Dear Life.
I know you've heard some of the things I have been saying recently, it's possible that you may have taken some of them to heart and you may be asking yourself:
Why do I even bother?
I've been thinking about this a lot while I was at work today and thought I should drop you a line to explain myself.
Firstly I know I do nothing but shout in exasperation 24/7 about the bloody god-awful job I detest, haha yep, it's true, I really do dread going and complain whilst I'm there and never shut up about the injustice of it all after I am finished.
Here's the bit I never told you before today. If you hadn't provided me with that job, I would still be stuck in the sad old, bad old days when myself, my partner Terry and the girls had nothing. I'm sure you remember it. The guilt we felt when we couldn't give the girls anything close to resembling what their friends had. The times when the landlord used to come-a-knocking looking for rent money, piece of paper in hand. You remember how Terry would cry about the money worries and I felt like garbage because I couldn't do better.
Oh, I should mention the mortgage, we are almost at the stage of buying our own home now, maybe days away. We couldn't have even dreamed of that without the job you provided, I thought it was high time I told you that.
Remember the trip to Blackpool Terry and I took before I went back to work after being away sick from work these past 3 months, yup, you guessed it, without the job... blahblahblah...
Speaking of that trip, it was only a long weekend away, and it may have seemed like I was yearning for longer but no, it was amazing, it was just what the Dr ordered after a difficult period. I hope I didn't seem ungrateful.
Blackpool by day. The so-called Vegas of the North.
Blackpool by night. I'll tell you more about it in the coming week or 2.
As long as I am on the subject of my health, it's been a bloody awful time. It's important that you know I never blamed you though. My lifestyle, smoking, drinking, diet all played their part, a million compounding choices all of my own creation over a long period of time were to blame. I take full responsibility, not you old friend.
There was a period back there where life felt like one long series of one bereavement after another, I realise of course that this is the way of things, this is what it means to be a human sometimes and even though it feels cruel and relentless, it's not actually personal.
When I consider any of the people who were here one day and gone the next, I understand that although I feel like life can be a grind, I am still here and should grasp that opportunity while it is still on offer. Maybe I owe it to those who have gone, I am certain some of them would have relished the chance to do that one thing they never quite got around to and I realise I still have time.
In fact, even though I feel like age has crept up on me lately and illness has robbed me of some of my vitality I remember that my arms and legs and brain and lungs and brain and skin and teeth and eyes are actually not too shabby and compared to many not so fortunate souls I have a lot to be grateful for.
When I read back the above paragraph I realised I had written brain twice and I realised that it should stay, I would seriously miss that particular faculty if it were suddenly taken away.
I know I always complain that I didn't achieve a whole myriad of things, never achieved the six-pack, I didn't become extraordinary, but when all comes to all, that's just my gums flapping, you know how humans are, always gotta be saying something, often more negative than anything else.
Come to think of it, maybe I am extraordinary, maybe every single person ever to have walked on the earth's crust is. What are the chances of us even being here at all? Clinging to this blue/green rock as it spins at a rapid rate of revolutions hurtling through space.
Life! What's it all about, huh?
I have my family. I have a roof over my head, on the whole, I have my health. I have the best sense of humour of anyone I know and I am so damn modest about it 🤣
There are so many fabulous, wondrous, amazing things I should tell you about that I am massively grateful for, but then this letter would be way too long and you might not reach the end... I know how that feels!!!
Maybe I just need to show you how happy you've made me a little more often my friend.
I wholeheartedly believe that you have always attempted to do your best for me and I just wanted to take a few moments to let you know that even if I forget these words and this vow in a week or so and stray back into bad habits, I love you and I really did just want to say thank YOU 💝
Ste .
Thank YOU for taking the time to read my post and if you're one of those amazing people who like to hit the comments section... Then I doubly thank YOU!
Either way, I want you to know that you are appreciated!
