Since I moved flats last week I have been sleeping for about 10 hours a night and still woken up feeling tired and depleted. I have managed though to stay positive, telling myself there's nothing I really need to do right now, all can wait. But it's been hard to silence my monkey mind and to not feel stressed out about the fact that in less than a month I need to move flats again...I also need to find a job.
But I have reached some clarity. Now I feel it's best to stay here in Berlin and I think it's time for me to find something long-term here and find a home again. I felt this strongly when I moved into my current place, it's a lovely 3-room flat and I felt 'I wish I had a flat like this'.
But this morning I was struggling. I woke up with a headache and when I tried to get out of bed I couldn't hold back, my eyes were flooded with tears. I was a feeling of deep sorrow and longing. I let myself be with this emotion, fully feeling it. I stayed aware and practiced self-compassion, telling myself I'm really doing well. I do so many things to take good care of myself, things will work out as I desire. I just have to continue, I know I'm on the right path. Good things will come.
Breathe - what does your body have to tell you?
When I feel like this, heavy and low, I always try to remind myself to breathe. Paying attention to your breathing is the most effective way to instantly being present in your body. And I could really feel that my body is full of tensions. It's also tired and wants to rest. And it's important to listen, rest is essential. Something I'm still learning, I have a history of being bad at resting. Thinking that is something I can do when I get old, I don't have time to rest now. But I'm not 20 anymore (far from) and these days I can't override my body. Something I'm also grateful for. I sure take better care of myself the older I get. I want to be healthy and strong for many years to come but I have learned for that to happen I also need to rest sometimes.
So I decided to not put any pressure on myself for the rest of this week. I can deal with everything later. The sun is shining here again after some well-needed rainy days so I took my bike and went for a rather short walk in a park close by. I brought my camera so it was a slow walk, it's interesting how bringing a camera tends to slow me down a lot.
The birds are alive
I was walking through a passage with a lot of old trees and the birds are really alive this spring, so uplifting to hear them chirping. It felt so loud and strong I had to stop to fully take it in. And then a robin appeared on the trail. It jumped towards me, looked at me for a while, and then disappeared. My heart skipped a beat, I haven't seen a robin in a long time, and when I do it always connects me to my father. It feels like he is still with me, looking after me from far away. It's hard to explain but it's a feeling of having support, knowing I'm not alone.
Since this little bird is so associated with my father, after he died, I looked up what message the robin carries. I have it in Swedish but translated it would be something like this:
Complete what you have started. My gift to you is to discover new opportunities along the way. You just have to be brave and continue. Take the leap.
This might sound a bit silly but this bird has offered guidance many times since my father died. I have both a picture of a robin and the message framed and they are with me here in Berlin. For some reason, this gives me strength and determination. I feel the power of my father.
After this encounter I was filled with gratefulness and my body felt lighter. I decided to skip my plan to have leftovers from yesterday for lunch and went for some Vietnamese food in the park. The sun was shining on my face, it felt like I had more space in my body, I could move more freely and I sat there on the grass breathing for some time before heading back home.
I have been feeling quite hyper lately so it's no surprise my body signals 'rest'. I'm also about to get my period so I know I'm entering a more introverted space in the coming days. I'm curious to find out what my intuition will tell me. I'm ready to listen. I will rest, slow down, read, do some slow yoga, meditate, and sleep.
Thanks for reading 🙏
Love and blessings to you all 💚
MINDFUL LIFE is a Natural Medicine project which supports meditators on HIVE
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