Photo by Ian Stauffer on Unsplash
Everybody deals with the death of a loved one differently. We all have our own ways of navigating the stages of grief.
Let me tell you the story of my dad’s passing.
I will not say much about my early stages of grieving. My dad and I were distant and we had our issues but I always thought we would have time to sort them out.
As I made my way to the Acceptance stage of grief, and after 5 years of his passing, I began to recognize silver linings that came into my life with his exiting this world.
Here are three things that I learned:
1) A New Motivation for Life
My dad died when he was young, barely 45 years old.
I had recently turned 21 when I heard the news of his passing, I did the math, I possibly only had 24 years to live.
You always hear maxims about ‘seizing the day’ or ‘you only live once’ but when you are young and think that you still have forever to live, none of them really break through.
When a loved one dies so young, it is like a bolt of lightening hits you and it jolts you awake.
I suddenly had the overwhelming desire to take control of my life, to live with purpose rather than wait for my life to happen to me.
Prior to that summer, I was a ‘college kid’ that smoked too much of the electric lettuce. I did well enough in classes but I had no plans or desires for life after school.
When I started to take control of my life, I recognized I had been stuck in neutral for years. I was drifting from day to day, doing what I needed to do to stay alive but I was waiting for my dreams to come to me.
When I recognized I had been drifting along, I nailed down my next step and went after it.
2) The Desire to Break Out of Depression
Existing in a haze of self-medication does nothing good for one’s mental health. It was not until I started taking better care of my body that the haze started to fade.
When the clouds in my mind finally cleared, I knew that my last dance with Mary Jane had finally arrived.
With the self-medication cleared out, I turned to my budding interest in herbal medicine to find a natural aid to help me get over the depression hump. That is when I found my friend St. Johns Wort, a naturally occurring anti-depressant that helped me see how great life is.
(Please check with a licensed herbalist or primary care doctor to make sure you are not taking any medications that can interact with St. Johns Wort. This herb has a long list of interactions and should be used carefully.)
With my mind clear, my heart happy and life looking good again, I realized that I wanted to live to be 100 years old. I had no idea that this desire would lead me to more school and another 4-year degree.
3) Becoming a Healer
My interest in herbal medicine led me to read many and more books on the subject in that last year of college. I decided to continue to learn more about natural medicine and how I could use it to help other people.
As I started to research alternative medicines that use herbs, I found out that Chinese Medicine is one of the oldest and most continuous traditions of herbal medicine.
When I found out that there was a whole field of medicine dedicated to herbs, movement and achieving balance with nature, I had to find out more!
I do not think I would have started down this path without my dad passing away. Every milestone I arrive at now, I know that he is cheering me on, urging me forward, showing me that he is proud of who I have become.
When I finished my degree to become a Doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine, I knew that my dad was cheering me on.
When a loved one passes away, their body leaves this world but their love for us remains. You can see that love reflected in the eyes of the loved ones that are still with you. Keep their spirit alive and live a life that would make them proud.
This article was originally posted on Quora in response to the question “How does losing a loved one affect your ability to enjoy life milestones?”
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