I like to think of life as a place where my own will and desire meets whatever situation I’m thrown into. Allowing these two to find balance is the key to everything, the sweet spot where things work out some way or another and life is something to enjoy and be playful about.
I go through periods of intense activity and pushing forward. Sometimes I push to hard or sometimes life just asks me to take a break and the last few days were one of those times. When I’m taking a break, I pay much more attention to my body and mind and making sure everything is in balance. I don’t always check social media or even Hive. I’m able to check in just enough to make sure 
The universe demands this of me. My body and mind let me know when it’s time to take a break.
The good news is that I come out of each of these break periods stronger and more capable and focused than before. This week I felt some pretty awful discomfort in my body. I learned a handful of new massage techniques and stretches during my 5 day semi-retreat from the world, mostly focused on the head and stomach and breathing. I also learned a lot more about how foods affect my body and how to actually FEEL when something has a negative effect instead of just listening to advice and vague theories.
For a day or two I was feeling better than I had in years, but after 2 very busy days at work I dropped back down to “meh”. I’m still “meh”, but I’m “meh” with a passion. Things are looking up.
Still I realized today that my life is still always one step away from falling apart. It years to get it together, I need to make sure I keep it together, and without going against this emphasis on balance.
I lost 4 students and haven’t found any new ones the past 3 months. One student is very ill and may come back after here surgery, another just graduated and is starting work soon. I also told one student I was done with her because she wasn’t taking it seriously, nor did she seem satisfied.
So today I spent some time to adjust the way I present my class. I know I have something to offer, but I don’t know how to make someone new trust such a wacky and unusual teacher, so I made adjustments specifically for that purpose. As much as I like doing everything intuitively, I’ve decided to add a bit more structure to my lessons. As with most structure in my life, it comes with a warning “subject to change at any moment when we feel we can do better without it”. I think that can at least help people ease into my intuitive and chaotic magic.
For all those who worry, I’m not going anywhere and I’ll take care of all responsibilities here at Hive.
I may disappear from time to time but I’ll always be back. Feel free to do the same! Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
2020 is almost over and I can honestly say it wasn’t that bad for me. The chaos and uncertainty is something I’m used to already and I leveled up a whole lot so C’est la vie, right? I am really looking forward to the future and still plan on growing back all of my hair naturally 😆
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