arrival of the baby. It’s so exciting because we’ll have a sweet little baby here soon! I’m also a little nervous because I don’t know when the baby will come, and a lot of things will be different once he’s born. Anticipation feels like happy and nervous at the same time.”
We talked about what will happen if everything goes as planned… “When my body and baby are ready, and the muscles in my tummy start to squeeze really hard, Dad will take you to Nanny and Papa’s house. They will take care of you while I’m having the baby. You might get to have a sleep over if the baby doesn’t come before supper-time. As soon as the baby is born, we’ll call you and you can come home to meet your brother.”
And of course, we talked about what it could be like after the baby was born… “The baby is going to be so tiny and will need to me to take care of him. I’ll be tired and sore and need to rest. You and Dad can help take care of us and cuddle in our bed, etcetera…”
The Labor
September 24, 2020 (7 days over “due”):
Everything began exactly like it did when I went into labor with Wren. The boys had the same due date, and now I was going into labor on the same day, at the same time.
It was about 4:00pm when I realized I was having contractions. They continued to come all night. I tried to sleep, but the contractions were coming often enough that they kept me awake. They were getting stronger, and eventually I couldn’t stay in bed anymore. At about 2:00am I got up and sat on a yoga ball, or lied down on the couch.
I tried to rest. I was scared this was going to be another exhausting 48 hour marathon, because everything was happening exactly the same as my first birth. I tried not to freak myself out but I was definitely going there anyways.
Jon slept, which was good because he’d need to look after our busy toddler the next day.
September 25, 2020 – Morning (8 days over “due”):
When Jon woke up I told him what was happening. We talked about when would be the right time to send Wren over to my parents’ house. I was tired, and the contractions were still coming, so we thought it would be best to send Wren off, while everything was still manageable.
Jon took Wren over to my parent’s house after breakfast – he loves it there.
I continued to labor. I was trying to make sure I maintained good posture to help the baby get into a good position. I also did The Mile Circuit while I was labouring, and for a few days prior.
The contractions were acting the same as they did with Wren. Really long, but inconsistent in spacing. I didn’t actually time any of them this time, because I didn’t want to scare myself, but I knew they were double peaking and lasting longer than they should be. The long contractions really wore me out with Wren so I was trying to avoid the mental games, and just trust.
Jon was trying to encourage me to try different positions to help get the baby into the a good position.
We had some lunch and then decided to go for a walk in the field to see if we could get the contractions to regulate.
September 25, 2020 – Afternoon:
It was a very…slow…walk. The edge of the grain crop was cultivated and bumpy to walk on. Every few steps I was having another contraction. We made it out pretty far in the field. Jon was secretly timing contractions and noticed that they were actually behaving normally now. They were 30 seconds long and the time between them was more even. We turned around and started to make our way back.
Every time a contraction came I had to squat down and hold onto Jon’s hands. They were getting intense. I was in active labor. I felt like sleeping in between contractions and walked with my eyes closed.
We made it back to the house, and I decided to try labouring in the bath tub. I didn’t like it and got out. Jon got me set up in an exaggerated side lie position on the couch cushions, on the floor. The top leg is propped on pillows as high up as you can get it, to help open the pelvis.
This is when things got serious. All of the nice thoughts left me and I started getting pretty loud during each contraction. In between the contractions I would give myself a pep talk and tell myself that I could do it. Then the contraction would start and I’d be yelling that I couldn’t do it.
It was really nice that Jon was the only one there to witness this wild side. I was letting anything that came to my mind fly out of my mouth, and if Wren was there I wouldn’t have felt safe to do that. Perhaps I would have been a little more classy with him there, but labor and birth is not a classy occasion.
After having some really intense contractions I asked Jon to make me some food. He made scrambled eggs and oatmeal, but made sure to run back during a contraction to rub my back.
We were in contact with the midwife throughout the whole labor. I told her everything that was happening. When labor started to get really hard, Jon took over texting. Janelle had to drive an hour from the city and was ready to leave as soon as we gave her the word.
I didn’t ask the midwife to come sooner, because with my first birth I was feeling the intensity of transition, but only 4 centimetres dilated. I was convinced I was going to have another all nighter of intense labor ahead of me. At this point I was about 24 hours into labor. I didn’t have any cervical checks – and specially requested not to have any – so I had no idea how far along I actually was.
The Birth
September 25, 2020 – 4:30pm:
I was still convinced that this is what 4 centimetres dilated felt like, and had a long way to go. I cried/yelled that I couldn’t do this during every contraction.
Then I said, “I think the midwife should come now.”
Jon sent Janelle a text. “The contractions are getting harder and closer now and Emily thinks that it’s time for you to come out.”
Janelle was on her way right away.
I had been on my side on the floor for a while, so Jon suggested that I get up and try walking to the kitchen with him. It sounded impossible. The contractions were coming so close together. When I got up I thought maybe I had better go to the bathroom and try to pee.
As we walked to the bathroom the contractions were coming back-to-back. It was a more like a very slow shuffle, and it was incredibly difficult to do.
Somehow I made it to the toilet, peed, and got up off the toilet. I didn’t put my pants back on. I took a few shuffles forward and then said, “something is coming out.”
5:30-5:45pm
I was bent over hanging off of Jon with a water bag hanging out of me. Jon told me to squat down. I was burning hot. I said I was going to die. The hot flashes were so intense I really thought they would kill me. At this point something changed. Instead of closing my eyes, they were wildly open. Light was flooding into them. It was that fine line of life and death that every women experiences in with birth. Wild. Just Wild.
I squatted down really low so that my butt was practically touching the floor. The water bag was still hanging. The tile floor was really uncomfortable, so I asked for something under me.
I was frozen there in that position with contractions coming one on top of the other. There was no time in between. Jon put some towels under me and then ran to get the couch cushions. He threw the cushions in front of me and draped them with towels. I leaned forward onto the cushions, with my knees still pinned to the ground in a low squat.
In my head I was still only 4 centimetres dilated and had 24 hours to go. I didn’t believe that this was happening.
After a few more hard contractions, the fetal ejection reflex kicked in. As I’m involuntarily pushing I was yelling/screaming/growling, “I don’t know if I’m supposed to be doing this!“.
Jon was behind me telling me to lean forward. I was squatting so low that he needed some room to catch the baby. I moved forward more so that I was up on my hands and knees.
It was an enormous push and I felt his head come down into the birth canal. The push didn’t really stop. I just pushed and pushed and pushed all in one big continuous push, and his head was out. A moment later, there was another enormous push (and a lot of screaming) and he was born.
Jon caught the baby and screamed the second he was born.
My body was frozen and in shock. Jon was trying to pass the baby up to me between my legs, which was tricky with the umbilical cord. I was having a hard time getting stable enough in my legs, so I could get off of my hands to hold the baby. It wasn’t a smooth hand off but we did get him into my arms quickly.
He was so slippery, and there was blood everywhere. I was very uncomfortable and in that squatting position so we got me turned around. I was in a lounging position on the couch cushion. The baby was so slippery and I was having a hard time holding him securely. I kept saying in a squeaky I-just-gave-birth voice, “Are you ok?! Are you ok?!”
I wasn’t panicked at all. I actually felt really safe and knew we were all okay. But, Jon had a different experience. I was just screaming, then I gave birth and he delivered the baby. My squeaky I-just-gave-birth voice was freaking him out. He was concerned because I just kept saying, “Are you ok?!”
Postpartum
Once I got a towel on him and was able to hold him more securely we knew everything was ok. Jon called the midwife and she was 10 minutes away.
The baby latched and began nursing right away.
As I waited on the floor for the midwife to arrive I was having a lot of postpartum contractions. When the midwife came in, the placenta was ready to be delivered. The midwife helped me deliver the placenta and checked that the bleeding was normal. I didn’t need any stitches.
Janelle got right to work cleaning everything up. She quickly prepared the bed and helped get me into it. While the baby and I relaxed in bed she gathered all the laundry and took the garbage out. She weighed the baby and completed the paperwork.
When I was ready she helped me get up and take a shower. It is so hard to breathe. The emptiness is like a vacuum on your diaphragm. I had to lean way forward and take really short breaths.
It felt so good to get cleaned up. There was also quite a bit of blood on the baby so we gently cleaned him up with a cloth, too.
We phoned our parents right away and told them the good news. We asked my parents to bring Wren home to meet the baby. It was already his bedtime but we thought this was a good excuse to stay up later.
When Wren got home he climbed up onto the bed and saw his baby brother. It was so cute. He touched him, and then proceeded to tell us about his new combine…
Earlier that day, Wren went with my parents to a farm store to pick up parts. He spotted a toy replica combine that was just like Papa’s, and of course, he really wanted it. My mom told him that she’s sorry, but they won’t be buying the combine. The man that owns the store overhead the conversation. He came out of his office and told Wren that he could have the combine. It was a pretty special day for him. New combine, new baby brother, and it was his third birthday the very next day.
After spending some time meeting the baby, we decided it would be best to have my parents take Wren back to their house again for a sleep over. We asked Wren if he’d rather stay home but he was happy to go back to Nanny and Papa’s.
I ate, and then we went to bed.
We named the baby Beauregard Bishop Alexander. He weighed 7lbs 7oz and was 20 inches long. He is a healthy, happy baby.
The next day was Wren’s third birthday and we went ahead with our party plans. Our families came over and we had an excellent day. I was tired and tender, but I just relaxed on the couch cuddling my new baby.
I feel really blessed that I got to have an unassisted home birth. I wasn’t afraid at all. I could feel him moving and knew that everything was going to be ok. It was amazing to be able to give birth to my baby, then get up and go to my bed. I ate and slept and showered and peed whenever I wanted to. I was handled with care. I gave birth with out any poking or prodding. I am so grateful to have had this experience with Jon and Wren.
Love From Mom
September 24, 2021
Happy First Birthday, Beauregard. Your spirit inspires me. I love you so much.