The last few days have gone past in a blur, my strength gone, I lay weak in my bed. The world seems to be spinning faster than usual and yet I have been forced to be still.
Feverish and uncomfortable, I drifted in and out of sleep as though drifting in and out of different worlds. Chaotic one minute and then calm the next, raging seas and then I’m bobbing on gentle waves.
So little made sense and yet, through it all moments of clarity began to slip in. We need the insanity of it all, so that we can really appreciate what we have, what it is, that is worth fighting for.
Long days, where even the slightest noise seemed to slice through me and yet the peace came in unexpected ways! Enough is enough my body told me, what good are you, if you do not make time to nurture yourself!
It still has a hold over me, yet I feel the last of it move on, as slowly my strength returns. I get fearful when I am confronted with my own weakened state. I know I am not invincible, but I strive to be at my peak. But knowing when to stop, does not come too easy to me, especially when I have also the well being of my children to think of.
What mother has the time, to take for herself, when so much has yet to be done, when job after job begins to add up and on top of it you wish to change the world! We pay the price after a while!
Below each verse is like a glimpse into my mind in the past few days, some old, some new, but always ringing true! Thoughts of moving forward and desperately trying to make sense of it all. Yet deep down, I know I am not here to make sense of it all, but just to make it work for me and my girls!
Within some of those feverish moments, funny thoughts popped into my head, not to mention the crazy dreams, like being a talk show host for one, with a talking guinea pig as my side kick! What does one make of that, pray tell?
I like to tell it as it is
I am not here to deceive
Eyes wide open
My arms ready to receive
Remembering who I am
Using my voice to light the way
Embracing each magical moment
Seizing each new day.
Suppression is the root of illness
Expression leads to healing
Express who you are
Be open to touch
To connection.
Our fluidity
Binds us well,
Never stagnant
Movement heals and propels.
One step into the essence of our dreams
Seeking
Magic
From within
To witness
These
Worlds
Begin to spin.
Shadows descend upon my path
The rain falls
and eases the pain that carried me forth
My steps are heavy as I carve my resilience on this soil
Buried deep
My anger released only to be reborn.
The Urge to let it all take me away to let myself sink deeper
into the games that they play!
