Quick Recap:
| In 2016, I met Sarah on Steemit and after many adventures and one arrest by immigration, we ended up married and living in England. |
Imagine this, you wake up to a pitch black room, but something’s not right; you feel like you’ve overslept, but there’s no sun.
So you frantically feel around for the alarm clock, but your rotten hand violently knocks it off the night stand. Then you remember that the TV always displays the time on the menu screen, so you quickly grab the remote and point it toward the foot of the bed and fire off a round of UV light.
The startled TV squeals in agony as it attempts to warm up it’s coils, tubes and other things that I don’t understand. But then it happens, the most horrific thing you’ve ever experienced, you hear some news correspondent talking about the corona virus, but you can’t see him, everything is still black and you hear yourself screaming:
“Sarah, I can’t fucking see! - Oh my God, I’m fucking blind!”
So yeah, that sucked!
But blindness wasn’t the worst of it, I also went deaf in both ears and I kept getting a sharp pain in my temple that would paralyse one side of my face and I would start talking like some sort of drunk Yoda, “Head hurt it does, Sleep I go!”
I’ll be honest with you, there where a lot of times where the pain was so intense that I didn’t know if I would survive the night.
Luckily, Sarah is like some sort of herbal MacGyver, she can cure cancer with just a handful of seasoning, a matchstick, and an old can. So, she went to work on me with every barbaric and sadistic method of torture that she could find, I mean seriously, why does everything have to go in my butt, I have a mouth you know!
Sure, she steered me away from certain death, but at what cost? Who knows how much therapy will be needed fix this type of PTSD.
So as you can imagine, I’m not the same Gonzo that I used to be... I’m angry and bitter now, slapping people and disregarding the phrase: be kind, rewind! - Just kidding.
The truth is, my vision still isn’t the best and reading is very difficult, but, after a year in bed, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you guys. I would like to try to reconnect with everyone and to be apart of the Hive community again, even if it is in a limited capacity.
Luckily, I have a few stories and a ton of photoshops making fun of Ned that I never posted to 
Also, now that Ned and Justin Sun are gone, who's the new villain that deserves a parody account?