Hi everyone, it has been a week since I last posted. However, I've been reading everyone's post and loving each and everyone of them. January felt like a breakthrough month after several weeks of experiencing nightmares. That is a huge deal for me as I have been battling sleepless nights for the past year and half and I just learn to go on with it. I know I needed time to process everything and after more than a year I am finally ready.
I realized even though I am no being vocal about it that I have some mental issues that need addressing. I was angry caused by a lot of traumatic experiences, unpleasant relationship, and life unfavorable circumstances. I kept on obsessing as to what had happen in my life, what it used to be, and what it should have been. My thoughts were not supporting the life I wanted and I am being haunted by the thoughts of my past causing me sleepless nights and sleep paralysis.
Sometimes we tend to mask our real situation. We try to show people that we are okay even if we are not because we are afraid of being judged. But I always believed that the more you acknowledge your fears and difficulties the more you get to understand it and eventually overcomes it.
Now what is sleep paralysis?
Sleep paralysis according to psychiatrist are due to underlying mental problems. And it causes you not to sleep properly. When you have not enough sleep your body i not moving smoothly in the stages of sleep hence the disruption. And when we are disrupted our mind will create unusual pattern in how we process our thoughts. I have experienced it like I am drowning in my sleep almost unable to breath and move my hands and feet. I can see people moving but I am helpless I cant shout or ask for help. That is how I can vividly remember it.
How did I overcome it?
By the way I have not completely overcome it but I was able to manage it. I have access to psychiatrist as my health insurance covers it but I do not have the courage to schedule an appointment. Most of the information and help I got was thru personal research. There are a lot of resources on the internet. And one thing I learned is to acknowledge the problem. You can not address something that you do not acknowledge. Self healing starts with acknowledgement that you need help. I am so lucky to have a partner that is so supportive and is able to help me in times of need.
I have a loving conversation with my fear. I understand that it needs to be heard. I went around my fear and miraculously it quietened. I got my courage back by addressing my fear with the help of the people around me. Choosing love instead of fear is my goal for 2022.
Do you have the same experience? Have you have some sleepless nights? How do you cope with it?