I keep saying, that I am going to make a list of all the things that I need to do. I know that once I get it all out of my head and down on paper, it will be a lot easier for me to organize myself. And yet, here I am still writing about wanting to do it, without having done it.
I can't deny that there is an inner blockage inside of me, that prevents me from doing this, from ultimately making my life easier.
I do get it, I do see how we can achieve order inside of chaos and that is what makes life fluid, but still, I find myself rebelling a bit, against this idea of order!
A few weeks back a friend of mine, gave me a gift for my birthday, a t-shirt that said " Don't tell me what to do", she said the minute she saw it, it made her think of me.
Of course I can see why, but does it also extent to me rebelling against myself! Ha, that made me chuckle, cos it does come across as a tad bit extreme.
But it really got me thinking, about the layers of protection we build around ourselves and how they can be a crutch one minute and a hindrance the next. How life, is so interchangeable and unexpected.
Each new experience, can bring up so much in us. With how we react, really shining a light on who we are and where we have come from. A real glimpse, into our inner workings. Each one a piece of the puzzle, a puzzle that keeps growing and expanding.
Sometimes I get these eureka moments, where suddenly I'm like 'Yeah so that's why I do that'. Other times I just flow along, happy to just be moving forward. Cos the answers don't always just arrive, sometimes we really have to immerse ourselves, give ourselves over to the flow, in order to reach our destination.
Part of me is a little resistant, to dealing with this blockage, that holds me back. Because I can recognize, how it has also really served me throughout my life. That part of me that refuses to conform, that refuses to follow those instructions that can help me be more productive, especially as it was something I was encouraged to do in school.
I know, I know it's only making a list, but actually it goes a lot deeper than that. It was my way of taking control of my life, when it felt like every other part, was being controlled!
Yes, I know that I am in control now, but some things, they really run deep, they are ingrained within us and it's hard to shift them, especially if we don't want to let them go. And anyhow, how much better would my life really be, if I started making lists lol.
I also keep going on and on, about wanting to take up some Yoga or Tai Chai, something to keep my body in shape. I know that if I am to stay healthy, then I have to pay attention to my body and what it is communicating with me.
Every now and again I get these twinges, some of my muscles letting me know that I have been ignoring them. letting me know that I am not getting any younger. I'm still young, but my body is aging and it needs more care.
I even now have a little platform near my truck that I can use to work out on, but have I started, hell no! My vision, has been to wake up early in the morning, before my girls and get outside. To have 20 minutes to myself, to stretch in the sun.
But my days just happen as they happen (going with the flow and all) and most times, I end up going to bed late, cos by the end of the evening I have food to make, a truck to clear and my girls to settle into bed. Then I finally get some me time and I do not want to spend that time sleeping.
Plus, that's also the time, when I mostly do my posts, but they can tend to drag out for hours as it's hard not to get interrupted, when everyone in the family shares the same space. But hey, I also wouldn't have it any other way.
So a late night, does not help one, have an early morning. But hey, that's where I should just organize my time better! There is that word again organize. Damn I got to work on that one, or perhaps I just finish my posts earlier, put on some tunes and turn up the volume.
Who says exercise has to be in the morning anyway. Cos I do love a boogie, anytime of the day and dancing is one great way to stay in shape!
So yes, you guessed it right, I'm going to sign out now, and put on some tunes and embrace the chaos that is my life!
If you care to join me, this is what I will be dancing to!
