My eldest daughter was born 11 years ago and with her my passion for birthrights. I knew I wanted a home birth when I became pregnant and after travelling for a many years, I had strong urge to return to Ireland to give birth.
I’ve worked in hospitals in the past and I knew, that they were not where I wanted to birth my baby. I remember reading books, watching videos and spending a lot of time educating myself about my body, but even still there was so much I didn’t know, as a first time mum with have no idea what to expect as there is nothing to compare it to.
I had been living abroad and returned to Ireland with my partner, I was very determined to find the perfect spot in which to birth my baby. We ended up travelling to different places and in the end, we settled in the south-west of Ireland. I didn’t know many people there, I hadn't lived in Ireland for over 11 years. But through my desire to be active and through Getting involved in the Palestine Solidarity group, I got to meet some like-minded people and a few weeks before my baby was born they arranged a mother blessing for me. I
It was very beautiful and also very emotional, but it really made me feel supported and understood. For those of you who don’t know what a mother blessing is, it’s basically a gathering/celebration for a mother to be. An opportunity for people to come together to show their support and to her transition into motherhood. It is something I wish every mother got to experience because becoming a mother is huge, your life changes so much. And if you’re not ready for those changes you can become quite resistant. Because of that we can find motherhood quite difficult, where as having a mother blessing connects you to your community, whilst providing support for the mother.
So when the time came for me to birth my daughter, I thought I was ready, and I think I was. However, what I wasn’t prepared for, was the way in which my midwife treated me and her attitude during the birth. She was obviously under a lot of stress, she spent a lot of time complaining to me about her in-laws and she put me under a lot of pressure because she herself was feeling under pressure. She was reflecting all of her stress on to me. Birthing mothers are hugely sensitive, and they really feel people's energy and it will have a huge impact on them and their birth.
The whole reason, I wanted a homebirth wass because I didn’t want to be put under pressure. I wanted my baby to be born naturally. In a safe and relaxing environment and she took that all away from me. Her behaviour had a huge effect on my birth. I did not feel safe around her, I certainly did not feel protected and held. I found it extremely difficult to relax around her and at one point, I remember hiding in the bathroom because I just didn’t want to be around her any more. She was so negative and she kept banging on the door telling me I had to come out because she needed to check me and all I wanted to do wass just disappear so I didn’t have to deal with her.
This was my midwife,she was meant to be there to support me as I birthed my baby and she did none of those things. I actually felt like I had to support her in the beginning, so as to try and change her energy.
I didn’t have the homebirth that I wanted, she ended up taking into hospital where my first child was born by suction and where they performed an Episiotomy on me.
My daughter ,was so close to being born at home, her papa could see her head. But because I was so stressed and felt so unsafe and uncomfortable my baby didn’t want to be born and my body did not want to birth her. So my midwife took me to hospital. I had those interventions and with no pain relief, so I felt everything. It was very traumatic and it had such A huge impact on me. I felt so angry and so violated after the birth so angry that this sacred act was taken from me, by the person who I just assumed would have my best interests at heart but instead only focused on her own.
I learned so much, I am so, so grateful that my beautiful daughter was born healthy. But it took me a long time to get over what happened to me. I remember reading a book about a woman who had a similar experience to me, i.e Episiotomy and birth by suction and she referred to it as Birth Rape, that resonated with me so much.
11 years ago I birthed my daughter and her birth, sparked my passion for birthrights, it sparked my passion for every women's freedom, freedom of information, so that we know our rights when it comes to your body. Every woman should have the right to decide where and how she gives birth and every woman should know how powerful and how capable her body is. Every woman should be heard!
Birth is so sacred, yet it has been turned into a business, obstetrics is the highest paid medical profession in the world, yes there is a need for some women to be hospitalized to give birth. Well not necessarily in the hospital, but in some sort of clinic.
Every woman’s body knows what to do, when it is allowed to do what it needs to do to give birth. But when woman feel scared, feel threatened feel uncomfortable, when they feel insecure their body will go into fight or flight mode. This is not, what should happen when a woman is giving birth.
When a woman feels safe, when she feels held and secure. Her body releases all the hormones she needs in order to birth her baby, this is how powerful a woman’s body is. Getting that message out, sharing that message is one of the things that I am very passionate about.
Our bodies are amazing!
They know exactly what to do, we just have to trust them and let them do it and that is the choice that every woman should have. I hope that more and more women begin to realize how powerful their bodies are, how capable of birth their bodies are. I am in no way dismissing, the need for professional help, but I hope that things will change, so that the majority of women begin to believe in their birthing abilities.
I have created a Patreon account so if anyone wishes to support me, please do, I will be sharing poetry and words of empowerment.
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